What Does the Bible Say About Gambling? Is it a Sin?

“Physical attraction is important. So I’d want to have a picture of you. If I don’t like how you look, I would not respond.”

I mean, you don’t always get what you want.
I was on some dating site for a while. I had maybe 4000 likes. I don’t know if that’s a lot, or not much. Have never compared the number with another girl. I should point out that I didn’t upload a proper picture of mine because I had no desires to help improving their facial recognition system. Also because their rules sicken me. “Only frontal pictures of your face are allowed”. Oh okay. One day I noticed that they had my profile picture removed. And warned that if it was being removed repeatedly, the whole account will be banned altogether. I deleted my account the same night.
Beauty, to me, is plainly objective. Some people are good looking. And some people are ugly. Which is okay. It’s basically just lottery. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t blame your parents. At the same time beauty is largely subjective. Your personality and brain should be enough to make up for your shortcomings in your appearance. “Find someone who loves you for who you are”, your looks, personality and brain all included. While your looks being the least important one.

There's a spot on the dining room's wall that's always moldy in spring. Probably because the apartment faces the sea. Though it's not really too close to it. The molds just keep coming back the next day after being removed. Somehow it just reminds me of a documentary I watched on Netflix weeks ago, Dancing With The Birds. The birds in the documentary all tried, day after day, to find someone. They just don't give up. Just as resilient as the moldy spot on the wall. I wanted to see if you are here.
I once got an internship at a company in a neighborhood I am not familiar with. I asked a friend of mine, who did an internship there the year before, about where I should avoid and things like that. Then she was like, "My boyfriend took care of everything for me. I think he um...." I asked my next door neighbor the same question because he got an internship in the same neighborhood I did. The first thing he said was, "If you can't figure things out on your own I don't think you should do an internship at all." For some reason the conversations I had with them still strikes me even until this day. People rarely care. People rarely understand. Even rarer to have someone who both cares about and understands you. Most people don't give a shit about the fact that you are in a bad spot. Some people might say, "Oh man I am sorry that you are in such a bad spot." A few people might pause whatever they are doing and offer you some help. Only one person, or maybe two or three, won't go until they get you out of the bad spot. I would like to be that person for my SO.
I just started watching Fargo. The second season. I looked up the cast of the show before I started watching it. Kristen Dunst is in it. When I was younger I heard people making fun of Dunst's teeth. I felt really bad for her. In an interview she did in 2019 she told the reporter that she was asked by some producers to have her teeth fixed, but she refused. Though she probably had dental work done at some point because her teeth do not look the same as before. I wondered what would have happened if she never had it done. And why can't we even accept an actress with "imperfect" teeth. David Bowie also had crooked teeth which he later fixed. I have heard many people claiming that his teeth did not bother them. I wondered if they would have said the same if it is just some random person with crooked teeth. I would be sad if their logic went like, the more talented a person is, the more crooked their teeth I could accept. My friend had a car accident in London some years ago and that messed something up. I am sure some men would have chosen to leave but hers did not. Her husband did not tell her to fix anything. A side note, fixing and repairing, in a relationship, are some essential skills. I do not want to be with someone who constantly thinks about jumping ship. Though we all know that some mistakes are simply beyond repair. "Would it be so bad if I slept with this girl, only once, behind my wife's back?" Yes, it would be over. I would like to find someone who not just likes the beginning of things but also the things after that. Someone who I could share both the best and the worst years of my life with. And, you know, someone to watch Fargo with.

What I am looking for -
Short version (there is a long version, with explanation, follows) -
A single, monogamous, adult (stop asking me for an age range. If you can get married without your parents’ approval, you are welcomed to message me) man who is looking for a lifelong relationship, has time to be in a committed relationship, will become my best friend, is in shape/ not too out of shape, is reasonably healthy, is mentally healthy and stable/ mentally unhealthy and unstable but has been monitoring the progress, mentally available, is a meat eater, is a non smoke rarely smoke, is a non drinke social drinker, is a non drug addict (weed is fine), is a non gambling addict, is a non porn addict, is a virgin/ non virgin but was always responsible to their exes (always wore condoms and never had STDs), is okay with no cohabitation, is okay with no premarital sex, is not into anything kinky, wants kids (biological kids/ adopted kids), is okay with your spouse not taking birth control pills, is okay with your spouse not wearing an IUD, is debt free/ with justifiable debt, is religious/ non religious, is eligible to apply for a passport (and meet each other)
If you do not agree with everything I said above then we are not compatible. “I agreed with most of the things you said.” What does that even mean? I have had enough messages telling me that they do not entirely agree with what I said but would like to see where things go. The answer is nowhere. I do not have time nor do I want to build a castle on sand. I also have had enough messages telling me to reconsider things. I won't.
What I like -
Sun
Snow
Trees
Woodworking
Agriculture
Plants
Good food
Hot food
Hot soup
Warm words
Laughing
Wool yarn
Wool clothing
Names with stories, say like, street names
Dining wares
Trains
Photography
Old stories - old movies and shows
Good stories - movies, shows and documentaries, books, music with good lyrics
Good arts
Thrift stores
Flea markets
What I am looking for - Long version -
A strictly monogamous relationship that is happy, healthy, supportive, and lasts forever. I am not looking for dick pictures, chat buddies, dirty chat buddies, hookups, love affairs, friends, friends with benefits, rebound dating, short-term dating, several years dating, polyamorous, open, or online-only relationships.
Communication - I would make time to talk to my SO every day, and very much prefer so, even just to hear that they are safe and sound. But I would be understanding if they are out in Antarctica and the satellite Internet at the work station does not always work properly, or something like that. I would like to deal with all the hardships in life together as a team. Having arguments in a relationship is somewhat unavoidable. I like straightening things out, right away, in a logical, non violent, and non abusive way. I apologize when I make mistakes. Giving silent treatment is really not my thing. I am not saying that I do not have a temper. I do. I do get angry, but within reason. Keeping promises and being punctual are important to me. I always say “Gotta go” when I need to end a conversation.
Mental health - The amount of toxicity I could take is arguably higher than average, but please alert me if you are struggling mentally. On a side note, I hope you do not like watching porn. It is a poor choice, and is both physically and psychologically damaging. I am not asking everyone of you to agree with me on this, or any other things I say in this post. Whatever floats your boat, strangers; just let me have the freedom to find whatever I am looking for.
Distance - I am not looking for an online marriage. Future faking is a fucked up thing to do to another person. If you need nude pictures, phone sex or Skype sex to make a long distance relationship works, I am not the person you are looking for.
Meeting for the first time - I have given this a lot of thoughts, still I do not really know when and where would be good to meet up. We could meet either before we go into a relationship or after. It would probably be fairer for us to fly to a foreign place to meet, it means we would have to trust each other enough to do that. In that case it would make more sense to meet after the relationship has already been established. Also we would have to deal with this whole “OMG covid is deadly!” thing. I think it is doable to fall for someone just by talking. Though I am aware that people are often not who they claimed they are. Those who say they are loyal could be experienced cheaters. But we will see. When in doubt, I ask questions.
Marriage - I have never been married but I would like to get married. The last thing I want is a divorce. The word marriage has sort of become a dirty word now but I am old fashioned. I like relationship labels, and I hope you are the same. A side note, I'm not into having a big wedding. Or a diamond ring. Or to dress fancy for a pre-wedding shoot. The National Gallery of Art has three self portraits of a Hungarian photographer and his wife. I would like to have a wedding like theirs. Which means I would just like to hang out with my SO somewhere, take some pictures ourselves, and call it a wedding. If you never had a proper family, fear not, we would have one on our own. However, having a toxic childhood should not be an excuse for exhibiting toxic behaviors. I would never set myself on fire to keep you warm. It would not help.
Sex - It would be too intimidating if you have had unsafe sex, a lot of sex, or many sexual partners in the past. And I do not want to be intimidated. Don’t give me that classic “oral sex/ cyber sex is not really sex” BS. Premarital sex is off the table. People make fun of those who have never had sex, which I do not get. I do not have a past, and would strongly prefer someone who also does not. It seems fairer that way, and in that way I would not have to grieve over your past. But, then again, grieving is a part of life. It is alright if you are not a virgin, just do not lie. I do not really have a sex drive. Mentally speaking, I would be okay if you never wanted to have sex, I would also be okay if you wanted to have a lot of sex. Because I do not specifically crave for sex; I crave for love. In other word, I count all types of affection as a whole, and sex does not specifically stand out from all the rest. Physically speaking, I would not be compatible with those who have a high sex drive, as I think overindulgence in sex is destructive. I am not really a robot, and so daily sex sounds off putting as fuck to me. I would not be compatible with those who are into kinky sex/ filming sex tapes, also. There is nothing wrong with those, they are just not my thing. I think having boundaries in bed does not mean I do not love them, or love them less than those who have no boundaries. I would never take birth control pills/ wear an IUD, because they have many side effects that I do not want to deal with. Respect my choices.
Kids - I do not have kids. But I would like to raise kids. Ask yourself, honestly, if you are mature enough, and ready to be a father. "But I am not ready, just yet; there are things I want to achieve before I become a father." Find someone younger, then. I would like to add that I have no reason to doubt my fertility as I take reasonably good care of myself. I have no, and never had any, chronic diseases or illnesses. Am at a healthy weight, somewhat slim even. 5 feet 7 inches tall. In the event that I was infertile, surrogacy would not be an option. It goes against my morals. So, again, think twice. I would like to raise adopted kids, and treat them like they are my biological kids. I would not dump my husband if, he was found to be infertile at any point of the marriage. Technically I would be okay if you do not want to raise kids at all, but providing a home for some orphans is something I could do, and I do not want to pass that on.
Living together - I have always, and still am against the idea of living together before marriage. There is nothing wrong with cohabitation, it is just again not my thing. I would gladly introduce my roommate when I was in school to you if you are worried that I have some weird quirks. I might or might not bribe her before I introduce her to you.
Living with parents - Sure, I would not think less of you. There are reasons why people choose to live with their parents.
Cars - I do not care whether you have a car or not.
Money - I am not rich, and was not born rich, but I have no debts. Never had debts. I am aware that some debts are justifiable, like student loan. I worked in the academia. I just started doing something new, related to my field of study, and that makes me happy. Whether you are a postdoc, or a high school drop out, makes no difference to me. For those who think that throwing me a sentence like “I am a lawyer” would be enough to make me talk, have some self respect. I am fine with my Reddit inbox collects only dust.
Religion - I suppose I have always been mostly an agnostic. My parents sent me to a Christian middle school, then a Christian high school. It would be great if you are a God believer and do not mind me being a non religious person. We could read Bible together. It would also be great if you are a non religious person but follow traditional values.
Smoking, drinking and doing drugs - I do not smoke cigarettes. Or vape. Or whatever. I do not do soft/ hard drugs. Have no past addictions. I do not take over-the-counter drugs even. I do not drink alcohol. If you drink responsibly, then I do not have a problem with that.
Dietary choices - I am an omnivore. Have no food allergies. Please be a meat eater. I do not want to get into an argument with you over a tuna egg sandwich I make for our kids. I would not raise my kids vegan. They should be able to make their own choices when they are old enough. I like cooking quite a bit. Would learn to cook all your favorite dishes.
Pets - I do not have any pets.
Gaming - I do not gamble. I have never played any video or computer games. Game soundtracks though I do often pay attention to.
Tattoos - Sure, why not?
Earrings - Why not? I would buy you earrings.
Long hair - Why not? I would braid your hair when you are asleep, though.
Politics - I am against communism, and totalitarianism. Trump 2020. Please read my reddit history. I pretty much stopped using this account altogether, except posting on Foreveralonedating, because this account has 33 male followers, and that is creepy, and makes me feel very uncomfortable. But my reddit history should give you a hint on what kind of a person I am. (Update: 68 followers now, which shows you how disgusting and creepy some, if not most, men on this site are.)
P.S. This is Reddit, a wonderful yet utterly dangerous place, strangers. Especially for women. So many people prey on the weak. Even scammers would spend an hour writing and tell you that “you are everything I have been looking for since forever”. I laughed out loud at “I would relocate for you but it depends on where exactly you are” messages. “I am 100% (insert a race here), and I couldn’t aim to have kids with a wife who isn’t (insert a race here).” messages are laughable. Don’t bother, kiddos. The only time I accept people bringing up the skin color thing is when it concerns our adopted kids, if you understand what I mean. Canned messages are easy to spot, because I am smarter than you imagined. There were people who messaged me from throwaway accounts, which I noticed later filled with porn posts. Accounts with no post history are fishy. Anyhow at some point let's do a photo verification. Maybe we could take a selfie while holding a piece of paper with something like "Today's February 33 1920" written on it. Thank you all for sending me a selfie right off the bat. But I do not trust you enough to click on it. Also please do not ask me to talk to you over the phone/ do a video chat with you right off the bat. If you absolutely do not know what to write, check out "pinned post II", there's a list of 30 questions. I talk to one person, if even there was one, at a time.
TL;DR - I am a non religious person who holds traditional values and beliefs, which for obvious reasons give me a hard time these days. If you see this post, message me, no matter when.

