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Satirical Piece - The Govt of Kenya rolls back Huduma Namba, says it respects the constitution
A spokesperson for the Kenyan Government announced on Friday that the government has halted plans to carry on registering citizens for Huduma Namba. The controversial Huduma Namba, planned to collate all disparate government-issued documents into one amalgamated document, sealed with your biometric data. "It was all a waste", says one government source. "Huduma Namba accomplished the dual purpose of making billions for our supplier buddies, and allowing us to tag our golden geese." The sudden U-Turn by the government is suspected to be the result of most politicians in the country growing a conscience. A leaked memo from the Office of the President is said to have sparked off this mass moral change of heart for most politicians. Mike Sonko read out a statement on Friday evening, saying he regrets his role in looting public funds and retarding the progress and prosperity of this great country. 'We've not done our best, we have taken advantage of ordinary Kenyans to enrich ourselves and now we were about to trample on their civil liberties.' Mr. Etale, spokesperson of ODM faced few questions from journalists who were shell-shocked by a candid, public addmital of the official opposition party's failure to provide a watchdog in parliament, and for helping pass bills that are by all means, a big fuck you to the Kenyan People and Kenyan Constitution. It turns out all that was needed to accomplish this was a few handshakes and some donuts. These bills, such as the recently amended Registration of Persons Act, have helped legitimise the governments efforts to trample on civil liberties afforded to Kenyans under section 31 of the Kenyan Constitution. That coupled with the loosely worded pieces of legislation that are actually meant to safeguard Kenyans rights, has essentially allowed the government to rescind every Kenyans right to privacy and freedom. The notion of a government that has such a ghastly track record of corruption and project delivery, being able to guarantee the security of my sensitive biometric data makes fucking shiver with fight. It's like I didn't just read a standard newspaper article about a government employee going Friday night binge drinking, and losing the machine that had been used to collect biometric data for the Huduma Namba exercise. Like I forgot that this government borrows 2 billion shillings every fucking day to pay themselves, and uses the leftovers to buy a couple of luxury cars and some fake grass for Nairobi. Identity theft affects 17.6 million Americans every year and costs the economy $16 Billion every year. On our shores, million dollar question is how much do you trust your government? I trust them to get it wrong every time, to spend billions on convoys that drive past ordinary Kenyans, showering their shoes with the dust of impunity. This was evident in Fred Matiangi's tweet answer to a question about fundamentally guaranteeing Kenyans that their biometric data is safe. "We have no answers or statements pertaining to or assuring voters about the safety of their biometric data," the tweet read. An overwhelmingly large amount of messages from ordinary Kenyans reacting to the news quickly filled up social media. One twitter handle read, "sometimes I look at my children playing football outside and can't believe we almost gave up their freedoms". Tonight we celebrate the preservation of Kenyas democratic tenets and those who have fought so hard for them. In the end I'd tag my golden geese if I had made large, unviable financial bets on their golden eggs! T. Sankara
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Parliamentary Lands Committee wants Ministry of Lands to ...
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