Play Croco Casino No Deposit Bonus Codes

AS OF NOW I WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATING THIS GUIDE
I’ll start by going in order of missions and adding extras as needed by editing the TBA (to be added) as soon as I can review the information
Leave any information you can in the comments fill in and I’ll add it in when I can
——The Scope Out——
Difficulty: Very Easy
Time: About 10 minutes
Description: the player must scope out as many points of interest if the can for the most options
Miscellaneous:
Vallet Security guard Purple keypad Inside (dome) camera Outside (box) camera Vault Blueprints (in mrs bakers office)(requires casino penthouse, or a friend with said penthouse)
Access points:
Ground (3)
Main entrance (west) Waste disposal (north) Staff lobby (east)
Roof terrace (4)
2 doors on the north side 2 doors on the east side
Roof (2)
North helipad South helipad
Underground (2)
Security tunnel (under dirt track) Sewer (the drainage ditch by the casino, there’s an entrance at the beginning of it, head down until you see some metal bars that would lead under the casino)
-important notes-
Once you have discovered every point of interest available in this setup, you won’t be able to do this setup for other heist because all poi’s are now permanently unlocked
——Vault contents ——
Difficulty: Very Easy
Time: about 5 minutes
Description: You are trying to find your target, the valuables you’ll be stealing during the heist To start this setup, you hack a guards phone to get into the casino’s system and then enter the casino to walk around and find a strong enough signal for Lester to hack into the cameras BE SURE YOU FULLY ROTATE ALL 6 CAMERAS TO THE TO UNLOCK THE REST OF THE POI’S, if already unlocked all poi’s just skip to the vault camera.
When scouting out the target it is completely random chance what you will be stealing from the casino
Cash is the basic takes and take a while to grab, but it can still pay about 2.1million Normal and 2.4million Hard total (minus crew cuts)
Paintings have better value and are the quickest to grab, to get them you must cut out the paintings but again this is really fast so you might be able to get a cheaper hacker or spend the extra time grabbing lock boxes, with this take you can make about ??million Normal and 2.7million Hard (minus crew cuts)
Gold has great value, it takes time to grab just like cash but is also a lot heavier, this means you can no longer jump but the reward is worth it because it can pay about ??million Normal and 2.8million Hard (minus crew cuts)
There’s also a glitch to get a lot more gold off one tray so abuse it before it gets patched
Diamonds have the greatest value and have just been officially added to the loot pool, you grab trays of diamonds like you would cash or gold and they are worth about ??million Normal and ??million Hard (minus crew cuts)
———Crew members and Characters———
These are free mode missions and secrets that can affect the casino heist by giving access to new characters and crew
There is also the standard crew for comparison
——Optional Characters——
Yung Ancestor
Difficulty: Very Easy
Time: 2 minutes
Effect: adds another route to “The Big Con” Description: Head to the casino and go up to the roof terrace to enter a cutscene with the celebrity, afterwards Lester will contact him to ask if he would like to be involved with the job, a few minutes later you will get a call from Yung Ancestor saying he will help but needs a few favors to trust you
Find the rest of this missions details at the “Setups” section
——Hackers——
—Rickie Lukens—
Cut: 3%
Skill: Poor
Requirements: None
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: about 1 minute 30 seconds
Notes: Please do not even consider using rickie
—Yohan Blair—
Cut: 5%
Skill: Good
Requirements: None
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: TBA
—Christian Feltz—
Cut: 7%
Skill: Good
Requirements: None
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: Use this character if you don’t have access to the next two
—Paige (Unlockable)—
Cut: 9%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: own a terrorbyte
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: this is the best character to use since she is slightly cheaper then Avi
—Avi (Unlockable)—
Cut: 10%
Skill: Expert +
Requirements: “Destroy Signal Jammers” Free mode mission
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 20-40 minutes
Description: destroy all 50 signal jammers hidden across San Andreas for money and Avi’s services (guides available on YouTube)
Vault time when undetected: TBA
Vault time when detected: TBA
Notes: This character is great but if you have Paige use her since she’s slightly cheaper, the difference in time is minuscule
——Drivers——
(Unknown: unlockable) TBA this character has not been found yet
—Karim—
Cut: 5%
Skill: TBA
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection:
Sentinel Classic (best choice)
Weeni Issi Classic
Asbo (worst choice)
Kanjo
Notes: This driver is the best to pick, they always leave the cars as close to the staff lobby as they can
—TBA—
Cut: TBA
Skill: TBA
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection: TBA
Notes: TBA
—TBA—
Cut: TBA
Skill: TBA
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection: TBA
Notes: TBA
—Chester McCoy—
Cut: 10%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: None
Vehicle selection:
Vagrant
Everon
Zhaba
Outlaw
Notes: TBA
——Gunners——
—Karl Abolaji—
Cut: 5%
Skill: Poor
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
TBA
Smg and molotovs (aggressive)
Micro smg (Big Con)
Double barrel shotgun (Big Con)
Notes: TBA
—Charlie Reed—
Cut: 7%
Skill: Good
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
TBA
Machine Pistol (Big Con)
Sweeper Shotgun (Big Con)
Notes: TBA
—Patrick “Packie” McReary (unlockable)—
Cut: 8%
Skill: Expert
Weapon selection:
TBA
Compact rifle (Big con)
Sawed off shotgun (Big con)
Combat MG MKII (Aggressive)
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: Random Chance
Requirements: “Rescue Patrick” Free mode mission
Description: find a police van blaring it’s siren driving around Los Santos and Blaine county, when close enough a blue arrow will appear over the van and a blue dot will show up on your map indicating the vans location, by getting even closer Packie will ask you to help him and another person to “give us a hand?” The implication here is he wants you to steal the van and drive it
the way to go about this is just to shoot the van enough and it will eventually stop, allowing you to steal it and bring it to Packie’s safe house at Vespucci beach,
Notes: there is a 5 minute time limit that begins when you enter the van
Packie has the best weapon selection in aggressive but this does not outweigh how much he cost this is player choice
—Gustavo Mota—
Cut: 9%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
Carbine rifle (Big Con)
Assault shotgun (Big Con)
Notes: TBA
—Chester McCoy—
Cut: 10%
Skill: Expert
Requirements: None
Weapon selection:
TBA
SMG MKII (Big Con)
Bullpup Rifle MKII (Big Con)
Notes: not recommended because of cost
——Approaches——
It’s recommended to have 3 or 4 players for the best take
—SILENT AND SNEAKY—
Stealth difficulty: Hard
Loud Difficulty: Medium-Hard
Time: 15-20 minutes (minus restarts)
Description: Silent and sneaky is one of the stealth approaches, you go inside with tactical gear, night vision, suppressed weapons, tasers, and an emp bomb (if the setup is complete) that the host can activate (explained below) This hiest allows you to slip in undetected and you can still slip out undetected.