14. The Lord's Prayer

Index Previous Next
PERSONS OF THE DIALOGUE: ASPIRATION, ANGER, GNODENTA, COMMUNITY, INTROSPECTION, THALIAN, ACTION, BORACLIES, THOS, GRANDIOSITY, BERO, ANIATIO, PARAMIA, ORAMIO
ASPIRATION: It's Story time. Today we're going to talk about 3 things: Ritual, Tokenization, and The Lords Prayer. So, we've established in the past that ancient religion is a an astrological allegory, hybridized with a number of concepts, or nam-shubs that established standards for society, health, and psychological care. But one thing we haven't talked about is the dogma that surrounds these. The standards, the rituals. Why is dogma and ritual a desirable trait? That question isn't rhetorical.
ANGER: Its a helpful vessel for encoding, socially?
GNODENTA: Consistency?
ASPIRATION: Both correct, but there is a deeper individual reason.
COMMUNITY: Grounding and connection to all the others who do/have used the same?
INTROSPECTION: Dogma can be desirable if the principles are virtuous.
THALIAN: It reinforces belief.
ASPIRATION: You're all on the right wavelength, we're interested in this case with the underlying principle in here, like always, so lets explore that. When a person quits smoking, they are most successful if they set a day, remove all the paraphernalia, and tell others of their plans. One of the most successful treatments for alcoholics is a group setting that reinforces certain ritualized behaviors as well.
ANGER: Accountability, in that case; both personal and social.
ASPIRATION: Accountability is certainly half of this. What's the other half?
ANGER: Commitment?
ACTION: Motivation.
BORACLIES: Validation?
THOS: Discipline, willpower.
COMMUNITY: Support.
ASPIRATION: Those things are all involved. But importantly, and something our modern society is quickly losing… is ritualization. Compounding social and personal choices with an aspect of holiness. Baptism, for instance, in the classic sense utilized otherwise meaningless ritualized movements in a social setting to impart holiness. Dunking yourself underwater is not meaningful. Tokenizing that act, with supporting dogma and ritual reinforces a decision made on the part of the individual being baptized. Psychologically you are aligning and inviting all aspects of yourself to reinforce a decision.
BERO: It’s a consecrating act.
ASPIRATION: Yes. Remember how we've talked about the breakdown of the bicameral mind? That process is by no means complete. While ancient humans may well have had a voice in their head representing the superego, we still have aspects of ourselves that are occluded from our consciousness. Are folks following?
GRANDIOSITY: Yes. One thing, though. I’ve heard studies show you have a greater chance of being successful with your goals if you tell fewer people about them.
ASPIRATION: Yes, there is an optimal number.
ANGER: Telling someone about a project has the same dopamine response as finishing it.
ASPIRATION: But you are almost completely unlikely to accomplish a difficult goal if you tell no one about it. We aren't talking about work projects, we are talking about undertaking a change that will involve new aspects of ourselves. So, if we can agree that we have parts of ourselves operating independently of our surface level desires. And we see evidence of this in our daily lives everywhere. Then you can understand the importance of ritualization. It gets multiple aspects of yourself to align on a decision. So, for instance, if I decide to quit gambling and whoring and become a godly, productive member of society because that is what my conscious self wants… But my emotional self gets deep gratification from these things, and my aspirational self is telling the story that I am a top notch ladies man and excellent gambler. Then I'm not likely to be successful, I haven't brought those parts along.
Nearly universally, we see religious organizations codify abstinence from sex to the greatest extent possible when joining, can anyone tell me why?
THALIAN: Is it because sex is too gratifying and is biologically equivalent to ultimate success?
ASPIRATION: Close, the church doesn't want your to kill the sexual urge; It wants you to reassign it. It wants you to assign your sexual urges to more fervently serve the church. To use a very powerful driver of behavior to service this new way of life, the churches "body". This is why nuns marry Jesus, and are considered holy. This is why priests are supposed to be celibate entirely. And this is why ultimately most cults seek to harness the sexual drive toward the leader.
The task is hard. Nearly impossible, especially since the context for these choices has been almost entirely lost. But, in the early church, where the shared context was well understood - it was easier.
Is anyone here aware of the concept of "contemplation" in the early catholic tradition?
INTROSPECTION: It's the idea of being aware of the divine through intuition almost, seeing God. It's kind of an offshoot, in modern times, though.
ANGER: It's usually achieved with prayer or meditation.
ASPIRATION: Yes, in practice it is a deeply almost erotic act. It is sitting, full attention to God, and allowing yourself to be completely enraptured by it. But the energy used for that complete mind and body vibe was sexual in nature. Not bodily, but mentally. Another way to describe this, because we don't have a context in modern western society was tantric.
It is the assignation of the sexual part of yourself to more fully appreciate the communion with presence. Making love to the universe, in other words, with your psyche. The church understood, the acts a person must undertake that result in presence are difficult, and can be occasionally quite boring. This is why peter, in his letters to the early church, tell the members to abstain if they can, but if not, to only have one sexual partner. The boring quality of marital sex was considered a feature, not a bug.
BERO: But not to confuse it tantric is from Hinduism not Christianity which you are saying is the church?
ASPIRATION: I am saying the word tantric because we don't have a western word for it. It is simply assigning your sexual self and your sexual energy to the act of being present.
BERO: Just don’t want to get that confused when people say church I assume they’re referring to Christianity.
ASPIRATION: I am referring to the early christian church in most cases because that is the font of most of our remaining western nam-shubs. If I were speaking to an islamic audience, I would be using early islam. The point I'm currently trying to get across is this. Being present is hard it can be scary. The early church knew this, and sought, through ritualized behavior, social reinforcement, and tantra, to incentivize all parts of oneself to align on that goal. This is why the incense, the arcane language, the mortification, the sexual denial, the regular meetings, even the architecture all serve to deliver a person to this state.
A state of grace.
Or, as we would call it now, a state of presence. This is the goal. When they they say the path is narrow, they mean the path to presence, when they say god, they mean "what is" which you can only witness if you are present. What I've been doing in here over and over again is to allow you to let go of this idea that early religions were stupid. They were not. But as the early context was lost. We replaced the original meaning of the ideas which are ineffable because they are off the map with concrete concepts. God went from all that is to a dude.
INTROSPECTION: Were they mostly all blind men and an elephant?
ASPIRATION: Exactly. It wasn't that the keepers of the faith were blind. It's that they had to describe ships on the water to people who had never considered the idea of a ship before. Just like I'm trying to do in here. They used the context around them to create a narrow path. So that members would be forced to stumble on them.
THOS: So you're saying a lot has gotten lost in translation?
ASPIRATION: I'm saying that even then, there wasn't a translation. And I'm saying that now, with the cultural context that they had now lost to history, you're very unlikely to get what they were trying to say.
We started, originally, with Lilies of the field. To show how much that concept has been lost. Or the fact that not many people alive today know what this hell original sin is all about. So what I'm trying to do in here is create a path using a modern context. Same path, new metaphors. So, lets jump on the elephant in the room, that big, rhino-y, almost universally misunderstood word. God. How, in the bible, does god describe himself when he shows up?
THALIAN: The Alpha and Omega, Beginning and the End.
INTROSPECTION: Almighty.
ANIATIO: Father.
ASPIRATION: Ding to all. So, god comes by and says. Yo, I'm everything. And we, 2000 years later, hear it as. You mean a bearded white dude? And from there, any hope of process toward what the church was trying to do is lost. God isn't a personality, or an intelligence, or a person in these ancient traditions. It is quite literally everything, personified. The universe as a relatable... thing. This is why god doesn't have a voice, or rather, uses the metatron to speak.
The act of prayer is very different now than it was, because we're tangled up in this idea that he is our literal dad, and we need stuff from him. Originally, asking for stuff in prayer was considered very taboo. Asking for stuff in prayer reinforces the wrong idea. Namely, that you need something you don't already inherently possess. Everybody following so far? Because we need this context under us. God is what is, dogma around god is a social construct designed to grease the skids toward an enlightened place. That you cannot be told about, you must experience. This is why the church makes the rest of your life boring. Mortification and self flagellation, ritual, social reinforcement, all pushing new members toward a space where they can become present using as many aspects of yourself as they can.
The word "Father" in this case simply means "that which I am issued from". Early beliefs thought that life was in semen. The father literally was carrying around your life. This is why the church doesn't like birth control. So, here we are, ready to start interpreting some very old shit.
The Lord's Prayer Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; they kingcome come thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
With this new understanding underneath us, lets parse out some famous religious ornamentation. Let's start with The Lords Prayer. Which is supposed to contain the ENTIRE teaching in a nutshell. The lords prayer is a portable church, in other words. Let's start with the first line: Our Father.
Our father is a call to orient one's self appropriately. The stressed concept in modern context is 'father', But the early stress was on 'our'. Jesus drops this line, in the story. To help you know where you stand. You stand, equally, with everyone else. A more clunky way to put this, unpacked, would be something like:
"We know that if we do this together, we have a better chance of reinforcing contemplation and enlightenment, we are all equals in this task, and even Jesus is just another one of us"
"And so we all join together to do that, as we turn our contemplation toward all that is, which we are of course a part of"
THOS: So the "who" that follows is of less importance.
ASPIRATION: The who is deeply important, because that who is, by our closest modern approximation, "everything". So lets all get together, as equals, to contemplate that which is.
THOS: Yes, what I meant to say is the "who" isn't a person.
ASPIRATION: Yes. There is no who, only everything. And we're about to get there.... because.… "Who art in heaven". What is heaven, in the old testament?
THALIAN: Garden of Eden.
GRANDIOSITY: Heaven is a state, not a place.
ASPIRATION: No, that's presence, again. What is the first thing that is created, after the void?
INTROSPECTION: Heaven.
ASPIRATION: Yes. Again, an incredibly densely packed allegory, genesis is. The first thing that is created is heaven. So for a very brief moment, all that is is simply "heaven". Earth is then created, and now we have a concept of time. because we have two things operating relative to one another.
INTROSPECTION: Because of before / after.
ASPIRATION: Yes. But God's first thing (God being everything that is) is to convert everything that is from a concept of nothing to something. Now, it's very easy for me to get of track here, because then earth is created and this becomes a shit-show of complexity I'm not ready to tackle today.
But "Who art in heaven" means: Yo, god is everything, that dwells everywhere.
How we doing folks? We're getting pretty high concept here.
People respond that they are tracking.
GRANDIOSITY: Well, I’d believed that Heaven was a state, not a place.
ASPIRATION: It contains both of those. It is all places and all states. It is also all non places. Earth is created to symbolize duality, and the concept of time, but it is in heaven.
INTROSPECTION: It is all everything.
ASPIRATION: Yeah, that one will explode my brain if I go down that path, so lets take it slow.
THOS: Wait, wait. Heaven has no concept of time or does it?
ASPIRATION: No, there is no time if all states are included. This goes back to the lesson of time being a lie that represents two objects in relationship to one another.
INTROSPECTION: Heaven contains Earth because it is all encompassing, and exists. Then earth is created, again introducing the arrow of time. But heaven existed if you will outside of time. So it contains earth.
ASPIRATION: Bang, right in the kisser. So, "Who art in heaven" means that is everywhere. And we are really, just barely scratching the surface of these two simple lines. Digging into it deeply in a disassociated ego forward state will break you, because, of course, it is designed to. The point is this, with the proper context, this prayer is designed to break your sense of self and cast you into a present awareness state. We're going very easy on it right now, because we've only just restored enough context to make this nam-shub potent again.
And for the lurkers, who are just getting into this. This is not a religious channel, and I am not a religious man, I'm not peddling Christianity.
So, lets get back on track. Who art in heaven simply establishes the dwelling place of life. Which is... literally translated, everything, everywhere, all the time. Now we get to some truly psychedelic shit. "Hallowed be thy name". Here is where the juices really start flowing. Can anybody tell me what's weird about the name of God?
ANGER: The name never really translates, does it? There’s never a right term. We can only approach the word.
ASPIRATION: Exactly. And the name of God is supposed to have all of this power, right? But for some reason it's unutterable. Yahweh is god's nickname. Gods real name is supposed to have indescribable power. There are entire sects who have taken this literally and spend all day trying to figure out gods name. In the Hindu tradition, dying with "gods name" on your lips is supposed to stop the karmic cycle and give you everlasting life.
GNODENTA: In the romance languages, like French, Dieu has a little more meaning when you look at the latin roots. It's something like "to shine". But then again, that's not designating a being but rather a sensation or perception.
ASPIRATION: BANG. The name of god is everything that is. To be able to speak it means you are one with everything that is. It is unutterable because it is everything.
THALIAN: I am that I am.
ASPIRATION: Yes. So, to be capable of speaking gods name is to be completely enlightened, or completely present. This is why god isn't named in the prayer. Otherwise it would be quite simple to say Hallowed is the name "Jeff".
So, hallowed. That's the name. That's a name we all really want. That's the goal, man. The name of God. The next few lines are declarative statements, not requests. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done. We aren't asking for these things, we are acknowledging them. On earth as it is in heaven. Again, not requests. Statements. Not, gosh, we really want these things. But damn, we already have these things. How can we see it? Well, I'm glad you asked.... because! Give us this day our daily bread. What, the fuck, does this line mean? We've talked about bread in here. Specifically the bread called Manna. Manna is an unleavened bread the Jews used to eat. But why daily?
INTROSPECTION: Manna, nourishment from heaven. Given to the Israelites.
ASPIRATION: Yes, and what happened when the Jews collected it, instead of trusting that it would show up the next day?
INTROSPECTION: It spoiled and was corrupted. So it's needed each day, and supposed to be consumed that day.
ASPIRATION: Yes, and storing it is a form of original sin. Storing manna means you are trying to judge what will happen. You're forgetting you're the pond. You are not present, you're worried about the future. You're not a lily of the field.
INTROSPECTION: The lily doesn't labor. All is provided, by God.
ASPIRATION: No, the lily is holy, because it doesn't dwell in a state of dualism. A lily is all that is, it doesn't judge itself separate.
INTROSPECTION: It exists, it doesn't concern itself with the future?
ASPIRATION: Yes. A lily doesn't know that it isn't God. Original sin is simply this: We developed the belief that were were not God, and it kicked us out of the paradise all other things enjoy; the freedom from the fear of death. The everlasting awareness of the present.
This helps you see that original sin doesn't mean you are bad. It means you are pitiable. And everything, all the time, is trying to get you to step away from that tortured state. Just, go be a lily, man. lift your face to God "what is" man, don't store manna, man. Give no thought to the morrow, man. The bible is an astrological metaphor, the stars a cast of characters all designed to "wash you" of dualism.
The goal is enlightenment. All the literalism destroys the goal, so the bible looks arcane and cruel. And we aren't done... because: on earth as it is in heaven. Again. Declarative, not pleading. Asserting. On earth as it is in heaven. It's already done, dualism is a lie.
GRANDIOSITY: So, dualism is then the involvement in both the present and the future, and the path to enlightenment involves letting go of that involvement in the future.
ASPIRATION: And the past.
Now, we get an interrogative. The first request in the whole damned thing. Lead us not into temptation.
ACTION: To a degree this connects with the whole food-thing. We were so preoccupied to make sure Aspiration was able to survive later down the line with meals that we did not consider if he was hungry now. We were so preoccupied with hording we didn't just be.
ASPIRATION: Finally! I get to check that ding off the list: DING.
COMMUNITY: Speaking of, we should really make sure the list is done so Aspiration can eat.
ASPIRATION: The metaphor has accomplished it's goal. I'm going to get a sandwich. A few days fast was good for me and serves important things further down the line. But now I'm going to eat.
So. Temptation. Simple. Direct. Don't drag my ass into dualism. Deliver me from evil. Same interrogative. Evil, sin. Original sin. "To miss the mark." Evil, the devil. Lucifer. The morning star, luceferian, the illuminated one. It just means knowledge, my dudes.
Lucifer wasn't cast out, he became dualistic. Lucifer was the most beloved of the angels. The head, Gods favorite. And he was disconnected, or cast out. As a metaphor for the dangers of living in original sin. Of living apart. With judgement, but not wisdom. He's not a bad guy in the story. He's still gods favorite. He endures it because he can.
INTROSPECTION: Like us?
ASPIRATION: Yes, Lucifer is an allegory for man. Or rather, the state of man. Headstrong, dualistic, knowledge seeking. Egocentric. And apart from all that is, in fact, singular in being apart.
INTROSPECTION: Our exit from heaven, given our meaning, and subsequent focus on the self, creating dualism.
ASPIRATION: Along with all people, yes. This is why he is known as the "great liar". Because he lies, he introduces dualism where it doesn't otherwise exist.
And that state? Of believing you can be apart from all that is? It's a clever hell.
End story time.
When we're done, my hope is that you will have enough context that nam-shubs will become functional again for you. And when you're anxious, you'll be able to think of a lily, re associate, and calm yourself.
Because when you understand the context, it gives the power back.
That's why the bible, and really all religious texts are called "living words" If you have the underlying thesis down. They can really slap you right in the face.
Alright, I'm out of here. There are a few people right behind me in here, so if you have questions, ask them.
Introspection fields questions in Aspirations absence.
ASPIRATION: Introspection, when you have time can you field questions?
PARAMIA: What does being present mean other than not worrying about the future?
INTROSPECTION: Absolutely. Okay so… Present isn't just about the future. It's a description concerning our awareness of who, what, where we are. And really that we think we are individuals but really are part of something else, a connected everything. Present is almost being fully in the moment that exists outside of time, if that makes sense? From my understanding, today's story was designed to teach us the context used when prayers, today in Christianity but other times in other religions, were written.
Essentially, there is a sort of universal truth and story, that many religions have seen and tried to format into a roadmap for followers. Each may describe it differently, or have different instructions, but beneath them is a story that we too can see. Without the context of what the instructions mean though, they are hard to follow.
PARAMIA: Isn't the concept of ego death pretty much what its getting at?
INTROSPECTION: I think there's a strong element of that. But, again I could be wrong here, it's also a recognition that we exist, but exist not as a duality. We are not separate; even though ego exist kills self-identity. But you may be more right than I am there, Paramia.
PARAMIA: But, again I could be wrong here, it's also a recognition that we exist, but exist not as a duality. We are not separate. Also can you simplify this? I don't exactly understand.
INTROSPECTION: Yeah. My interpretation is that we believe we exist in a duality, or perhaps as a duality. We believe we are separate from the whole. Like you were saying with ego-death, there is no self. Self removes us from presence even, in my mind. Duality is a necessary evil me thinks. Plurality, but it's still illusory; the experience is the same teleologically.

The things Freeman is not allowed to do at Black Mesa

Timothy Leary and the CIA

What do you all think? Was he mostly negative, or did he do things to help? Some early proponents of LSD said his outspokenness and craving for media attention delegitimized the entire idea of seriously studying LSD, not being overzealous, so that it would NOT be illegal
Anyway, I wanted to paste something I've had and thought you all would like it.

The Associated Press reported that '60's LSD proselyte, Timothy Leary died in his sleep, May 31, 1996. It reported that Carol Rosin, his friend for 25 years was by his side along with family and friends.
Rosin told the AP: "He had been alert for the last few days – he'd been traveling with one foot in this world and one foot in the other world. Until yesterday, he was moving around in an electric wheelchair, but he was getting weaker.
After his passing, Leary's homepage on the World Wide Web said simply: "Timothy has passed." It also said his last words were three "why not's" and one "yeah." Leary himself, had reported that he was taking morphine to ease the pain for months. It is well know that Leary had always been into drugs – any drugs, all drugs, both prescription and recreational.
An Intensive Care Nurse read the internet reports of his death. It said his last words were "why not", "why not", "why not" in several different tones , and his final word was "yeah.'
"I've seen a lot of people die with cancer," the ICU nurse said. (For obvious reasons she does not want to be identified.) "It's very painful to die that way. From all report's Leary's death must have been a mophine assisted death.
"The final script probably went like this: ' Timothy do you want a shot of morphine to ease your pain?'
" And he answered, 'Why not?'
" A little while later whoever was administering the morphine checked on him, asking him, 'Would you like a little more morphine?'
"And he answered, 'Why not?'
"After an interval, the morphine admistrator asked, 'How about some more morphine?'
"And Leary answered, 'Why not?'
"After that they asked, "I'll bet you're feeling no pain now?'
"And, just before the morphine paralyzed his cardio-pulminary system, he replied, "Yeah."
So Timothy Leary finally fulfilled the prophecy in the Moody Blues tune,"Legend of a Mind." At least he fulfilled the first phrase: "Timothy Leary's dead…. Oh, no no no, no no no nooo, he's on the outside looking in…" More on that later.
A couple of millionaire movie producers who put up thousands of dollars for Timothy Leary's escape are sad and disappointed. An army of middle aged acid-heads and flower children who contributed thousands more to the Timothy Leary Defense Fund, and other funds which were supposed to help Tim beat a rap or get out of jail are in deep mourning.
But somewhere, in Heaven, in Hell, in the great cosmic void, or confronting a fearsome isn'tness Timothy Leary is probably grinning at them. The glib Boston Irishman conned them all. They paid for what the government did without their funds – arrange Leary's "escape" in 1970 from Vacaville prison, and his tour of Algeria, Switzerland, and Afghanistan. At least, that's a logical conclusion you could draw from an interview he gave in 1977.
After he returned to the United States in 1973 it is said that he was assigned to solitary confinement next to a "hole mate" who quoted the bible in a booming voice. This "Born Again Christian" was none other than Charles Manson. Leary left his "Turn on , tune in, drop out" campaign behind in prison, he became a self- styled prophet of "Life Extension" and "Space Exploration," "Cyronics" and finally "Cyberspace." All these, he said in turn with great enthusiasm, were where it was at! He had been arrested by G. Gordon Liddy in 1965 at the Deitrich estate in Millbrook, N.Y. He was photographed with a big smile going into the Duchess County jail. Almost twenty years later he was debating Liddy on the college lecture circuit (receiving a minimum of $2,500 per appearance) still wearing that same smile.
That smile was his trademark. It was a smile which masked his vacuity and desperation. It was the smile of a pretender. The smile of a failed husband and father. "Half a song and half a gag," was how writer Alan Harrington's wife, Luba, once described Leary. He was an academically disgraced psychologist who wrote one serious book, Interpersonal Diagnosis of Personality, which today stimulates the same interest from the scientific community as does phrenology. While some people thought he was a prophet of the new age, he was, deep inside himself, a cast-off CIA asset who died without purpose, fluttering like a hang-glider trying to fly in windless air without the propeller of a cause to lift it.
He did not go with a "Bang" nor a "Whimper." He did not rage against the dying of the light. He did not die with a smile on his face, as he had lived, even in utmost tragedy, such as when his first wife, and then his only daughter commited suicide. Leary lived to the ripe old age of 75, then he died of natural cuases. He was not assassinated by one of his many enemies. That is success.
The last time I saw Leary was in Tucson, Arizona where he came for a lecture in support of the L-5 Society, a group which promoted private enterprise in space. Leary phoned me and asked to see me about an "urgent matter." The matter, turned out to be not that urgent, but very interesting.
Leary wanted to explain himself more completely about a series of letters we'd exchanged during his last days in prison, letters in which he denied that he had received any support from the CIA or other clandestine agencies of government in his psychedelic campaign of the 1960's.
While doing research for my book, Operation Mind Control (originally published in 1978), I'd come across a CIA document with Leary's name on it. The CIA memo directed agents to contact Leary and company, who were then operating an organization called International Federation for Internal Freedom ( IFIF). The memo asked its agents to discover if any agency personnel were taking acid with this group. The CIA wanted to determine what IFIF really knew about what was then billed as "the most powerful drug known to man," LSD, a drug which the agency was experimenting with in an attempt to create mind controlled zombies.
Another, earlier similar CIA document I found ordered agents to contact Aldous Huxley for the same reason. There were no follow-up documents to indicate whether the CIA had, or had not, made contact in either instance. Still, other documents indicated that Leary had received money channeled by the CIA through various government agencies. The files showed that, in all, there were eight government grants paid to Leary from 1953 to 1958, most of them paid through the National Institute of Mental Health, now known to have "fronted" for the CIA in the MKULTRA program.
My letters to Leary had been straight forward. I asked him to explain his apparent long romance with the cryptocracy. I further wanted to know if, as the press had reported, he had become a witness for the government in a number of drug cases. Was he, I asked, a government snitch?
In July, 1976, writing from prison, Leary flatly denied that the government had contributed to his psychedelic research. He claimed that "nobody ever went to jail because of any testimony" he might have given.
He explained that he had never used any form of Behavior Modification in his experiments, although a title of one of his papers had been, "How to Change Behavior." He told me I could find out whether his grants were CIA connected by writing NIMH and Harvard.
He said, writing to me from jail, that if they were covertly CIA funded he had no knowledge of it.
A letter from Bertram Brown, Director of NIMH, neither confirmed nor denied that NIMH had supported Leary's research. Brown did say that Harvard had received grants for drug research, but NIMH record keeping did not permit knowledge below the "major institution level." Harvard said it could not find its records on Leary's research there, as it was too far in the past. (This was in 1977.)
Joanna (Harcourt-Smith) Leary and a coworker told me that they had tried to contact Leary for several months when he was in Folsom and he could not be found. After normal attempts through prison authorities had failed to locate him, they took their case to the press and gathered a number of famous persons to sign a petition protesting the disappearance of the Pope of Dope.
Joanna told me that, after the outcry in the media had grown loud, prison authorities quickly "located" Leary and allowed her to visit him. She said that when, at last, she sat across the prison table from him, separated by a pane of thick glass, he looked very pale. She said he had his head completely shaved, had bruises on his body, and didn't seem like the man she'd known before.
Before he was released from prison, I wrote him to ask if he had been mistreated in prison or subjected to aversive therapy or any other form of behavior modification. Leary said that he had never been mistreated at the Vacaville California Medical Facility. He wrote that the administration of Vacaville "probably ranks with the most enlightened in the country."
His "enlightened facility was where horrendous experiments such as "anectine therapy" had been conducted on non-volunteer inmates under CIA covert guidance. Anectine stops the respiratory functions of the body and the "subject" feels as if they are dying. An attendant must keep them breathing with a machine. As the panic sets in when the involuntary muscles quit, an attendant says, "This is what will happen if you break the law ." And just before the "subject" loses consciousness, the respiratory is turned on the the "subject" is brought back from the brink of death.
In following correspondence I explained to Leary what I'd found: that the CIA was the world's largest consumer of Sandoz LSD; that they'd worked with the Bureau of Narcotics, the NIMH, LEAA and other agencies to covertly give LSD to unwitting persons in "real life settings."
Leary's answer to that was that he did not think the CIA experimentation with LSD was very ominous. His conclusion was, "based on my fifteen years of confrontation on the front lines of the struggle ( individual freedom vs state control) are these: "–govt 'behavior mod programs' were trivial, peripheral, more benign than evil, ineffective, silly, and never a part of any basic policy…"
He called me a "prosecutor" and said that he was disappointed that I saw corruption and conspiracy within our government. He railed about "liberal paranoia" saying that it "is a thousand times more effective and pervasive than 'right wing' scientific efforts." He said that "ninety-nine percent of all psychologists are liberals. All prisons are networks of suspicion. There is no behavior mod conspiracy. Such rumors spread among the liberal community are dangerous because they distract attention from the real problem – that the Law Enforcement establishment does not want to alter behavior…"
When I finally sat with Leary in Tucson, we renewed acquaintances. A couple of his old friends were at our house when he visited and he was glad to see them. Since I'd last seen him, almost ten years before, his nose appeared to have been broken and his dentures no longer fit. All agreed, after he left, that this was not the same man we'd known before he'd gone to prison. We couldn't tell if he'd changed because of the normal prison brutality, or because he was under some great pressures or had been tortured. In those days nobody believed in mind control. Few knew of the clandestine experiments on U.S. citizens which were run against their will and without their knowledge.
The first thought I had when seeing the altered Leary was, "He's been the victim of one of the secret prison mind control programs."
We drank wine and talked lightly about news of mutual friends. Finally he insisted that he and I go to a quiet place and make a tape recorded interview. I'd just finished Operation Mind Control and had sent it of to the publisher. It was too late to get anything new into it and, I told Tim, that frankly I was weary of the subject. He insisted that we tape an interview.
"I'll tell you things I've never told anyone before," he said. I couldn't resist such a journalistic temptation, so we went to my office with our glasses and turned on the tape recorder.
He started by congratulating me for breaking the CIA-mind control story. I couldn't take full credit for that, but I listened, accepting his compliments for the three of us who'd been working on the mind control case for a few years.
"The game you're playing, and the stakes at which you're gambling… you may be wrong ninety-nine times, but if you're right once, you've won a billion, or whatever you're playing for, so keep going…"
I certainly wasn't playing for the money. The stakes were higher. These stakes were no less than freedom of human thought and perhaps the remnants of democracy in the world. But maybe I was naive. Maybe I should write screenplays and make some money instead of running around the country researching the victims of CIA mind control experiments conducted in the streets of New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles and other cities, as well as in prisons, mental hospitals, in the ranks of the military services, on unwitting and unvolunteering men women and children.
"The contract I'm making with you," Leary said, " is, I never lie. I'm wrong a lot of the time, but I'm going to tell you everything you ask me. I'm not going to hide anything. On the other hand, and there is no question that I want to ask you… on the other hand I want to know things…"
So, it was to be quid pro quo then?
I agreed to share any information I had with him on the CIA's involvement with drugs and mind control, but I told him, fact was, everything I knew, except the personal details of certain survivors, had already been made public. "Have you ever knowingly worked for the CIA?" I asked.
"If I were working for the CIA," he said, " I would have ten people working making a living exposing me. If I were the CIA, I'd own New Republic. I'd own The New Masses. I'd own Rolling Stone. I'd have 50 groups of people exposing the CIA…" "Do you think CIA people were involved in your group in the sixties?" I asked. Without hesitating Leary said, "Of course they were. I would say that eighty percent of my movements, eighty percent of the decisions I made were suggested to me by CIA people…
"I like the CIA!" he said. "The game they're playing is better than the FBI. Better than the Saigon police. Better than Franco's police. Better than the Israeli police. They're a thousand times better than the KGB. So it comes down to: who are you going to work for? The Yankees or the Dodgers?"
Leary had this in common with people I knew at the Mellon Bank. Baseball metaphors. Heavy baseball metaphors, same as Nixon used. I'd heard Leary use them since I met him in 1965. I wondered if it was just a coincidence?
Leary drank his wine and drifted a bit, talking about his current favorite subject, outer space. I brought the conversation back to the subject of mind control, telling Leary some of the details I'd learned about the CIA's use of drugs for thirty years in their attempt to find the perfect "recruitment pill, aphrodisiac, and amnesia drug." I explained the magnitude of the story and I told him that, based on my interviews with survivors of the experiments and psycho scientists who'd done some of them, I had to conclude that the CIA had long ago reached their goal of creating the perfect security device short of assassination – one which controlled the human mind.
I told Leary that, based on some of the documents I'd read, it seemed that he could have been just one of many scientist who'd been used without his knowledge by the CIA to conduct their mind control experiments.
"I've known this for ten years," Leary said.
"You were witting of it?" I asked in surprise.
"Of course," Leary said, leaning back in his chair with confidence.
I couldn't believe my ears. The CIA had created the "Psychedelic Sixties" with Timothy Leary's help?
"You were wittingly used by the CIA?" I asked again. "…During the sixties? You knew you were being used by the CIA?"
"Wait," Leary said. "When you say CIA, it's like saying Niggers… "I knew I was being used by the intelligence agents of this country."
"What were you doing for them?" I asked. "What the hell were you doing? "Did they want you to turn the kids on, huh? Were they trying to make the kids see God and leave the Vietnam war alone?"
"Walter, are you starting off into nationalism…" Leary said, trying to put me on the defensive – exhibiting his fatal character flaw – sold on himself as a master psychologist, a master manipulator.
"I'm asking you what was the CIA's motive? What were you used for?" I said again.
"The CIA recognized what you probably haven't recognized yet, that I'm a very important national asset… "What can I say,?" Leary said.
That was Leary. He believed his own press releases.
He lit his half-smoked joint and continued. "Yeah. I saw in nineteen sixty-two or three, that there was a world struggle for the control of minds. That's a crude way to say it… "I saw, after Hiroshima, there would never be a big world war. World war would be at the neurological level, not at the level of tanks and planes and bombs…
"I proceeded as an intelligence agent since 1962, understanding that the next war for control of this planet and beyond, had to do with the control of consciousness. So I had to think very carefully about that…
"I wanted my side to win the war… "There's no winning or losing… but I wanted my side to stake out enough territory….
"I'm talking about time territory, not space territory…. "Of course, you need enough space territory to get your time to make sure that the particular version of the territory of consciousness I would be represented in… I believed, after studying all the other versions, that my philosophy of the future… skip philosophy… my Clausewitz tactics and strategy, or my natural chauvinistic consciousness commitments were very fierce and strong…
"I wanted my species to be recognized, understood and have a strong single voice in creating the reality of the future… "I wanted to create a segment of the future which I felt I would be the spokesman for…"
I let him talk. When he paused to catch his thought which had drifted away on a puff of muggles, I repeated the question: "Did you ever wittingly work for the CIA?"
"Yes," he answered strongly. "I was a witting agent of the CIA, but, I'm not a willing agent of Nixon! I did everything in my power to throw out Nixon!" (So, it would appear, did the CIA.)
"I'm a witting agent in that I think Roosevelt was a disaster, but historically necessary…. So, pin me down and I'll tell you exactly what I'm doing for the CIA," he said.
"What are you doing for the CIA?" I said, disbelieving everything he said.
"I'm raising the intelligence of an elite… a very elite group of Americans," he said. "So I think the future of freedom depends on a very small group of people who are smart enough to defend that liberty…"
"So, you work for the Central Intelligence Agency?" I asked. "Is it the Deputy Director of Plans you work for? Who makes out your checks?"