-Things to note-
When you enter the vault you will have a certain amount of time depending on your hacker and whether or not you are detected by the time you arrive to the vault, if you fail to leave the vault before the timer hits “0” gas will fill the vault and the alarm will trigger
Guards will be alerted to the following: seeing you, shooting a guard without a headshot (they yell), killing a guard next to another, a dead body, a bullet flying past them, a bullet hitting a wall, a guard watching you destroy a camera, and hearing unsuppressed gunfire
The casino will raise the alarm for the following: a guard being alerted, a camera spotting you, a camera spotting a dead body destroying more then one camera, and not leaving the vault before the clock hits “0”
Guards are oblivious to the following: getting a headshot or stealth melee even if the guard yells, destroyed cameras, the sound of broken glass, and the sight of broken glass
You can disable cameras with the taser, but they will come back online, you can also shoot and destroy one camera but destroy any more and the alarm will sound
If the host completed the EMP setup, they will have access to a phone app named “Detonate EMP” this will set off the EMP of course knocking out all electricity for about 1-2 minutes, this includes: cameras, locked doors, elevators, and lights (this will make guards have a really small cone of vision)
-Important notes-
Triggering the EMP does not raise the alarm (credit goes to u/Aleapp2556 for discovering this)
Not breaking stealth until outside will give an award
You can restart the heist at anytime by running out of lives
-Best plan of attack-
Enter the south helipad
Exit the staff lobby
High level buyer
Decoy driver (optional, lowers how many stars you have)
-Steps-
Enter the cargobob
Parachute to the casino
Rappel down the elevator shaft
(You are now in the staff lobby)
Take out everyone quietly
Proceed to elevator
(You are now at vault security)
Take out the remaining guards quietly
Enter the mantrap
Drill open the vault
(You are now in the vault and the timer has started)
Grab as much loot as possible, Dedicate one person to hacking
Leave before the timer ends
Exit the mantrap
Take the elevator or stairs up
(Alarm is now raised, but you are still undetected)
Take out the remaining guards and exit through the staff lobby
Get in the getaway car
Race to Paleto Bay
Escape the cops
Finish the heist
-Overall-
the hiest is slow and very difficult so this may not be the best option for grinding
—AGGRESSIVE—
Difficulty: Medium
Time: 8-11 minutes (minus restarts)
Aggressive is loud and violent, you shoot your way to the vault, blow it open, melt open the gates and steal the loot
-Things to note-
This heist is extremely fast compared to the other two approaches, it can be and has been done in under 9 minutes with high level buyers
there are no drills or hack in the vault itself, just explosives and thermal charges
You can restart the heist at anytime by running out of lives
-Best plan of attack-
Enter sewer(you blow a hole right into the security-room just before the mantrap leading to the vault)
Exit staff lobby
High level buyers
Gunner decoy (optional, but lowers your stars)
-Steps-
Blow into the vault security room from the sewers
(You are now in the vault security room)
Enter the man trap
Blow open the vault
(You are now in the vault)
Set off a thermal before you start grabbing and try to just get everything you can
Exit the vault
Exit the mantrap
Go to the staff lobby via elevator
Exit staff lobby
(At this point stealth no longer matters)
Enter getaway cars
Race to paleto bay
Escape police
Finish heist
-Overall-
this heist is fast and effective and I recommend cycling between both this and the big con
—THE BIG CON—
Stealth Difficulty: Easy or Medium-Hard (depends on route)
Loud difficultly: Hard
Time: 10-13 minutes (minus restarts)
The Big Con is the another stealth approach, but it’s less stealth and more lies and deceit, you use disguises to get your way into the casino with all your tools and equipment needed for the job
-Important things to note-
You only have a ceramic pistol unless you pick up your stashed weapons, but if you pick up those weapons you can no longer pass through metal detectors
Your weapons are not suppressed
Gruppe sechs can get inside the vault no problem
You unlock the ceramic pistol after you are done HOSTING The Big Con
Not breaking disguise until outside will give an award
You can restart the heist at anytime by running out of lives
-Best plan of attack-
Enter Gruppe sechs disguises
Exit noose disguises
Enter security tunnel
Exit staff lobby
High level buyer
Gunner decoy (lowers stars, only helpful if you are actually caught)
-steps-
Enter the security tunnel as gruppe sechs
Park the van
Get into the elevator
(You are now in the vault security room)
Walk on by the guards
Enter the man trap
A lone guard lets you into the vault, you knock him out
(You are now in the vault)
Grab the loot, mind the hacking, one mess up and the alarm goes off
Exit the vault
exit the mantrap
Take the stairs
(Alarm is raised but no one knows where you are)
Take the route to the laundry room
Change outfits
Exit staff lobby NOT MAIN ENTRANCE
(At this point stealth no longer matters)
Get to getaway vehicles
Race to paleto bay
Escape cops
Finish heist
-Overall-
this heist is very clean and quick if you do it right, id recommend doing this and aggressive if you really want to grind it
——About undetected——
When you sneak into the vault undetected you gain bonus time to grab even more loot then you would if the alarm was raised, failure to leave the vault before the gas is released will raise the alarm;