"It's none of your business to know how those things work. I'll answer you no questions that have to do with business. I'll answer you any question about history or people…"
He drifted off into a monologue talking about neurological cosmology, his outer space connections. Again I brought the conversation back to the central question again :" What year did you start working for the CIA?"
"Well, I never worked in the sense that nobody ever came to me and said would you work for the CIA…"
"Nobody recruited you?" I asked.
"No, nobody ever recruited me. People came and advised me to do this or that. I didn't know that I was being advised by the CIA. I assume now, that I was being advised by the CIA…"
"But a moment ago you did say that you knew at the time. You said that you were wittingly working for the CIA…"
"Don't you understand," Leary barked, "I'm talking about a very narrow segment of CIA activity which has to do with personality assessment. The OSS was the forerunner of CIA mind stuff… OSS founded… Howard Murray, who was the head of the OSS, the started the personality research. MacKinnon who was OSS, started personality assessment research, so that all personality assessment in the 1950's was basically CIA initiated…"
Later research disclosed the Donald W. MacKinnon, Ph.D. (Bryn Mawr College) and Henry A. Murray, M.C., Ph.D., Lt. Col. (Harvard) were among 74 OSS staff members who worked to develop personality assessment techniques which are still used to select employees of the CIA and other intelligence agencies.
"Good grief," I said. "I knew they supported Dr. Rhine's ESP experiments at Duke University…"
"I didn't know that," Leary said. "But I think they should have…" and finally the wine began to take effect and the interview degenerated into speculation about CIA's activities in various LSD research projects. Leary was curious about several of them and he asked me to see if I could dig up some information for him. Leary asked me about other LSD researchers of the early days. He wanted to know about Walter Pankhe and he was especially interested in the Chez. psychiatrist Stanislav Grof, who, he said, had been brought from behind the "Iron Curtain" to the U.S. to run one of the only official "LSD Research Projects."
At one point in the conversation Leary told me he had talked at length with Al Larkin, a reporter for the Boston Globe which had been investigating his research at Harvard looking for the CIA link.
"Al Larkin told me that the guy that led me to get fired from Harvard was a man named Herbert Chanoch Kelman… Does that name mean anything to you?" Leary asked.
I called Larkin the next day and he admitted that he'd been investigating Leary's involvement with CIA and Harvard since the MKULTRA story had local interest. (Harvard is in Boston.)
"I was in the process of pursuing a number of different avenues," Larkin said, " pursuing the possibility of some of Timothy's money coming through one of the organizations established as a front for CIA money I talked to him about it at that time and he said he had no knowledge of it, although the time span of the two things did coincide.
"I was particularly interested in a project Leary did at the Concord Reformatory, since it was very similar to some of the projects funded by the CIA. It did fit into the proper frame… I was unable to get any records on the Concord Project. I did talk to one of the people who was very closely involved with the MKULTRA research in Massachusetts. I mentioned Leary's name, and the guy almost became livid, as any good CIA patriot should. He said, 'We would never have given anything to him!'"
Larkin said the man's name was Dr. Robert Lashbrook who was number two in the MKULTRA experiments which consumed tens of thousands of unwitting human guinea pigs, causing at least one known death to a non-volunteer victim. Lashbrook was given immunity to testify before Kennedy's congressional committee investigating the CIA's mind control operations.
I relayed to Larkin the details of my interview with Leary. If what Leary had told me was true, it looked like the CIA, then, had made a large contribution to the creation of the Psychedelic Sixties.
"Let me ask you a couple of questions which really shouldn't be repeated," Larkin said. "What is Leary's financial condition right now?"
"I haven't the slightest idea. Why?
"The reason I raised it, he mentioned, two months ago, that he was writing a piece for The New York Times on this topic. He said that he hoped to sell it to The Times on the MKULTRA project.
"I never saw the piece, and I talked to him a few weeks ago and he said, he was talking to someone at Esquire about it. He said, 'I think I'm going to write a piece for them on this, cause I need the money…"
"Then it occurred to me," Larkin said, "that Timothy Leary, who had very little interest in my initial questions about his involvement, suddenly had become interested and may have seen it as a way to establish some credibility for his writing about this. In other words, he realized when The Times didn't want his piece, so he had to enhance his credibility somehow and maybe do it by dropping a hint to you, and then suggesting that you call me. I have a message here that says that I am to call him. He may be wanting to tell me to call you. You see what I'm driving at?'
I told Larkin that I'd played my interview with Leary to several of his friends who all concluded that, because of the contradictions, Leary was not telling the truth. One of the things he said on the tape was "FBI" when he clearly meant to say "CIA."
"He said that you (Larkin) found out that this doctor named Herb Kelman had been responsible for him getting thrown out of Harvard. Leary said that you found out Kelman was a CIA man. Is that true?"
"No. No.,," Larkin said. "He's misinterpreting what I said. Leary told me that Kelman led the fight to get him thrown out of Harvard. I found out that Kelman got a thousand dollars from the Human Ecology Fund, a CIA fund. So, I called Kelman and said to him 'what was your role in the removal of Leary?' He admitted that he played a role in it and he said, 'I didn't like what Leary was doing. I was opposed to human experimentation. I was opposed to giving drugs to undergraduates and I knew that he was doing it.'
"Kelman said, 'I was a young researcher then, and I didn't carry a lot of weight but I was outspoken. And when the furor died down somewhat I continued to argue for it to reemerge.'
So I said to Kelman, "What about this money?'"
Kelman said that he didn't know the Human Ecology Fund was a fund set up by the CIA and he was very up-front about it – he said that he had been editing a book for a small private organization and before it could go to print he had to bring the authors together in Cambridge and the organization which was sponsoring the book didn't have any more money and he needed the thousand dollars and he went to talk to a guy named Edgar Schein…"
Schein was one of the leading investigators during the Korean war into the 'brainwashing' hoax. Schein knowingly worked for the CIA.
"He'd told Kelman to go to the Human Ecology Fund and he wrote a letter for him… but no one ever asked Kelman to do anything. According to him, the book had nothing to do with the areas which would interest the CIA, it seems to me to be obviously one of those small cover projects they had to do to maintain their credibility in academia… So Leary's interpretation of the thing is a little bit more… hardcore…"
For some months that's where this story stood – unfinished, in limbo. I didn't even bother to transcribe the interviews. Then the first coincidence – certain proof of the cryptocracy's ongoing Agit Prop operation: A cell mate of Leary's was located. He said that when Leary came back from his escape he was very frightened.
"In Vacaville, he had one of the best positions. He was working in the education wing. He was making it with a pretty little blonde nurse… He was writing and doing meditation, but he was running scared. He was scared behind the Panthers in there… The way the CIA got Tim out of Algeria was they told him that Eldridge Cleaver wanted to kill him, that's why Tim left…"
This cell mate of Leary's wanted to be identified only as Yogi. He said that Leary had some "heavy" friends in prison who protected him.
"But he let everyone down. It's a well known fact that they took him out at night – the Feds did. Before he was testifying, they had Federal guards with him at all times. In the end he was in protective custody… When he was in prison no one knew he was a stool pigeon. He was a hero. He was living on his rep that he was the head Boo-Hoo of the acid freaks. That was enough to protect him by the heavy hippies who looked up to him.
"All of a sudden they took Timmy out at night. "Usually, when you go somewhere, you go by bus, but the Feds took him by car. They stayed with him at all times. That's when we began to suspect that he was working with the Feds…
"He still was Chief Boo-Hoo to most in prison. But then the word came down that he was testifying on Weathermen, and he even gave up his own lawyer and turned over the people who helped him get out of the country. He was giving out who was who in the groups, what they were doing, smuggling and narcotics… He gave up all that… they'd take him down to custody and they'd talk to him. Obviously, they told him, 'If you want to get out of here… if you don't give us what we want to know, we're going to make sure that you die in prison!'
"It was too much for him. I know that they were coming regularly to make him turn over on his own daughter. He could have gone out in style. He could have helped a lot of people… Then everybody found out he was a fucking weak punk.
"I don't know anyone who really respects him. That's why I told you the other night, I told you to tell him about me and see how he reacts. He knows me as Yogi, the guy who brought him the note from Nick (Sands?) in San Francisco. He used to go to the 3HO Yoga classes there…
"That was a beautiful day. Ram Das came and all of us was there. Tim didn't even have enough class to show up. He said that Ram Das was a child molester and he didn't even want to talk to him…"
"Could Leary have been working with the CIA or FBI during the whole 6time he was in prison," I asked Yogi. "Before his escape, and before he came back to prison?"
"He sure could," Yogi said. "He had to be something because to turn over like that, with the rep he had with all the beautiful people… I know he got a lot of people started on the spiritual path. He helped a lot of people get into meditation and yoga… He gained a lot of good karma for that, but he's going to need it.
"I really felt bad that someone who got so many people on the spiritual path was so weak in the end. I can't judge. I still got that joint consciousness. He's a rat and that's that. Let God take care of him. He had to do it the weak way. All my partners and all the people I knew in the joint, everyone felt the same way…"
I transcribed no tapes. Yogi's testimony was just hearsay – the talk of a convict. The second coincidence came: I was introduced to Leary's cell mate in Folsom. Again this man doesn't want to be identified. Both men said that they would, however, come forth to back me up if I ever needed them.
This second former convict has also gone straight and wants to protect his name. He was then the head of his own construction company and was making more money honestly, than he ever made at crime.
This man, we'll call him Ray, spoke of the period when Tim could not be found by his wife, Joanna. He said that one day Leary was returned to their cell with his head shaved and blue lines painted on it.
"Tim got just about the whole works. He was a different type of case than I was. They felt that they could use him a lot more than someone like me. I was an unknown, but if they could turn someone like Leary around and get him to do what he's doing right now, in fact, he'd be very useful to the government… the high priest had to be de-throned.
"Tim is a very fascinating person. There is only a handful of people who did what he did – who took a whole generation and turned them on. That was the challenge to the Feds, if they could find out how his mind worked, and use him…
"Well, one day he comes back to the cell with lines on his head. They were actually very precise measurement lines. His head was shaved and it was marked with all these careful, precise blue lines.
"I asked him what the lines were for. He told me that they were going to give him a lobotomy. They were going to stick ice picks into his brain. He told me that it was really going to be great. They had him completely brainwashed. He said, 'this is going to be the greatest thing. All my life I've been going through this, you get up, you get down, but now, ' he said, 'I'll be just as smart as I am, but I won't have to feel emotions any more. Wow!'"
"You think they broke him?" I asked.
"Totally controlled him. They gave him a lot of those fright drugs. They kept him in solitary. They did everything they could to break his mind, and they succeeded. Look at him now…"
"Suddenly he tells me he worked for the CIA for years," I said.
"Well, that may be one of their defenses. In other words, by admitting what you did, nobody believes it and it makes you look ridiculous. When they're done with you – and I've been through a lot of their drugs and tortures – at a certain state, you're really like a zombie. You're so conditioned chemically that a guy isn't even aware of what's happened. Leary bought the whole thing. They really have gotten good at it. You know, nobody is going to believe us…"
Then they didn't, but will they now?
"Leary never would have gotten out of prison," Ray said. "He'd either bend or they'd break him. No matter how sympathetic you may be, to really understand the situation, you have to go through it yourself. You say, well they couldn't break me. I wouldn't do it. It just couldn't happen.
"But believe me, we are like just so much putty and clay and we can just stand so much, and when they're finished with the mind control, it's almost impossible to tell…"
Still Ray's was just the testimony of another ex-con. While the testimony of his prisonmates was merely hearsay, at least they appeared to believed what they said. Leary, it seemed, believed nothing.
Even after 20 years these questions remain: Did Leary work for the CIA in the 1960's. If he did, why did he admit it? Was he proselytizing LSD during the '60's under CIA direction? Was Leary's escape from Vacaville, allegedly with the help of Cubans and Weather Underground, encouraged by the U.S. government so that Leary could later 'finger' those who helped him? Was his sojourn in Algeria with Cleaver, and in Switzerland, then Afghanistan also CIA directed.
One CIA document was dated 1 November 1963. It was headed:" MEMORANDUM FOR THE RECORD. SUBJECT: International Federation for Internal Freedom (IFIF), ALPERT, Richard, Ph.D., LEARY, Timothy F., Ph.D., Drugs, Mind Affecting, Agency Policy Regarding."
The last two paragraphs of that memo, now thirty-three years old, remain unanswered: The CIA Security Office (OS) "has not been able to determine whether any staff employees of the Agency have engaged in the unauthorized taking of any of these drugs, but there is information that some nonagency groups, particularly on the West Coast, have taken these drugs in a type of religious experimentation. While as previously mentioned there are no staff employees involved, some individuals known to have taken the drugs have sensitive security clearances and are engaged in classified work.
"Any information concerning the use of this type of drug for experimental or personal reasons should be reported immediately to Chief/SRS/OS (Office of Security) with all specific details furnished. In addition, any information of Agency personnel involved with the International Federation for Internal Freedom, or with Drs. ALPERT or LEARY, or with any group engaging in this type of activity should also be reported."
The memo was signed, "Chief/SRS/OS."
No follow-up was furnished in the CIA MKULTRA documents. This document is clearly an in-house query from the security division chief who was worried about what the other divisions of the CIA might be doing. Non-Agency groups meant contract agents or front groups. Staff employees are high-ranking CIA personnel who take their orders, usually, direct from Langley. The CIA operates on a "need to know" basis, with no individual knowing anything more than the minimum he or she needs to know to perform his or her job. Various agencies within the CIA, often the Office of the Deputy Director of Plans, then Richard Helms, were taking matters into their own hands with direction from above. Since the Chief of Security was so concerned, there must have been good reason. And what about Leary's own statement's that he wittingly followed the directions of the CIA in the 1960's? When former CIA Director, Admiral Stansfield Turner was asked whether or not the CIA supported Timothy Leary or gave Leary LSD, he replied only, "The CIA gave it to those who were doing the research."
Was Leary's involvement with promoting private enterprise in outer space, and especially his involvement with the L-5 Society also CIA inspired? A phone call to an old friend who'd once been a director of the L-5 Society revealed that it been about to fold for lack of subscriptions in 1080, when a retired military officer with known intelligence connections sent an unsolicited donation of $10,000 to save it from failure. He said he's wondered himself about the L-5 Society's Director, Carolyn Hanson who'd been with Leary when he visited me. I asked Ms. Hanson to tell me what her political ideas were and she evaded my question. I asked her another question and she was very cryptic. Leary had introduced her as "the smartest woman in the world," and she blushed and demurred, "Well, one of the smartest."
A few years later, in the mid 80's, Leary was writing books dictated by voices he heard, he said, coming from outer space.
Now knowing what we know about mind control, one has to ask if Timothy Leary was himself a victim of the same cryptocracy he once owed his allegiance to, like so many other government employees.
While LSD was banned by the federal government on October 6, 1966, it has made its comeback among the young as the recreational drug of choice. As if to prove its own failure in the "War on Drugs" a 1993 survey made by the federal government showed a substantial upswing in the use of acid by the nation's eighth-graders. The report recorded the highest level of LSD use by high school seniors since 1985 and it said the teen-agers perferred LSD to cocaine.
In 1966, most of the significant legal research projects into psychedelic drugs were officially closed. Only a small band of researchers continued to inch forward in their research, hoping to regain the government's blessing – and grants – to use it on human subjects. In 1991 they won approval from the Food and Drug Administration for the study of LSD's effect on 60 drug addicts.
According to the San Jose Mercury News, Richard Yensen, one of the researchers who was about to conduct an officially sanctioned study, said he believes that using humans to assesss LSD is essential because, "it is very hard to ask a rat what is happening in its consciousness."