but you still received the bonus time to grab the loot anyhow, so it’s all up to you to either get the extra few lootables or make a clean getaway
——Hard Mode——
Hard mode (just like in normal heist) gives bigger cut with less lives, but this also buffs the security of the place
The way you access hard mode is by playing through a heist (we’ll say aggressive) and then the next (the big con), after playing aggressive it will become locked and unplayable so you have to pick another approach like big con, after that heist is done aggressive will unlock but it will still be “too hot” this is hard mode and will give a bigger cut for a harder heist that’s why it’s best to cycle between both aggressive and big con
——Heist crew——
For the best take each time you need to select the perfect members for the job
-Gunner-
Cheapest gunner all the way avoid shotguns
-Drivers-
If you want more money chose the cheapest driver and pick the sentinel classic, but if you want the trade prices for all the new vehicles you’ll need to use them during a heist
-Hacker-
Now unlike the other two, an expensive hacker is necessary for this job, this person will provide you with more time in the vault, this is where Paige and Avi come in handy
——Setups——
Setups are needed to find the materials necessary to pull off this job, some are mandatory and you cannot start the job with out them, some are optional and can be avoided but also can be the difference between dealing with a few enemies or a few mini-juggernauts
-Weapons-  Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5-8 minutes
Description: The player needs to steal untraceable weapons for the job, a pistol, a main weapon, and a piece of equipment depending on the approach
-Getaway vehicles-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 3-8 minutes
Description: The player needs to steal 2 vehicles that have just been imported into the US and bring them back to the arcade, if the cars are badly damaged you will have to pay a small fee to repair then on delivery
Important notes
The vehicles can be upgraded with
Level 1: bulletproof tires 10k (recommended)
Level 2: max brakes and transmission and level 1 upgrades 15k
Level 3: turbo and max engine plus level 1&2 upgrades 25k
-Hacking device-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5 minutes
Description: the player(s) go to a location being investigated by the FIB, the player(s) need to kill the FIB agents
Important notes
You can be in a guards vision but not for too long
Once you have the device and take the elevator down the guards will begin to shoot you
-Vault key cards-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 3-7 minutes
Description: the player(s) need to go to 2 separate locations and knock out or kill two security guards on their time off to steal their key cards
-Patrol routes-
Need: Optional
Usefulness for Sneaky and Silent: Needed
Usefulness for Aggressive: not necessary
Usefulness for The Big Con: Helpful
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 2-5 minutes
Description: the player(s) need to go to a parking lot where security guards have gathered, the player(s) will be looking for a car with a certain license plate that Lester will send, Once the player(s) find the car, they will need to open the trunk, take a picture, and send it to Lester
Important notes
This mission can be done by stealth
The car is always a black or light brown Falon GT convertible
-Dugan shipments-
Need: Optional
Usefulness for all heist: Absolutely Required
Difficulty: Medium
Time: less then 10 minutes
Description: The player(s) go around all of San Andreas to destroy 10 security shipments for the casino’s guards (this includes vans, boats, and helicopters)
Effect: for every couple of shipment destroyed, the guards armor will become weaker
No shipments destroy: every guard will have the health of a Cliffford Cyborg juggernaut
7 shipments destroyed: Health of a NOOSE squad member
10 shipments destroyed: Heath of a cop with body armor (3 Star wanted level officer)
Important notes
It is recommended to have 2 players in weaponized vehicles to destroy all the shipments
-Security Intel-
Need: Optional
Usefulness for Sneaky and Silent: Needed
Usefulness for Aggressive: not necessary
Usefulness for The Big Con: Helpful
Difficulty: N/A
Time: N/A
Description: The player needs to own a casino penthouse and do all casino missions for mrs baker
Effect: allows players to know the locations and vision of all cameras in the casino
Important notes
Once this setup is completed once it will be completed permanently
-Power drills-
Need: optional
Usefulness for all heist: Player’s choice but not necessary
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5-8 minutes
Description: the player must steal power drills from a construction site by stealing a van and delivering it to the arcade
Effect: Gives the ability to drill open safety deposit boxes for a little bonus money (does not outweigh the main target in value)
Important notes
These missions can be completed by using non lethal tactics
-Security key cards-
Need: optional
Usefulness for all heist: absolutely required
Difficulty: Easy
Time: 5-8 minutes
Description: the player must steal a security key card from a casino staff member
Effect Card Level 1: has the ability to give you access to few doors and access points, but nothing else in the higher security areas, those points will need to be hacked
Effect Card Level 2: gives player full access to all casino doors and elevators other then those in the vault
(A level 2 keycard is highly recommend and should be used in every single heist)
——Approach specific setups——
Some setups are specific to certain approaches and can be mandatory or optional
—Silent and Sneaky Setups—
-Vault Laser Drills-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: TBA
Time: TBA
Description: the player(s) need to steal 2 military grade laser drills to drill open the vault door
-TBA-
-TBA-
-EMP-
Need: optional
Usefulness: helpful
The player uses a cargo bob to carefully steal a EMP bomb and deliver it to the power station just across the road from the casino
Effect: give the host the ability to call the EMP to detonate it, this will shut down all electronics and lights for 1-2minutes, this mean cameras, locked doors, and metal detectors will be shut off during this time, and since the lights are off the guards have limited visibility, about 1 foot of vision in front of them
Important notes
Triggering the EMP does not raise the alarm (credit goes to u/Aleapp2556 for discovering this)
—Aggressive Setups—
-Vault explosives-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: 8-18 minutes
Description: the player(s) must travel to a part of the ocean to steal explosives from an underwater mining operation to blow open the vault door
-Thermal Charges-
Need: Mandatory
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: 8-16 minutes
Description: the player(s) must steal thermal charges to melt open the gates inside the vault
-Reinforced armor-
Need: Optional
Usefulness: helpful
Difficulty: Easy-Medium
Time: TBA
Description: The player(s) steals a few sets of experimental armor from a faction to use in the heist as an option of clothing
Effect: unlocks the armor set to be used during the casino heist, the armor is like hiest heavy combat armor when used during the casino heist giving the players more Health but less Speed
-Boaring machine-
Need: Optional
Usefulness: TBA
Difficulty: Easy
Time: TBA
Description: The player steals a drilling machine from a driver hauling the machine
Effect: TBA
—The Big Con Setups—
-Drills-
-Disguises-
-TBA-
——Phase 1 equipment——
On the phase 1 planning board you can buy equipment for finding points of interest or practice on mini-game type puzzle you need to complete while going to or when you reach the vault, you can buy equipment such as:
a model of the casino for $130,000 (Which shows points of interest)
A replica of the casinos security system for $425,000 (for practice with hacking)
And a replica vault door for $900,000 (for practice with drilling)
By taking photos of the security system and vault blueprints in the casino you unlock the option to buy the security system and vault door for practice
Once the equipment is purchased, it will stay permanently in your arcades basement
In order to practice you will need the vault drills (explosives do not count) and/or the hacking device
These items will need to be sourced each time you start a new heist if you wish to practice
My personal recommendation is to avoid this equipment as it’s price greatly outweighs its purpose, since everything can be learn relatively easy during the actual run
——Hacking——
Here’s a quick guide on the hacking during the casino heist
First it should be noted that failing or aborting a hack while undetected will trigger the alarm
There are two types of hacking
Hack 1: Memory
A 6x6 panel of dots will randomize in a pattern of 6 dots going left to right, the player’s job is to memorize this pattern and recreate it to pass the hack, they player may need to do this several times
These hacks have been found really difficult and can be skipped entirely by having a level 2 keycard
Hack 2: finger print
The player is presented with a full image of a finger print and 8 fragmented images of a finger print, all the player must do is select 4 of the 8 fragments that match the full finger print and run the scan
This isn’t as hard as the memory hack, but this can waste time, so be quick but be sure in your decision
A tip for this is to go ahead and match the obvious ones and then study the smaller details of a fragment to try to find it on the full image
——Bugs, Exploits, and other Glitches——
PATCHED If the player leaves the session before finishing “Vault contents” the player can replay the setup for a chance at a better target such as paintings and gold instead of cash
During the heist, a police maverick will spawn on the roof of a nearby police station, the players can grab it before it takes off, but once it’s gone from the helipad it won’t respawn during the same heist even after a quick restart
PATCHED The player can duplicate the gold bar on a tray by leaving a single bar and leaving the tray, start collecting the tray again to spawn a new set of bars

Continuing
“Hey, Viv!”, I say, as we’re all being shuttled onto the bus which will take us to our hotel, “Toss me one of those miniatures, if you please. Yeah. Of course, Vodka’ll do. It’s bloody dusty round these parts.”
Viv chuckles and asks if anyone else wants anything. He’s a consummate scrounger and somehow sweet-talked a demure and pulchritudinous female Air China cabin attendant out of her phone number, Email address, and a case of 100 airline liquor miniatures.
That he looks like a marginally graying version of Robert Mitchum in his heyday and speaks fluent Dutch, French, and Italian might explain his success. I mean, a guy with four ex-wives can’t be all wrong, right?
He’s a definite outlier in this crowd. We could be characterized as a batch of aging natural geoscientists who collectively, sans Viv, add up to an approximate eight on the “Looker” scale. Besides the years, the mileage, the climatic, and industrial ravages, it’s a good thing we all have expansive personalities, as most of us are dreadful enough to make a buzzard barf.