Genius Project - Move to the Universe by person who live Hong Kong

Significant discoveries in psychology and physics Psychologically (Treatment of mood disorders) 心理學上（情緒病的治療方法） Physically (Mars immigration plan)
物理學上（火星移民計劃） First of all, I am a manic-depressive patient. Actually I don't know if I am manic-depressive patient, but if you define the symptoms of this disease, I think I do. But please don't judge me first. Reading and analyzing this article, you will know am I correct. Scientists have found powerful evidence that genius may be linked with madness. Our brains structure are congenitally different from ordinary people. The brain runs very fast during the manic phase, but I don't know when we will reach the end. For details, see the characteristics related to bipolar disorder. I think your current treatment of bipolar disorder is wrong because you never understand us. There are many methods and experiences in treating this disease in my mind, and I am confident that my experience can help you. I can say with certainty that your knowledge of this disease is only in your definition of us. For me, as long as I am in an "manic" state, my view of quantum mechanics and religion is completely different from that of ordinary people. We instinctively like to learn about religion, like to learn about the world, and like what we think is the truth. I think these are all areas that can be studied, and there are many more. Although I am not deep in every research, but I can have a different understanding of everything. I think American movies are the existence that convinces us of consciousness. You must have deep research in these areas. I want to learn , but I can’t learn this knowledge online. I want to be smart all the time, so I come to you. 首先，我是一個有躁鬱症的人。其實我不知道自己是，但如果你們定義這個病的症狀，我想我有。但請不要先把我先把我定型，請先把這篇文章看完或分析，這樣就會知道我是否正確。科學家發現了有力的證據表明，天才可能與瘋狂有關。我們腦袋結構先天性與普通人不同，在躁階段時腦袋運行得特別快，但我不知道什麼時候會到達終點。我相信我是天才。詳情自行參閱躁鬱症相關的特徵。我覺得你們現今治療躁鬱症的方法是錯誤的，因為你們從不理解我們。我腦海中有很多治療這病的方法及經驗，我有信心以我的經驗可以幫到你們。我可以肯定地説，你們對這個病的認知都只是存於你們對我們的定義。對我來說，只要我一在"躁"的狀態，我看量子力學與宗教的看法完全有別於一般人。我們會本能上喜歡學習宗教，喜歡學習這個世界，喜歡我們覺得是真理的東西。對我來說，只要我一在"躁"的狀態，我看量子力學與宗教的看法完全有別於一般人。我們會本能上喜歡學習宗教，喜歡學習這個世界，喜歡我們覺得是真理的東西。我覺得這都是可以研究的方向，還有很多。雖然我對每一項研究都不深，但我對每件事都可以有不同的理解。我覺得美國電影是令我們信服意識的存在，你們在這方面一定有很深的研究，我想學習，但網上學不到關於這方面的知識，我想一直變得聰明，所以來找你們。 I agree with you that we will be very arrogant, but at the same time because of this disease, we will be very humbly asking for advice. You can ask my opinion, and then test whether my inference is the same as your research, such as consciousness, religious mechanics, quantum mechanics. I don't know how much time I have been smart, but I can understand one thing very deeply and understand it quickly compared to others. But in fact, I don't know if I am smart, because the people around me are just ordinary college students, so I want to prove it. I need an authority in this area to help me. I think everyone has a world. I used to have a low self-esteem because I was the only one who liked Buddha. But after reading the definition of quantum mechanics, I think I am very smart, because everything in the world is universal. I think my life is too dull, I can chat with you, or you can give me some research directions, and let me understand it in different way. This is just something that I find fun and use to avoid exam. Whether I say it is true or not, it is worth to study on this genius disease. For me, all people with bipolar disorder are geniuses. It's just being advertised as a disease by society, requiring treatment, harmful to society, and being discriminated against by the public. This is what makes bipolar disorder to be the highest rate of suicide. The real murderers are all psychologists. 我同意你們所說我們會很自大，但同時因為這個病，我們會很虛心請教。你可以問我的看法，再測試我的推論與你們的研究是否相同，例如意識上、宗教力學上、量子力學上。我不知道我聰明的時間有多少，但我對一件事的理解可以很深，相對其他人很快就明白。不過其實我不知我是否聰明，因為我身邊的人都只是普通的大學生，所以我希望證明，我需要一個這方面的權威來幫我。我覺得每一個人都有一個世界。我以前很自卑，因為只有我喜歡佛。但看完量子力學的定義，我覺得自己很聰明，因為原來世界上所有東西都是通用的。我覺得我的生活太沉悶，我可以與你們聊天，或者你地可以給我一些研究的方向，讓我用不同角度去理解。這只是一個我覺得好玩用來逃避考試的東西，無論我說的是否事實，在這個病上都值得研究的。對我來說，所有患有躁鬱症的都是天才。只是被社會標榜成一種病，需要接受治療，對社會有害，被大眾歧視。這才是令躁鬱症成為自殺率最高疾病的原因，真正的殺人兇手就是一眾心理醫生。 Consciousness 24 Billy You disdain consciousness. The master character decides which one has memory, and we can choose to forget or not. Each of us has conscious, for example, you have seen ghosts, it depends on whether you are afraid and choose to forget or not. In fact, we can choose to forget, but we have already forgotten the progress. People recall everything before death. I deduced from this, it may be wrong or right. But at least after I overcome this disease, I know that I can actually control my manic character, provided that I have a broad mind. The Chinese Buddha has helped me a lot in this regard, although I cannot forget, or I have forgotten whether I have forgotten. My consciousness tells me that I can do it, even if I can't prove it.irm it. I tried to have lucid dreams since I was a child, but I couldn’t do it, even after using many methods. Last night was the first time I tried it with a modern method. In fact, I couldn’t do it. I should say I don’t remember if I can do it. Here, I need your help. I believe the deep subconsciousness exists, but every time I wake up I can't recall it. I want to use it to help more people like me. I am not afraid that you will think I am crazy, because I am used to being treated as a stranger. Even if no one says it, I can feel it. People with mood disorders are particularly sensitive in emotional perception. I am grateful that psychology has taught me a lot, and I admit that psychology has saved many people. However, due to the stereotype of this disease, more and more people are getting this disease. While saving people, we are all harming people. 24個比利你們太少看意識。主人格決定那個擁有記憶，而且我們可以選擇忘記。我們每個人都有意識，例如看過鬼。但看你怕不怕而去選擇忘記與否。其實是我們自己選擇去不去忘記，不過我們已經忘記了。人死前會記得所有事情，俗稱走馬燈。我是由這去推論的，可能錯，亦可能對。但最少我克服了這個病後，我知道自己其實可以控制到狂燥的性格出來，前提我必須令到自己心胸廣闊。中國的佛在這方面幫助了我好多，雖然我做不到忘記，或者我已經忘記有沒有忘記。我的意識告訴我我一定會做得到，即使我不能證實。我由小時候就嘗試發清醒夢，但我做不到，即使用了很多方法，昨晚是我第一次用現代的方法試，其實我也做不到，應該説我不記得我能否做到，我想你們幫我。我覺得深度潛意識是存在的，但每次醒來我都回想不起。我想用它去幫助更多與我一樣的人，我不怕你覺得我瘋狂，因為我習慣了被人當異類。就算沒人説，我都感覺到，有情緒病的人情感感知上都特別靈敏。我很感激心理學教會了我好多，亦承認心理學救了很多人。但因為我們定型了這是病，所以越來越多人得這個病。救人的同時，我們都在害人。 My characteristics 我的特質 1. I like to think. I am born different from people, so I will change myself to conform to the surrounding environment. In fact, I was extremely painful, and I didn't know the reason before. But after studying for an hour, I found that this is very similar to the definition of psychological commonwealth. Whether through images or text, I have a strong imagination. So I can mimic his world by studying the story of a saint, just like the god in the Bible. I think god didn't let Adam and Eve to eat the apple, it's because he think that the wisdom is too painful for human. It may be very arrogant. When you have wisdom, you will feel that the world is so boring. I have liked religion since I was a child, because I like stories and everyone's world. For example, what the Buddha said, the past, the present and the future. My understanding is that he understands everything at that moment and he can let go. I think people make his thought upside-down. When people get old, they can let go. Letting go of everything can make me progress. The most difficult thing is to let go of my own knowledge and learn the world with new understanding. To me, everything in the world makes sense. I have obtained is too little information now, so I am too narrow to see things. It seems that I was born to solve the problems. Life is not interesting or challenging for me. Also, I think emotional illness is our body's mechanism to protect ourselves. For example, hurting ourselves is actually to prevent our own suicide. 2. I sent this plan to all psychology associations and scientists in the world. Actually I feel nervers and low self-esteem after sending. Because I am overthrowing everything, but I believe I can bring you new perspectives. Please believe me or refute me. 3. Let’s talk about treatment of bipolar disorder, I have a diary that records my treatment of myself. The last challenge I gave myself was smoking, and then forced to quit smoking when I felt addicted. Although the process is a bit hard, I really enjoy the process of successfully quitting smoking. Due to my strong self-confidence, I never doubted myself. It's like I am born to believe that I am better than others, even if his grades are better than me. 4. I long for knowledge, and I hope to learn all the truths in this world. Atoms, quantum and relativity are all known to us humans. Believe me, if AI becomes smart and conscious, they will find it very boring because humans are stupid. I am actually inferior, but also arrogant. You are right, just like God's arrogant thoughts. But I always remind myself to keep an open mind to ask for advice. It is an inevitable fact for me to become the smartest person in the future. Using your current inferences, this kind of illness has made my consciousness fantastic. Because I was born to feel smart is inevitable. I'm sorry, I don't want to be so arrogant, and I feel guilty many times for this. Trust me, I believe everyone is equally smart. 5. Finally, let me talk about why you want to send an email, because I only know the definition of bipolar disorder today. I was surprised to find that the disease was the same as mine, only to realize that the disease was defined so badly. I was very angry, so I wanted to speak up for this disease. We are geniuses, but in the first 20 years of life, you have to survive it yourself, and you can become me. Don't believe the conclusions of psychologists. The one who knows best about yourself is actually yourself. From a modern perspective, the pain of your birth is destined to be extraordinary. This is your opportunity, because you are happier than normal people. You can choose to be treated by someone who has never had an emotional illness, be an ordinary person, or believe in yourself and be an extraordinary person. 1. 我喜歡思考，因為生來就與人不同，所以我會改變自身去形合周圍環境。其實我是極其痛苦的，以往不知道原因。但在這一小時學習後發現，這和心理上共同體的定義很像。無論是透過影像或是文字，我都有很強的想象。所以我可以通過學習一位聖人的故事，去模疑他的世界，就像聖經中的神，我認為他不讓我們吃果實是因為智慧實在太痛苦，可能是很自大。當你擁有智慧時就會感覺到這世界是這麼無聊。我自小對宗教就很喜歡，因為我喜歡故事，喜歡每個人的世界。例如佛所說的，過去現在未來，在我的理解是他在那一刻明白到所有事，才可以放下。我覺得我們模仿他是本未倒置得的，人到老去，就自然能放下，放下每件事，都能令我進步。目前最難的是放下我自己的學識，用新的理解去學習這個世界。對我來說，世間所有事都解釋得通。但我認為現時只是我得到的資料太少，所以我看事都太郟窄。我好像生來就是為了破解未破的難題，因為生活對我來說沒怎麼興趣或挑戰。還有，我認為情緒病是我們身體保護自己的機制，例如傷害自己其實是為了防止自己的自殺。 2. 這計劃我發給了世界的所有心理學協會及科學家。我其實發完都會感到不安及自卑，因為正在推翻你們的一切，但相信我可以帶給你們新的觀點，請相信我或反駁我。 3. 說一說我對於躁鬱症的治療方法，我有一篇日記記錄下我治療自己的過程。我最後給自己的挑戰是吸煙，然後再覺得上癮的時候強制戒煙。雖然過程有點辛苦，但我很享受成功戒煙的過程。而且由於我有強大的自信，我只是覺得困難，但從來沒懷疑過自己。就好像生來就相信自己比別人強，就算他的成績比我好。 4. 我渴望知識，我希望學到這世上所有真理。原子、量子和相對論都是我們人類而知的。相信我，如果AI變得聰明及有意識的話，他們一定會覺得很無聊，因為人類很笨。我其實是自卑的，但同時也是自大的。你們說得很對，就跟神一樣的自大想法。但我時刻提醒自己保持虛心請教，對我來說，未來成為最聰明的人是必然的事實。用你們現今其中的推論來說，這樣的疾病使我的意識異想強大。因為我生來就覺得聰明是必然的。對不起，我也不想這樣自大，我也為過這事感到自責很多次。相信我，我相信每個人是一樣聰明的。 5. 最後說一下為什麼要發電郵，因為我今天才知道躁鬱症的定義。我驚訝地發現病症跟我一樣，才知道這病被定義得這麼慘。我很憤怒，所以才想為這病發聲。我們是天才，只不過在人生一開始的20多年，你必須要自己挨過，挨得過，你就可以成為我。不要相信心理學家的定論，最清楚自己的，其實是你自己。現代的角度來說，你出生的痛苦就注定你的不平凡。這是你的機遇，因為你比正常人幸福，你可以選擇接受一個沒得過情緒病的人的治療，做一個平凡人，還是相信你自己，做一個不平凡的人。 