But, save for Viv, no one presently here is on the make. Oh, sure; we’ll all sweet talk some fair nubile into a free drink or a double when we really ordered a regular drink, but we’re all married, most terminally, that is, over 35 years and counting. The odd thing is that save and except for Viv, none of us married folk had ever been divorced.
That is strange, considering that the global divorce rate hovers around 50%, and we are often called to be apart from kith and kin for prolonged periods. However, we are always faithful and committed to our marital units and those vows we spoke all those many long decades ago.
But, hey, we’re all seriously male and not anywhere near dead; and there’s no penalty for just looking, right?
Continuing.
We’re all loaded on a pre-war, not certain which war, by the way, bus which stank of fish, kimchee, and diesel fuel. We really don’t care even a tiny, iotic amount. It’s free transport, we’re tired of traveling, and not keen on walking any further than we absolutely have to.
Viv has been passing out boozy little liquor miniatures, and I’ve been handing out cigars since I bought a metric shitload back in Dubai Duty-Free and somehow got them all through customs.
We didn’t light up, as there was neither a driver nor handler present. So, we figured we’d all just wait on the cigars, and concentrate on having a little ground-level “Welcome to Best Korea” party until the powers that be got their collective shit together and provided drivers, herders, and handlers.
We sat there for 15 long minutes. Being the international ambassadors of amity and insobriety, we started making noises like “Hey! Where’s our fucking driver?” and “I am Doctor Academician! Of All State Russian Geological Survey! How dare you make me wait? ”
Suddenly, a couple of characters in ill-fitting gray suits and fake Rays Bans are outside the bus having a collective meltdown. Somehow, someone fucked up and put us on a ‘regular’ bus and not the ‘VIP’ bus. In other words, we got to see what the locals really got to ride around Pyongyang on instead of our supposed to be impressed by the bus that wasn’t there; but was now just arriving.
A spanking new purple-and-chrome Mercedes long-haul bus shows up. It even has our group name emblazoned above the placard that normally tells where the bus is headed or who it is for: “’국제 석유 지질 과학 연합’ [Gugje Seog-yu Jijil Gwahag Yeonhab] or ‘International Union of Petroleum Geological Sciences’”.
We are brusquely ordered off our present bus and into the opulent, obviously bespoke, bright yellow faux-leather interior Mercedes-Benz Tourismo RH M. It’s so new and so obviously a ploy to get us to think that all things here are so new and opulent, it even smells of that new car, ah, bus, aroma.
“Well, we’ll take care of that soon enough”, I muse, as the bus is equipped with ashtrays and we’re going on the scenic route to our hotel, which is only 25 or so kilometers from the airport. However, it was announced that it’ll take us about 2 hours to get to our hotel since we need to see the city in its best light and get a feeling for the town if we should ever find ourselves lost and alone.
We all know what’s going on. They’re getting our rooms ‘ready’ for our arrival and need some extra time to make sure everything’s all wired in and transmitting properly.
“Guys”, I muse to our new handlers, “I’ve been to the Soviet Union, pre-wall fall. I stayed in places where I was definitely among the first westerners ever to grace their porticos. We’re a busload of natural scientists, of eight different nationalities, covering the economic spectrum from staunch capitalism to sociable socialism to hard-core communism. You even think for a second we’re going to spill any beans about anything you’d find interesting or useful? Think again.”
In fact, it would become a running joke between us all to see what sort of fake bombshells we could drop into the normal conversation what would give the listener’s the greatest case of the jibblies.
But for now, our bags were all loaded into the cargo compartment of this very, very nice, I must admit, mode of conveyance. Our handlers: ‘Yuk’, ‘No’, ‘Man’, and ‘Kong’, are all seated upfront and please with their latest tally of bodies. We have a couple of shady fellow travelers with the knock-off Ray-Bans and shiny gray suits that just appeared out of the woodwork in the back, seated by the loo, watching over all of us, and we’re going on a fucking city tour, whether we like it or not.
We’re all present and accounted for. Let’s keep our camera in our bags for the time being as the drinking and smoking lights had just been lit as the bus fired up its new German-engineered and machined precision diesel engine.
The bus rumbled to life and after a moment or two of checking that all dials, gauges, and indicators were where they were supposed to be; without so much as a cursory glance, we pulled out into traffic.
Except there was none.
Not another bus, pushbike, tap-tap, scooter, car, truck, hover-board, or motorcycle in sight.
Nothing.
Seems we were a big deal. They shut down the main drag so we wouldn’t be encumbered by such proletariat things like traffic jams or people-things cluttering the roadway, clambering for a look at the Western scientific cadre.
So, away we whizzed, sans traffic and into the very belly of the beast, and onward; eventually, towards our hotel.
Our handlers were very kind to point out passing scenes of interest.
“Look, look! There’s the Potong River. Notice all the lovely birds, ‘eh what? See the Norwegian Blue? Beautiful plumage!”
“See here, look. Here’s the Taedong River. Many forms of fish in the river. Maybe we’ll see some fishermen. If you like, we can stop, and ask them about today’s catch.”
We all declined, as we were certain that the fish the ‘random fisherman’ we’d talk to was flown in fresh from elsewhere earlier in the day.
Besides, we were comfortable. We had our drinks, our cigars, and we were leaving the driving to someone else.
After being driven around the city and seeing all the wonderful monuments, like the faux Arch of Triumph, which looks exactly unlike its namesake Arc de Triomphe de l'Étoile in Paris.
The Arch of Reunification, a monument to the goal of a reunified Korea, which, by necessity, is unfinished. Then there’s the Tomb of King Tongmyŏng, where people are lining up, just dying’ to get in.
Finally, we all called for our hotel, the Yanggakdo, after yet another mausoleum, the Kumsusan Memorial Palace of the Sun.
Arches or tombs. Such a stunning array of monuments and places of less than moderate interest.
We were interested in Mirae Scientists street (Future Scientists street). It is a street in a newly developed area in Pyongyang to house scientific institutions of the Kim Chaek University of Technology and its employees. But we were told that it was too late, there was not much there to see, we needed to express written permission to visit, and we’d be going there tomorrow or next week.
We wheel into the parking lot of the Yanggakdo Hotel and are immediately unimpressed by the pseudo-Baroque concrete fiasco that appears to stand, wobbly, before us. It’s a page right out of the Soviet Construction-For-The-Masses Handbook. A cold, gray concrete edifice with multitudes of seemingly little, tiny windows. A perfect metaphor for our travels thus far; look at the expansiveness of Best Korean wonders, through this pinhole.
However, we judged too soon. We were told to go inside and check-in, whilst our luggage would be de-bussed for us and handled by the expertly efficient hotel staff. The lobby was opulent, tastefully laid out in earth tones of facades of veneers of marble, granite, some garnet-mica schist, if my hand lens doesn’t lie, some Prepaleozoic anatectic migmatite, displaying intricate and intense plication, xenoliths, and graphic delineation of minerals by segregation through melting points. There was a gigantic well-appointed and well kept up aquarium, complete with snuffling sharks and nuclear-submarine sized groupers.
Very handsome indeed. Impressions increasing slightly.
Then we see that there’s a bloody casino on the bottom floor of the hotel, several bars interspersed throughout the hotel, and karaoke, of which I’m not terribly fond, but some of my European counterparts almost swooned at the prospect. There are a large pool and weight rooms/gymnasia, saunas and places to relax outside of one’s room, but still under the watchful eye of the thousands of ill-concealed video cameras at every turn.
“Covert surveillance” may be a thing in Best Korea, but it’s a practice still leaves a lot to be desired. The Eastern Siberian Russians back before the wall fell were more covert with their obvious button audio microphones woven into the fabric covering the headboard of your Intourist bed than the Best Koreans here. Their cameras were ‘disguised’ as flower arrangements, overhead lights, and speakers inexplicably placed into things like standing ashtrays, refuse bins, and randomly placed holes in the wall.
The floors were all covered with exquisite what looked to be hand-woven rugs of most vibrant crimson and gold; the usual Communistic colors. Always with some sort of floral pattern or pattern that’s supposed to be reflective of nature, as I was told. Evidently, for workers to remember what nature was as they don’t get out much with 14 to 16 hours workdays here in the Worker’s Paradise.
Enough of the travelogue; we all wander up to the front desk, and each with their own passport in hand, request our reserved rooms. We supposed that we would all have rooms on different floors as the reservations were made, expired, re-made, juggled, rebooked, allowed to expire, re-jiggered, and finally formalized a scant week before we left the UK.
Nope. No such luck. We were all on the 39th floor. The place boasts 47 floors, of which, the top floor is a revolving restaurant. Evidently, food tastes better when you’re rotating.
However, it won’t spin unless you first buy a drink.
We had that thing whirling like a NASA centrifuge after its discovery the second night.
Yeah, all 12 of us are bivouacked on the 39th floor. A floor with approximately 30 rooms.
I guess we could have played “Room Roulette” and see who got which room and who’s luggage. Or we could switch every day or two to drive our handlers nuts. Or, we could just take our assigned rooms, which were conveniently located one empty room apart.
Meaning, no one had adjoining rooms. Why? Fuck if I know. We didn’t spend much time in our rooms, and that time was either sleeping or showering. We’d all meet at the bar, casino, restaurant, karaoke, bowling alley (all three lanes) or actual meeting rooms every once in a while when we thought we should get together and compare notes. It was the most inexplicable situation.
Plus, we spent an inordinate amount of time waiting on the fucking elevators to take us to our room. These elevators, and if you think you’re going to get a batch of aging senior scientists to schlep it up 39 floor’s worth of stairs, think again; are the slowest elevators in the civilized world. And that was the consensus of scientists representing not only Europe and North America, but Russia as well. 15-25 minutes added to each journey, up or down; stopping on every floor, except 5, on the way down..
Jesus Q. Fuck, dudes. If you can’t construct a bleedin’ elevator that works better than those at the Sozvezdie Medveditsy Guest House in Lesosibirsk, Eastern Siberia; then I suggest you seriously rethink your plans for world domination and new world order.
Grako and Erwin once, while waiting for the fucking elevator, figured out that we were earning some US$25 each just to wait for the lift to arrive and take us to our rooms. Every day. Sometimes several times per day.
With that, we all agreed to toss our “waiting time” funds into a kitty and on our last day of captivity here, blow it all in the hotel casino. Whatever became of that would be donated to the Koreans we thought most deserving of our largesse.
Would it be our handlers? How about the Korean Scientists we’d be meeting? The affable and most accommodating concierge? Or that plucky little Korean charwoman who was always on our floor and kept everything spotless, right down to our freshly laundered and pressed field clothes and newly polished field boots; done without our requesting or knowledge?