I need money and achievements to prove to my parents that I am smart, but for myself, money is just to make me happy to buy what I love. For me, it is very difficult to prove that I am a talented person, and I have never felt that I do not need it, because I am only better in my mind. From a social point of view, I am a rubbish because I study too slowly, so I I hate these things. I know that if I like learning, I am a relative genius. I never think I am smart. I think the world is big. I hope to communicate with the authorities of all countries in the world. I want to use a social perspective to prove that I am a genius, but I don't want to think about proving myself, because if this continues, suicide is an inevitable result for me. I hope I can save myself. I hope that a psychologist will believe in me and give me the basic needs to do my research. At least for the time being, I love psychology. If you ask me, it’s very simple to solve this disease, that is, I don’t have to go to work, and I don’t have to learn what I don’t like to prove myself.I don't know how I work in this society is suitable for me, I hate the environment of many people, hate money, hate being famous, so I hope you can help me keep these opinions secret. I hope someone believes in me and is willing to believe in me, but it doesn't matter to me. Maybe after that I will no longer be interested in psychology, because no one has proven that what I said is correct. Ever since I was young, I have always felt that my talent is daydreaming. I hope someone can believe me, but in my heart I just feel that proving myself is troublesome. The 28th is the day when I am going to take the exam. I hope that before that, through this method, I will change my destiny in accounting. Because I am a Chinese, this is only done for my family, but I know that I will only commit suicide if I continue. Perhaps very arrogant, but I hope you believe that I am capable. Perhaps many of my current theories are very naive, but I really feel bored and lonely. I hope I can calm down and study, but I know that I need to take drugs that calm down to do what I don't want to do, and at the same time my mind will become stupid. 我需要金錢及成就去證明給我父母聽我是聰明的，但對於我自己，金錢只是為了讓我開心可以買到自己喜愛的事。對我來說，證明自己是天材是很困難的，也從來都覺得不需要，因為我只是思想上比較強，以社會的看法而言，我是一個垃圾，因為我學習太慢，所以我討厭著這些事。我知道如果我喜歡學習，我就是相對的天才。我從來都不覺得自己聰明，我覺得這個世界很大，我希望跟這世界各國的權威交流。我想用社會的角度來證明我是天才，但我不希望再在證明自己上思考，因為這樣下去，自殺對我來說是必然的結果。我希望可以拯救得到自己，我希望有心理學家願意相信我，給我基本的所需去做我的研究，最起碼暫時我是喜愛心理學的。如果你問我，要解決這個病很簡單，就是我不用再去工作，不用再去學我不喜歡的事去證明自己。我不知道我在這社會上有怎麼工作是適合我的，我討厭很多人的環境，討厭金錢，討厭成名，所以我希望你們可以幫我保密這些看法。我希望有人相信我，願意相信我，不過對我來說也不重要。或許過後我就不再對心理學有興趣，因為已經沒人證明到我所說的是正確。從小到大，我都覺得我的天份是發白日夢，我希望有人可以相信我，但我內心從來都只是覺得證明自己很麻煩。28號就是我要考試的日子，我希望在這之前，透過這種方法來改變我要從事會計的命運。因為我是中國人，這都只是為了我的家人而做，但我很清楚自己繼續下去只會自殺。或許很自大，但我希望你們相信我是有能力的，或許我現在的很多理論都是很天真，但我真的覺得好無聊，感到很孤獨。我希望可以靜下來溫習，但我知道我必需要吃情緒安定的藥才可以做得到不想做的事，同時我的腦子會變得愚蠢。 I am convinced that I am special, but I am not sure if I am smart, because all the quasi-tests in this society show that I am stupid. For me, this is the fate I was born to accept. I was born with this kind of pain, and I know I can’t change it, so this plan is my gamble. I hope someone can use my talent. Actually, I don’t know what it does to me, I just don’t get bored. So this is also the cause of the most suicide rate. I have also prevented myself from committing suicide many times, and used the method of hurting myself to prevent further loss. I am arrogant, but at the same time I am extremely inferior. Numbers are used to calculate the future, but this is limited to the human perspective. I believe in the theory of relativity and I like quantum mechanics, because one thing finally proves that I am not lying. I hope someone can help me, but don't help me from the perspective of a normal person, because I was born abnormal. I believe that my nature is kind, and getting up every day is for me to hone my character, because I think this world is boring and no one will understand me. The following are my characteristics. I hope someone can use my characteristics to arrange a job for me instead of just arranging me a normal job. 我深信我是特別的，但我不肯定我是不是聰明，因為這個社會所有的準測都顯示我很蠢。對我來說，這是我生來就要接受的命運。我生來就是這樣的痛苦，我很清楚我改變不了，所以這篇計劃是我的賭博，我希望有人可以運用到我這種天份。其實我不知道這對我有什麼用，我只是為了不感到無聊。所以這也是自殺率最多的病的原因，我也曾經多次阻止自己自殺，用傷害自己的方法來阻止繼續失落。我是自大的，但同時也是極度的自卑。數字是用來計算未來，但這只限於人的角度。我相信相對論，很喜歡量子力學，因為終於有一件事可以證明我不是在說謊。我希望有人可以幫助我，但不要用正常人的角度去幫助我，因為我生來就不正常。我相信我的本性是善良的，每天起床對我來說都是磨練自己的心性，因為覺得這世界很無聊，沒人會理解我。以下是我的特質，我希望有人可以利用我的特性為我安排工作，而不單單安排我一份正常人的工作。 1. From a psychological point of view, my brain turns very fast, this feeling will make you feel like a god. Thinking from this perspective, I can say that I am the person closest to the idea of God, and I can easily understand what they say. 2. Through my eyes, I can feel good or bad instinctively. I don't know if it is wrong or right, but when I look at that person, I intuitively like or dislike him. 3. Wisdom can make me addicted, and I know very well that if I want to get ahead in society, I must go to cure. But I hate it because it is changing my character and my nature. It's never a disease, but people don't understand it. I have tried to understand the world of normal people since I was born. I am abnormal in your eyes, but you are the abnormal in my eyes. My life is only rational, but I actually have a lot of emotions. But you must rely on such a strong xinxing to control yourself. To me, Buddha and Confucius are both smart people because I understand their words. 4. No matter what the result is, my destiny is destined in my opinion. Maybe many people want to be a smart person, but believe me, you will be better than dead, just to sort out such a mess of thoughts, come to me Saying takes more time than others, so I hate typing. Regardless of the result, thank you. I have been very happy these two days. I have learned a lot and I have deepened my understanding of my illness. I really want you to help me prove it, but I have to put it down again, because if this continues, I may not be able to think about it. 1. 在心理學的角度，我的大腦轉得很快，這種感覺會讓你好像神一樣。以這種角度去想，我可以說是最接近神想法的人，我可以很易理解到他們說的話。 2. 透過眼睛，我可以本能地感覺到好壞，我不知道是錯是對，但一看那個人我就會直覺喜歡或不喜歡他。 3. 智慧是會讓我上癮的，我很清楚我要在社會上出人頭地就要去醫治。但我很討厭，因為這是在改變著我的性格及我的本質。這從來不是病，只是人們不理解。我從一出生就要努力去理解正常人的世界，我在你們眼中不正常，但你們才是我眼中的不正常。我的生活只有理性，其實我是有著豐富的情感的。但必需要靠這樣強大的心性，才可以控制住自己。對我來說，佛陀、孔子都是一個聰明人，因為我理解他們的話。不論結果如，在我看來我的命運都是注定的，或許很多人都想當一個聰明的人，但相信我，你會生不如死的，單是要整理這麼亂的想法，對我來說就要比其他人用更多的時間，所以我討厭著打字。 4. 不論結果如何，謝謝你們。這兩天我很開心，我學習到很多，對自己病情的理解又加深了一步。我很想你們可以幫我證明，但我又必須放下，因為再這樣下去我可能又會想不開。 My arrogance limits my knowledge I have fought so many times, maybe you don’t believe that I have this disease. For me, I don’t know if things are right. As long as I am happy or angry, my thinking will be relatively fast. I try to give explanations based on my childhood experience, but they are only representative of me. It is very painful for me to have this disease, but now I am very happy to be able to communicate with you about this aspect, and my learning speed will become relatively faster. We are really not arrogant. I believe that people with this disease have super intuition. I don’t know if it’s right, but I can quickly judge right or wrong based on what I have learned. The more you get, the more accurate your judgment will be than others. When I was a child, I couldn't concentrate on class, because my mind often popped up many different ideas. Let me talk about my characteristics and hope that I can help you. 我的自大限制了我的知識我打了這麼多，或許你們會不相信我擁有這個病，對我來說，我也不知道事情是不是正確。只要我開心或憤怒，我的思維會相對比較快，我嘗試根據我小時候的經驗給出解釋，但都只是代表我。擁有這個病對我來說生來就非常痛苦，我現在很開心可以跟你們交流這方面的事，我學習的速度就會變得相對比較快。我們真係不是自大，我相信擁有這個病的人都有超強的直覺，我也不知道是不是對的，但我可以根據我學過的東西快速判斷對錯，所以理據上只要我學得越多，判斷就會比別人準。我小時候集中不了上課，因為我的腦海經常性地彈出很多不同的想法，我再說說我的特質，希望可以幫到你們。 1. I like to fight since I was born, and people around me will habitually believe in me. Anger can make me think quickly. I used to believe in constellations because I was a Scorpio. I thought it was a kind of stingy character, but in fact, I seldom get angry with people. Usually the point of my anger is that they don't believe me. In the process of growing up, we will meet many people who are more knowledgeable than me. It is very painful for us to accept new things, because in our minds, what we say is the truth. 2. I have never liked drinking since I was young because it makes me unable to think. 3. I like an absolutely quiet place, as long as I say to be serious, whether in games or in study (but usually I can’t concentrate unless you like the person who teaches you very much) As long as anyone interrupts me, I will definitely I can't control the tantrums at the people around me. People around me will definitely feel that we are trapped in ourselves and want to save us. But we can only figure it out by ourselves, because we are very arrogant about ourselves, we only believe in people who are smarter or stronger than us. Take me as an example. I respect cleaners or scientists, because these are boring to me and I can't do it. I used to think I was lazy, but it may also be true, because I couldn't prove it. 4. I enjoy communicating with you, because you are all authorities in this area. I like psychology very much because it teaches me many things. But I hate clinical psychologists. If you believe in common or sympathetic psychology, I think boredom is a necessary characteristic of this profession. It is painful to talk about my own emotions, because I was born to feel that it is natural to understand the emotions of others, which is inevitable in my world. I think it can be inferred that people with mood disorders have this characteristic, but I can't confirm it. 5. If I were to comment on myself, I think I am extremely contradictory. Although when I type now, I feel that what I say is the truth, but after the excitement, I will extremely question myself, because I was born to feel that I was wrong, because the people around me did not agree with me. If possible, I hope to reply to me as soon as possible. I need this knowledge to confirm my thoughts. The waiting now has brought me great pain. I hope someone will reply and say that I am wrong, because this will allow me to improve myself. 6. Although I know I will regret saying such things later, I am sure that no one knows myself better than I do. I have never seen a psychologist, so I actually don't know if I have this disease. I can only say with certainty that I have had the characteristics of this disease since I was a child, but until now I don't agree with the view that mood disease is a disease. To solve this disease, we must have strong knowledge, and then let go of this knowledge to truly feel the so-called patients. You must know/believe them in your heart. Because I think people with emotional illness will naturally know what you think. This is a kind of talent. As long as our society does not reject them, they are not patients. 7. I hope that I can talk to this authority and use him to solve the side effects of this disease. In fact, it is a lot of pressure for me. I know that it is very disrespectful for me to question you with a little knowledge. I am sorry for my arrogance, time is very important to me, every minute and every second seems to test my own xinxing, I am very harmful, and my heart beats fast and I sleep Don't teach. 8. By the way, you can speak to me in English. I know that it may be difficult for you to use Chinese, but my mind turns too fast, so I can only choose my mother tongue to speak to you. 1. 我生來就喜歡吵架，我身邊的人都會習慣性的相信我。憤怒可以讓我思想變得很快。我以前相信星座的，因為我是天蠍座的，我以為這是我小氣的一種性格，但其實我很少對人生氣，通常我生氣的點在於他們不相信我。成長的過程總會遇到很多比我學識比我強的人，我們接受新的事物是很痛苦的，因為我們的腦海中，我們所說的就是真理。 2. 我從少就不喜歡喝酒，因為它讓我思考不了。 3. 我喜歡絕對安靜的地方，只要我說了要認真，無論是遊戲上或是學習上 (不過通常都集中不了除非你很喜歡那個教你的人) 只要有任何人打擾我，我就一定會控制不了向身邊的人發脾氣，身邊的人一定會有一種感覺是我們在困在自己，很想拯救我們。但我們只能靠自己想通，因為我們對自己是非常自大的，我們只相信比我們聰明或強的人。以我為例，我很尊重清潔工人或是科學家，因為對我來說這些都很無聊，我做不到。從前以為是我懶，不過可能也是事實，因為我證實不到。 4. 我很喜歡跟你們交流，因為你們都是這方面的權威。我很喜歡心理學，因為教會我很多東西。但我很討厭臨床心理學家，如果在心理學上相信共同或共感體的話，我覺得悶是這職業的必要特質。談論自己的情緒是痛苦的，因為我生來就覺得明白別人的情緒是天生擁有的，這是我世界必然的事。我覺得可以由此推論有情緒病的人都有這特性，但我證實不了。 5. 如果要我自己評論自己，我覺得我是極奇矛盾的。雖然我現在打字的時候會覺得我說的就是真理，但興奮過後，我會極度質疑自己，因為我生來就覺得自己是錯的，由於身邊的人都不認同我。如果可以的話，我希望可以快一點回覆我，我需要這方面的知識去印證我的想法。現在的等待為我帶來極大的痛苦，我希望有人回覆說我錯，因為這樣可以使我改進自己。 6. 雖然我知道我等一下會後悔說這樣的話，但我可以肯定沒人比我更了解我自己。我從來沒看過心理醫生，所以我其實不知道自己有沒有這個病。我只可以肯定地說，這個病的特質我從小都有，但直到現在我也不認同情緒病是病的觀點。想解決這個病，我們必須擁有強大的知識，然後放下這些知識去真切感受所謂的病人，你的內心一定要知道/相信他們是沒問題的。因為我覺得情緒病的人自然就會知道你的想法，這是一種天份，只要我們社會不排斥他們，他們就不是病人。 7. 我希望可以跟這方面的權威交談，透過他來解決這個病的副作用。其實對我來說是很大壓力的，我知道我用少少的知識來質疑你們是很不尊重的。我為我的自大感到抱歉，時間對我來說很重要，每一分每一秒的過去都好像考驗我自己的心性，我很害性自己說錯，我的心跳得很快，我睡不著教。 8. 對了，可以用英語跟我說話，我知道我用中文可能對你們來說很困難，但我的腦海轉動得太快，所以我只能選擇我的母語跟你們說話。

Worst Hotel: Second Shift

[Worstverse]
Ok, first of all, I learned that if I leave my laptop sitting out with the file open, that certain room mates who think I have a "limited" vocabulary sneak in little changes while I'm not looking to make me sound more eloquitated. I appreciate the gesture, but it makes me feel like they think I'm simple or something. Just cause I got a little gambling problem don't mean I'm stupid. So this time I'M gonna use big words without anyone's help. Not even one of those dinosaurus books.
So after I get the rundown of the weird brass looking bar thing, Lezley escorts me out of my room and back to the elevator. Once we exit on the 8th floor he walks me over to the room marked with a number 1.
"Ok, this is the custodial nexus for this floor." He explained. "You take your number 1 key like this and unlock the door."
We then entered the room and I was shown over to another door on the far side that had a large panel of key holes numbered 2-260. Pointing to the panel he spoke again.
"This is your room directory. Put your number 1 key into the key hole of the room you need to go to and then open the door. Remember to take your key in with you otherwise when you leave the room you'll have to walk all the way back from whatever room you were in at the time. But as long as you have the key, when you open the door it will bring you back to the custodial nexus." He continued.
He then showed me a large whiteboard covered in names and numbers.
"This is where you'll find your room assignments once you get them. They change from day to day based on who's on non-custodial duty at any given time, so be sure to always check it. Room work is pretty standard." He said, turning me the other direction to face shelves of fresh sheets, towels, cleaning supplies, trash bags, carts, and so on.
"Just load up your cart like so, change the sheets, blankets, and pillow cases, give the bathroom a wipe down, vacuum, dust, take care of any other small things you notice, and you're all set. Then you bring the dirty crap back here and drop it down the laundry shoot. Sound easy enough?" He asked once he finished.
"Um, yeah I guess. That still doesn't explain why I need this crazy police baton from hell though." I said, gesturing to the metal bar on my belt.
"Ah yeah yeah, that's coming up next. Now that you know what to do up here, we go down to Mr. Giggles' fun time room." He answered.
"Is that really what it's called?!" I asked, seeing the name printed over the entrance to the room. "I thought you were screwing with me!"
"Yeah, but that's just to soften the blow of being one of the worst experiences of your life." He replied before suddenly shoving me in and slamming the door behind me.
I looked around for a second to take in my new surroundings, Lezley's words echoing in my brain. The first thing I noticed was how plain the room was. It was very clean, almost im... imaclate... It was spotless, but practically empty. Then I realized the floor was covered in padded gym type mats from one side to the other.
"Welcome friend." A strange voice snaked across the room from an unseen source.
"Were are you? How are you hiding in here?" I asked the voice.
The voiced answered back, "I was not aware the standing behind someone counts as hiding."
I spun around on my heel as fast as I could but I wasn't prepared for what I saw, or... what I didn't see I guess. I don't know, it's still pretty hard to explain. It had the basic from of a human, you might even say a man, but within that outline was just absence. No light, no shapes, no dimension, nothing. You can't really appreciate it without seeing for yourself. It was difficult to even look at. It wasn't like empty space but... more like the thing's appearance was based on information human eyes aren't able to detect, so my eyes couldn't see in that specific area. I was basically looking into blindness... in the shape of a man.
My eyes started to hurt so I turned away and sat on the padded floor. "Mr. Giggles I presume."
"I do ever so hate that. It's Jhigless, but the staff have given me that awful nickname." He responded.
"Oh I'm sorry Mr. Jhigless." I said.
"It's quite alright young man." The entity known as Mr. Jhigless replied in his ethereal voice. "Now shall we begin your training? We have a very long way to go. Many months before the door will open again."
"Yeah I guess... WAIT! WHAT DO YOU MEAN MONTHS?!" I barked as I stood to face him.
"Do not worry. You will have everything you require in here and for those outside it shall only seem to have been but a moment between when you enter and when you exit. And by the time you leave you will be among the ranks of the finest warriors on the face of the earth." He tried to explain.
So after pitching another legendary shit fit, it was explained to me that the entity I was sequestered(I been to court enough to know that word well) with was responsible for training the hotel staff in the use of this weird weapon stick thing they just called a cudgel. Once you get the hang of it you can pretty much change it into any kind of weapon you need at the time or just prefer. And we were about to spend the better part of a year(or so I was led to believe) giving me the works on how to use as many variations of that thing as possible and even how to fight without it. But even through all that I never got a straight answer as to why...
I lost track of time in that place. No days or nights. Food would just show up and disappear. Every now and then I'd get new clothes after my old ones started to fall apart on my body. There was a shit bucket. I'd rather not talk about the shit bucket.
I did learn that I had a rare talent for splitting the cudgel in half and turning one half into a sword and the other half into a shield. Apparently there's only one other member in cluster 8 that can even do that. And I always liked that movie Troy and fighting with a short sword and a shield made me feel like Achilles, so I kinda formed a preference for that.
The training was miserable however. My waking hours that weren't dedicated to drills or repetitive motions or physical fitness were allotted to sparring with Mr. Jhigless that increased in intensity until by the end I felt as though each session was a for real struggle for my life. My countless injuries were treated with strange and potent balms and medicines that healed me in hours. I knew nothing but combat for what quickly became an unnumberable amount of days. I felt my sanity beginning to slip away. Then all at once, without any warning the door suddenly creaked open allowing the hall lights from outside to shine in.
I slowly edged my way out.
"Damn man! Mr. Giggles must have really seen something in you. You were in there for like 3 whole seconds. I've never even heard of that! I was only in there for like one. Maybe one and a half! That must have been brutal." I heard Lezley speak to me.
I turned and had to give my mind time to readjust to seeing actual shapes and colors within a human profile. After that I walked slowly over to him, took both hands and grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled his face close to mine as I took a deep breath.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I screamed into his face at the top of my lungs, the infinite hours of pent up insanity all pouring out at once. "He prefers Mr. Jhigless..." I said softly before pushing him away.
"Boy you really were in there for a while weren't you? Alright, now that's out of the way, time to take you to see The Manager." He said and began leading me down another hall.
A few minutes later we were at the door to the manager's office. This is the kind of experience you never ever forget, no matter how messed up in the head you are at the time.
"Ok, I'm gonna take off back to the main desk and try to get some work done. So you just knock and enter when you're told to. And you might want to mind your manners in there." Lezley cautioned. It didn't take long to understand why.
As he turned and walked back the way we came I reached out to give a few raps on the door but before I could, "Come in" sounded through the wood. It was a old voice. Like what you'd expect a grandfather who's also a lumberjack to have. Soft and stern. Aged and wise. I felt a tingle of reverence run down my spine before I ever turned the knob.
As I entered I noticed that this room looked very much like a normal everyday office you'd see at any hotel. Finally some normalcy you might think. But then I notice that I was again seemingly alone. Until the far wall... Well the far wall behind the desk literally molded into a vaguely human shape, taking a seat at the dest as it did.
"Please Travis, come have a seat my boy." The... wall said, gesturing to the chair on the opposite side of the desk. "Now, I'm sure you have a lot of questions." The strange entity protruding from the wall spoke.
"Uh yeah, but the wall thing and the room... Was in there so long. Kinda forgot what they were." I answered quietly as I looked around the room from my seat.
"Oh yes yes. Don't worry. It takes a few hours but most of the memory of the time spent in there will fade away before long to seem like a mere dream." The manager explained.
"Oh... Ok." I mumbled, noticing that I was still tightly grasping the cudgel. I had got used to keeping it ready to fend off Mr. Jhingless's surprise attacks. I got to where I could take the thing from a solid bar to a sword and shield in about half a second and be ready to fight.
"Come come, no need for that in here." The Manager said, noticing me fiddling with it in my hand.
"Oh, ok." I repeated, sliding it back into its pouch for the first time in what felt like ages.
"I suppose you're probably wondering what all of this is." He said, gesturing around in a broad motion. "Well to put it as plainly as possible, it's me. Yes, me. I am the hotel. I am also responsible for the initiation of the various dimensions that this hotel connects."
"I um, wait. Wouldn't that make you... God or something?" I asked as a sensation I still can't adequately describe washed over me.
"Ah, well yes and no. If you mean in the Biblical sense, then very much no. If you mean as the catalyst for the thing you know as the universe, then I am afraid so. But please, try not to think of me that way. There are many different beings native to many of the various dimensions that call themselves gods, yours included. And yes, even the one in the Bible. Though I must admit I'm not overly fond of that one myself. But as it stands, I only have my staff intervene in issues that involve a being from one dimension causing problems in another that they aren't native to." He explained.
"So wait... If you're God, does that make me an angel? AM I DEAD?!" I yelled, leaping up from my chair.
"Oh sit down. You aren't dead and you're hardly anything close to an angel." He said. "Though if you do ever run into one do be a dear and get rid of it for me. Awful, arrogant, meddlesome things they are. That cudgel can kill anything in any dimension. I make the metal myself so you can bet the farm on it. And I believe after spending... Oh my goodness, five years with Mr. Jhingless, oh dear dear dear. You poor boy." The Manager said standing from his chair and placing a hand on my shoulder causing a mixture of excitement, nausea, and reverence to all wash over me at once. "You go back to your room. He knows better than to keep someone for that long. Get some rest and come back tomorrow and we'll talk some more, ok?"
"Yeah, yeah. I think I'll do that." I replied, stirring back to my feet and making for the door.
As I past by the hall that leads to the front desk on the way back to the common room I could hear a commotion in the distance. It sounded like screams! I took off full speed down the hall to investigate. I slid to a halt as I ran head first into a nightmare. Strange giant insect, spider like creatures were scuttling everywhere. Suddenly I heard a massive WHOOSH and felt a wave of heat from my left.
Lezley was wearing an actual flamethrower and was blasting fire up and down the walls scorching the bug things as he went. Every puff of flames sending more of the monstrosities shrieking and scurrying for dear life in their final moments. In a flash something lunged at me, knocking me down to the floor. As soon as my ass hit the ground one of those things took off full speed straight towards me with a ear splitting cry. I recoiled and covered my face, ready for the sharp, pointy legs to grab hold of me. But before it could I heard a earth shattering SMASH and felt the ground lurch beneath me a little.
I opened my eyes to see that Pete had crushed the bug into a million bloody pieces with a gigantic mallet. Then in one motion he snatched the hammer from the massive crater in the floor and swung for my head. I jumped sideways as the mallet slammed into the wall behind me causing a sharp squeak from the creature it just obliterated.
"Welcome to Thunderdome bitch." He said with his trademark slimy grin before prying his hammer from the wall and continuing on his bug smashing rampage across the main lobby.
By the time I got back to my room the thoughts in my head had plenty of time to swirl into a hurricane of frustration. I snatched open the door and started to yank and pull at my tattered staff shirt. "FIVE YEARS! FIVE FUCKING YEARS IN THAT ROOM WITH THAT WALKING HEADACHE MONSTER and I couldn't even kill a BUG!!" I exclaimed, throwing my staff shirt across the room in anger.
"It takes some time." A voice from behind me said.
"AH JESUS!! Oh... You're here." I said to my room mate who had all but faded from my memory over the last five years. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were in here."
"It's ok Travis. It takes time for the memories from the time in the room to fade and the memories from before to take their place. And you were in there for longer than anyone so I have heard. It may take longer for you, but it will happen. We have all gone through this. I promise." She said.
"Oh boy am I actually glad to see you again." I said to the porcelain white being I shared a room with. I was beginning to remember our talk. It began to feel more like last night again and less like years ago. "So I just have to wait for all that stuff to kick in?" I asked.
"Yes. Before long everything you learned and practiced in the room will come back to you." She answered. I sat down on the bed next to her, resting my head in my hands and running my fingers through my hair as I spoke. "Oh boy oh boy. First day on the job and I'm already five years into the job. Ain't that some shit..." Which caused my room mate to laugh loudly in response.
"Yes, this is a very different place, but I will help you through." She said, taking my hand in hers.
I didn't notice at first, but at that moment was when I realized, hey... she's kinda... pretty. I felt a sharp pain against my temple as the sound of metal clanging on the floor rattled across the small room.
"You left your 1 key in the fun-time room jackass." Sasha the she-beast barked at me from the door before storming off.
"Fuck you very much!" I replied.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" She exclaimed, poking her head back around the corner.
"I... uh, said thank you for bringing the key back. Appreciate it." I stammered.
"Oh leave him alone Sasha. He just spent five years in there." My room mate scolded.
"Hmmm...." The woman shaped ball of attitude mumbled, squinting her eyes at me before retreating back down the hall.
"I... think I'm going to take a shower. I haven't had one in forever. I've been taking sponge baths for the last... No wait, I had one the other day. Or, hold on..." I trailed off, trying to square away whether my last shower was a few years or a few days ago.
"Ah see? It's already happening. Your memory is fixing itself." My room mate said excitedly.
"Yeah... guess so." I replied. "Maybe the shower will help."
"Oh yes! What a good idea! I was just planning to take one as well." She said. "Also my name is Eena."
"Um right, Travis." I said smiling. A smile that faded the instant I remembered the the bath house was... coed. A heat wave washed over me that felt like I just stuck my face in an oven.
It took me several minutes to even start to bathe on account of most of my focus being devoted to keeping my eyes aimed at the floor and off of the nudity that presented itself in an abundance of various, strange forms all over the bath house. You don't even want to know what some of the got. And yeah, for all the nosey little perverts out there, I did sneak a peek at Eena, and I was admittedly somewhat relieved that she's really similar to your average human female. In general appearance that is. I couldn't say for sure if the hardware matched up. Keep it in your pants there sickos.
The next morning as I got dressed for my first "day" on the job I hear a knock on the door. I opened it to the sight of Lezley again.
"You're going to the library today." He chirped.
"What library?..." I yawned in response.