Only time would tell.
It could be a fortune or it could be bupkiss. Just like our expectations of the Heavenly Kingdom where we were currently sequestered.
As it was, with our official protestations, they kept only photocopies of our passports as we roundly refused and threatened a full-scale karaoke battle right here in the lobby if they didn’t relinquish our passports immediately. I had broken out my nastiest cigar and was primed to offend.
With that, we all had our keys and trooped over to the elevators for our first, of many, inexplicable waits. We made many uncharitable and potentially nasty remarks about the Anti-Western posters that made up some of the wall décor. Once we finally made it to our floor, we all fanned out to find our rooms. Viv found his first and was quite pleased to report to the rest of us that there was a “Welcome” basket in his room.
We all hoped that we would be receiving one a well.
I was in room 3914; which I considered a close call, but later only wondered as there was no 3913. Upon entering, I saw it was 1980s Hotel 6 opulent, but with an excellent over-city view. True it was late, dark, and the city was only somewhat lit up; I was looking forward to the view of the town in full daylight.
The room had a ‘king’ bed; that is if the king in question was Tutankhamen, the stubby, Egyptian boy king. The bed had no mattress pad and no box spring but it was hard enough for my liking. Many of my compatriots didn’t agree and complained bitterly. They eventually received thin mattress pads for all their kvetching.
There was an ancient Japanese color television, which only had 2 English language channels - Al Jazeera and the BBC, which was on a dated news loop. Watching the local channel is amusing though; the ads for ‘personal enhancements’ were hilarious, even without understanding a word of the language.
There were a couple of chairs and a low table, built-in dresser drawers for our clothes, a rusty and probably unusable room safe with corroded batteries, a small table built out of the wall that would serve as my travel office, and would-you-believe, a rotary telephone; how’s that for nostalgia?
There was an old-model radio built into the nightstand next to the bed. I was very surprised to find it not only received AM, FM but shortwave as well. I had brought along a pair of Bose headphones and during some rainy down days, spent many fun-filled, and I mean that sincerely, hours DXing from the comfort of my ‘enormous’ king bed.
Beyond that, the room was very nondescript. Like any other of the millions of rooms in hotels around the world that unlike here, aren’t claiming a 5-star rating. I mean, it was clean, if not a little long in the tooth. But didn’t smell too terrible, even after I took care of that with my Camacho offerings. It was utilitarian, everything worked, even the water pressure, which surprisingly could strip off layers of one’s skin if you weren’t careful.
The bathroom, though no Jacuzzi, had a large enough bathtub for the occasional soaking period. Western accouterments in the bathroom were also welcome additions. My knees can’t handle the traditional squat-holes any longer.
There were an electric teapot and several brands of tea, but no coffee. A quick “Gee! I sure wish I had some coffee!” to the four walls and damned if 30 minutes later, a porter didn’t arrive to replenish my tea and courtesy in-room coffee…
There was a small Japanese brand in-room refrigerator which I thought might house a mini-bar. Oh, no! It was actually a complimentary larder stocked with all sorts of Best Korean goodies. Multiple cans of Taedonggang beer. Several bottles of Pyongyang Soju, in various flavors ranging anywhere from 16.8 to 53 percent alcohol by volume. My fridge was skewed towards the right-hand side of the bell curve; the more heavy-duty boozy side.
Evidently, my reputation had preceded me again.
There was a selection of German-style wheat beers from the Taedonggang Brewery and the more familiar ales, steam beers, and lagers. There were some imported beers like Heineken, Bavaria, Pils, a couple of Japanese brands: Asahi and Kirin, and something called ‘Hello Beer’ from Singapore.
There were also ‘sampler’ bottles of Apricot Pit wine, and a couple of high-alcohol fruity liquors made from constituents such as apple or pear, and mushrooms. There were also special medicinal liquors like ‘Rason’s Seal Penis Liquor’.
That is going home with me unopened.
There were a couple of bottles of local sake, called Chonju. Finally, there was a couple ‘samplers’ of homemade alcohol known as Makkoli. Plus there was something called ‘Corn Grotto’, which for the life of me, looks and tastes much like a very passable Kentucky Sippin’ Bourbon.
I put our concierge on instant danger money the very next day. He’s yet to source me more than a fifth of the stuff so far.
I found that there is a popular drink here which mirrors the Yorsch of Mother Russia. Beer and soju can be mixed to create *somaek’; a foamy, frothy, funky drink of many flavors, depending on the soju chosen.
Is ethnoimbibology at thing? The science of how different cultures drink and the effects of drinking culture on different societies. If not, now I have another Ph.D. to pursue after I endow a chair at some likely Asian university.
Anyways, in everyone’s room was a “welcome” basket, just chock full of Best Korean goodies. Postcards, stamps, ads for coin sets, stamp proofs and other goodies that could be purchased at the hotel. There was a field notebook, which I thought was a very nice addition, newspapers, cookies, crackers, biscuits, candies, fruit drinks, and some fresh fruit; although tamarind chewies and durian chips aren’t on my list of personal favorites.
There were a couple of tour books, just chock full of staged photos. These were very nice as well, as so far, we haven’t had much time for shopping outside of government stores or smaller family-run shops in town or out in the boonies.
A few of us were hungry and decided to see what the hotel had to offer room service-wise.