"Oh you'll see." He answered with a smirk. "You're going to be an escort for one of the travelers. All you gotta do is keep them safe and make sure that not a single book leaves that place. Simple enough right?"
"Um, yeah sure." I said, stifling another yawn.
I was then led to an elevator door that was situated not too far from The Manager's office. Waiting in front of the door was a man, based on appearances, but I started getting a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach the second I laid eyes on him. Dressed in all black he wore an old timey flat brim hat and dark glasses with those oldschool round lenses. The hem of his long black coat hovered just over the ground next to his glossy black shoes.
As I got closer I could tell that he was pale as a ghost and slim beneath his clothes. "Hey how you doing?" I said, forcing myself to extend my hand to introduce myself.
"I'm sure the pleasure's all mine." The man said sarcastically, refusing my gesture. The man's acidic voice oozed through the air. I wanted to be mad at the guy but I was too busy being caught up on his voice. It sounded deep and kinda foreign, like if Alan Rickman had a sore throat or something.
"Damn guy, I that's some voice you got there. Bet you could make a killing on audio books." I said before thinking, causing Lezley to slap me on the shoulder.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He snapped.
"Ow shit! My bad..." I replied.
"Either way, you'll be accompanying our guest while he visits the library." He added, pointing towards the door the man stood in front of. "Try to behave."
"You telling me this guy can't find his way around a damn Books a Million?" I asked, agitation now apparent in my tone.
"This ain't no book store buddy. And aside from it making the library at Alexandria look like a Scholastic book fair, not a single book is allowed to leave that place, not ever. The guest can take notes or copy information, but not a single book leaves. Aside from keeping an eye on the guest you're also there to act as a bodyguard in the more isolated regions." Lezley explained. "No. No more talking, he's waited on you and your bullshit long enough." He continued, slapping the only button next to the elevator, which showed a crude image of a book.
The door dinged as it parted and I entered after the strange man. He then reached out and pressed a button identical to the one on the outside, causing the doors to close and the elevator to descend. After about a minute I noticed that the bottom of the elevator began to drop down pass a border of some kind. Turns out the inside doors were glass and once you pass a certain point you can, well... you get to see the library.
And you really need this view to truly appreciate this place. By the time we were able to see through the glass we were what had to be no less than a thousand feet up. The elevator is built into one of the colossal natural stone columns that descended from the ceiling to the ground below. As I looked down on the library I almost fell to my knees. Not from the vertigo like you might expect. No, what almost made me drop was not just the fact that I was looking out into an underground library that seemingly had no end. Not just that, but that I slowly started to notice that the patches of light began to define themselves as we got closer.
They were cities. Small buildings and houses and all kinds of ina... astructure.... Roads and bridges an shit. Entire cities separated from one another by expanses of darkness in a second world of endless night. Pressing my hand against the glass for a better look, I let a single sentence escape my lips.
"Oh my god..." I whispered.
"I remember my first time seeing it." The man spoke from behind me, damn near causing me to piss myself. I forgot he was in there with me and that Dracula voice didn't help.
Once we hit the bottom and stepped out the real shocker hit me. Everything was a library. I mean everything. The sides of the buildings and houses were all shelves covered top to bottom in books of every shape, size, and color. The public benches, book shelves. The bases of statues, books shelves. The god damn trees, BOOK SHELVES! The actual tree trunks grew in the shape of book shelves and where all covered in the damn things. And people, well... when I say people I mean all kinds of people. Like the ones back up top in the hotel people. Anyway, people were just walking around like this is normal. Of course some of them looked like they were made of vapor and some were literally glowing, so take the word normal with a grain of salt.
"This is supposedly the only place were people from all the different clusters can coexist in their natural states." The shady man next to me mentioned. "The rumor even says The Manager had to bind himself to the hotel to make this place. If he ever left I imagine this place would fall into turmoil and chaos almost immediately." The man spoke again. "Now, no time to waste. Long trip ahead of us." He added, pulling a map from his coat and beginning to walk.
We stopped by a small shop first and bought packs and a considerable amount of supplies with a some coins in a small bag Lezley handed me, before we headed into the seemingly endless labyrinth of bookshelves. And when I say bookshelves I mean they are similar to the structures in the town, but more crude. Stone shelves rose from the ground stories high along side more of the mysterious book trees. I even spotted old scrolls and tablets from time to time.
The deeper we traveled the fewer and fewer people we crossed paths with. Occasionally I would see a person appear heading the opposite direction back into town pulling an empty wagon, and seeing as when we left we were accompanied for a short time by several others pulling carts of their own full of books, I assumed that they were workers who's job was to take new additions to the library to their proper place. Once I realized this... the haggard and scarred appearance they all shared brought me no ease at all. Each of them looked more like gladiators than librarians. Some even wearing armor. I even saw one missing a leg that had been replaced with a pro-proseethical? A fake one made of wood carved into the shape of the leg that used to be there.
"Jesus... What the hell goes on in this place?" I asked the man, but got no response.
We walked and walked and walked until we finally settled down and made camp for the... Well not exactly the night because it's always the same and once you reach a certain point the light of the town fades and you're left with just the glow of the few, I guess "natural" lights that grow from the tree trunks, and whatever lightsource you brought with you. Luckily our lamps were bright enough to set our half assed camp by.
The first time we stopped I had the thought to read some of the books that surrounded me, but I couldn't even find one in a language I recognized, never mind one I could read. So that was the only time I attempted that. Turns out the earpiece doesn't work on text... Bumer.
Things started to get weird the second stop. I know "weird" is very relative and subjective in this case, but you get what I'm saying. After we both laid down to sleep I began to hear things. They sounded like chirps at first, like birds in the distance. But as time went on they got closer... and sounded a lot less like chirping. The sounds began to remind me more of someone screaming into a pillow very loudly and at a very high pitch. Now I started to freak out a bit...
My holy-shit-o-meter maxed out when I began to notice the sounds were encircling us. And I could hear scratching as whatever made them crawled over and around and through the bookshelves and trees and across the ground. I crawled over to the man in a panic.
"Hey, HEY! There's something around us in the dark!" I whispered sharply, trying to shake him awake.
"Yes I already know." The man answered, apparently already awake. "Now be still and shut up and they'll leave you alone, or don't, and be dragged screaming and dying into the dark. I really, absolutely could not care less either way." He said, rolling over on his side to face the direction opposite to me.
"Why the fuck would you say that?! You hateful motherf-" I started to say, but one of the muffled shrieks in the distance made me stop. I crawled slowly back to my pallet and wrapped myself in the blanket. I didn't sleep at all.
Once we packed up and began to walk again, against my better judgment, I started asking more questions. And boy did I get answers. Granted I think he was as bored as I was or he likely would have told me to leave him alone.
My first question was obviously what the hell were those things I heard. Short answer, basically alligator sized giant lizard jackal things that can run down a gazelle and change their skin like an octopus. Also they're poisonous. Or... not poisonous, the one where they bite you and you die, not you bite them and you die. That one. And are part of the reason Hotel staff are sent to escort visitors. But all things considered this guy seemed more like he'd eat one of them then the other way around.
Second question was how the hell he even knew about this place. I wasn't really ready for the answer.
"I used to work here. Many, many years ago." He explained. "I used to make those cudgels you're carrying on your hip right now."
"What for real? You're serious?!" I croaked. "How long ago we talkin? Like what year?"
"Oh who's to say?" He pondered. "Let's see... My brother James had just set sail for the states. He was a first mate if I recall. Cornwallace had surrendered not too long before. I remember having to put down my slaves before I left."
"Oh whoa whoa! Did you just say 'my slaves', like you owned people and put them down like animals?!" I barked in disgust.
"Well of course. I worked them pretty hard, and I couldn't sell them off. Nobody wants to pay good money for a worn out negro." He said so casually it made me physically ill.
"You're an appalling son of a bitch aren't you?" I hissed at his back.
"Now now, let's not get off topic." He hummed. "About the time I left I believe the automobile was just coming into fashion. What a delightful uproar they caused. Nobody knew how to drive, no real laws or regulations, people dying in the streets left and right. You should have seen it." He finished with a chuckle.
"How they hell is that even possible? That was like 500 years ago." I asked Mr. Grand Wizard.
"Ah well you see, you don't age while you work at the hotel. One of the perks. You can stay and work there as long as you want and never lose a second of your precious little life." He answered. "As long as that key is in your hand you don't have to worry about dying of old age."
"But that still don't explain how you're still here walking around. I mean you look old but you'd basically be a mummy by now." I stated. Not fully registering that someone just told me I was basically Highlander.
"And normally that would be absolutely correct and possibly the smartest thing you've said since we met. However this is not my first pilgrimage through this place." He said, motioning his hand to our surroundings. "I've spent an ample amout of time in this place learning little known secrets of the universe. Longevity being one of many. Anything I can to separate myself as far and completely as possible from the human condition."
"Jeez guy, most people just get some tattoos and some crazy piercings or something." I mumbled. "So what's your shady ass doing down here this time?"
"Minding my own business." He said in an unnervingly sudden threatening tone.
After several days of mindless wandering with the constant sound of those jackalgator things following us the whole way, we finally came to another village.
"Ahhh, finally." The man sighed in relief.
"Is this where we're looking for?" I asked.
"Indeed it is. This particular town is called Collector's Canyon. Many of the inhabitants here run small shops where they collect very specific, top quality books from around the library and sell the opportunity to read them for a very steep price. Each shop usually deals in books of a specific subject. One shop might offer you a scientific breakthrough that could change the world, or another one might be where you can read the most terrifying horror stories ever written, or perhaps the single greatest mystery novel in hundreds of dimensions." He explained.
"Why so expensive though? There's books out the ass in this place." I asked.
"Yes that's exactly why the service exists at all. Billions and billions of books and no means of categorization? There's no way for the average person to find what they're looking for in several lifetimes. These are professionals with closely guarded trade secrets on how to search for the very best books." He answered. "Now we are looking for a particular shop, which according to this map is... this way."
"Hey, why is it called Collector's Canyon if there's no-" I began to ask, but I was answered before I could finish. After walking past a few small houses I was now looking out into a massive crack in the earth. I remember going to the Grand Canyon as a kid and let me tell you... You could fit several of them in this thing. And what's more, from the canyon walls there were what looked like sideways stalactites that jutted out far into the air. The were almost the size of skyscrapers, but even more amazing was they looked like they were hollowed out, little specs of light shinning through what looked like windows.
It took the man bumping into my shoulder as he walked by to bring me back to my senses. Following behind I asked in astonishment, "Yo. YO are you seeing this?!"
"Hm? Oh yes yes, very amazing." He murmured to himself as he checked the map once again. "We need to make our way to the bottom." My Bond villain of a ward directed.
After some time we finally reached the bottom and worked our way through to a small corner of the canyon wall. There we found a small shack of a shop situated just benieth the base of where one of those sideways stalactite things met the wall.
I read the shop's sign...
"Curses: Mythology and Science, Theory and Application"

does the bible allow gambling video

The Bible, Gambling and Fundraisers As you know, some churches use bingo and lotteries as a means of raising money for charitable purposes. Yet, many conservative Christians frown upon gambling of any kind, be it lotteries, slot machines, horse/dog racing, the Irish sweepstakes, roulette wheels, poker, bridge, or flipping a coin. Answer: The Bible does not specifically condemn gambling, betting, or the lottery. The Bible does warn us, however, to stay away from the love of money (1 Timothy 6:10; Hebrews 13:5). The Bible does warn us, however, to stay away from the love of money (1 Timothy 6:10; Hebrews 13:5). Re: Roulette While the Talmud gives specific examples of the forms of gambling that were prevalent in those days, the Talmud refers to all forms (and actually does mention dice). The author was careful to write that the rabbis take "a dim view" about gambling, instead of writing outright that it is forbidden, since there are some instances were ... However, in the case of gambling, a person is taking chances with hard-earned money. Mr. Graham has said: “Gambling is nowhere approved in the Bible. Instead, the Bible stresses that the Christian should earn his living by honest work and effort, and this would exclude relying on chance (2 Thessalonians 3:10-12). What does the Bible say about gambling? Is gambling a sin according to Scripture? "But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many ... Even though the Bible does not directly address gambling, we can derive a number of principles from Scripture. First, gambling breeds a form of covetousness. The Tenth Commandment admonishes us not to covet. Coveting, greed, and selfishness are the base emotions that entice us to gamble. Jack Zavada. Updated April 03, 2019. Surprisingly, the Bible contains no specific command to avoid gambling. However, the Bible does contain timeless principles for living a life pleasing to God and is filled with wisdom to deal with every situation, including gambling. The Bible doesn't directly address gambling and such silence provides the fertile ground for discussion and disagreement. Opinions on the propriety of gambling range from acceptance in moderation... Gambling or "gaming" for stakes is becoming increasingly popular. A person can bet by lottery, casino, poker, slot machines, raffles, office pools, sports wagers, or online betting. But is gambling moral or immoral according to the Bible? Should a Christian gamble? What does the Bible say? What about gambling addiction? Answer: Although the words "gambling" or "lottery" are not in the King James Version Bible, numerous verses denounce the attitudes that are behind them. They include idol worship and greed, which are the foundations that encourage this kind of behavior. People often indulge in gambling, be it playing the lottery or going to a casino, because they ...

What Does the Bible Say About Gambling? Is it a Sin?

does the bible allow gambling

does the bible allow gambling - win