Bupkiss.
But, they did have a selection of restaurants. There is a Chinese restaurant, a European restaurant, and a Korean restaurant on site but they all serve the same food...a Best Korean attempt at western food. And it was weird being the only ones in the restaurant even though it was fully staffed.
We grazed lightly and decided to do some late-night perambulations around our hotel. Our handlers admonished us to stay within the confines of the hotel, or see them if it was absolutely necessary to go walkabout. In the hotel, we were on our own.
We found that there were tunnels in the hotel’s basement. The basement tunnels were a real bonus. There’s a bar with pool tables, a karaoke room, bowling, and a massage parlor, where I was beaten and pummeled into submission by tiny, diminutive, little Korean lassies fully 1/5th my size.
It was wonderful.
There was a hairdresser’s, who were completely befuddled by my shoulder-length silver-gray locks and full gray Grizzly Adams beard. They did provide a lovely shampoo/cranial massage though for the equivalent of US$2.
There were a couple of shops selling Chinese goods rather than local stuff, which was sort of disappointing, a cold noodle bar, and another casino. No shops selling Korean Communist propaganda posters, as I wanted to augment my Soviet-era collection. Perhaps I’ll find something in-country later on.
We were shocked to find that the casino had WiFi that was uncensored and we were able to access; after a fee of liquor miniatures and a cigar or two. We were supposed to have access to the global internet, not local intranet, from the universities that we would be visiting. However, all of that was under the heavily squinting eyes of handlers and guys in shiny suits wearing fake Ray-Bans.
I still had my secret satellite internet lash-up available, but that was iffy, a pain in the ass to set up, and ridiculously expensive. However, it did work on the 39th floor and the times I used it instead of wandering down to the tunnels, no one appeared to be the wiser. Thus far.
So typically, we’d just head to the basement casino with our laptops, iPads, and phones. Bam! Robert’s your Sister’s Husband, we could connect more-or-less free with the outside world; hence how you are reading this now.
Herro! “Yes, I’d sure like another beer. This time a porter, if you please.”
The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain. Or the more they put into locks, the easier they are to pick.
Besides, we were told we’d have access to unfettered and free internet. OK, so we just found it for ourselves. Whaddya expect? We’re scientists, motherfucker, back off.
Ahem.
Back to reality.
The breakfast buffet the next morning had a wide choice of Asian and Western food, although the choices seemed to be the same every day. The main event was to beat the Chinese tourists to the egg station every morning. Breakfast always included fried eggs, a limited selection of pork, kippered fish, potatoes, rice, fruit, and a very Titanium-dioxide-white white bread
After a while, I took to going to the small market behind the lobby, buying some imported Chinese or Japanese nibbly bits and heading to the tunnels for a few breakfast beers before the long hard day’s work. It took almost a week, but I gained the trust of some of the workers in the tunnels and they showed me the on-site microbrewery at the hotel. It produced very passable, and very, very cheap beers of several varieties.
Liquid bread. Beer. Is there nothing it can’t do?
After breakfast our first day at the hotel, we were told to meet in the Conference Room “Il-sung” as we were going to have a ‘Welcome foreign imperialist scientists’ introduction and indoctrination.
Besides our handlers and the shiny-suit squad, there were several Korean folks we didn’t recognize. These were students, scientists, and scholars from the Kim Chaek University of Technology, Kim Il-sung University, the Pyongyang University of Science and Technology; all hailing from Pyongyang, and the University of Geology from North Hwanghae Province.
“Oh, marvelous”, Erlen remarked, “It’s going to be a bloody Chautauqua. We’ll be here all day.”
“Well”, I replied, “It could be worse. We could be on a bus headed off on another unscheduled road trip.”
As we found our seats, our Korean counterparts were busily setting up portable screens, like the ones your grandfather had for showing his 2.1 Googleplex worth of travel slides every Christmas or Thanksgiving get-together. They had a couple of ancient Chinese brand laptops that could have doubled for body armor, they were so thick and heavy.
While they fiddled with running cords for the overhead projectors and 16mm film projector; yes, it was going to be movie time as well, the hotel’s restaurant folks wheeled in carts laden with scones, cupcakes, and other sweet sorts of bakery. Another cart was wheeled in with pump-pots of hot water, tea, and coffee. Usual scientific meeting fare.
There was one final cart that made the day bearable. It held a pony keg of hotel micro-brewed beer on ice, with several dozen frosty mugs available for all who wanted to partake.
There were instantly 12 mugs that were spoken for.
I grabbed a cold beer and wandered around the conference room, sipping beer, chewing on an unlit cigar, and just trying to be pleasant to our hosts and their scientific guests. I was surprised when one North Korean professor, who spoke amazingly British-tinged English, offered me a light for my cigar.
“Is smoking allowed here?” I asked.
“Allowed?” he laughed heartily, “My good man, it’s practically a prerequisite.”
“Here then”, I said, offering him a nice, unctuous Camacho, “Try one of mine.”
Dr. P'ung Kwang-Seon of the North Korean University of Geology became my instant and lifelong friend at that moment.
We had a very nice chat, much to the chagrin of the gray suit cadre, who could hear what we were talking about, but probably didn’t understand anything beyond every 8th word.
After a while, we were asked to take our seats, after refreshing our drinks, and introduced to the group of Korean geoscientists we’d be interacting with during our stay here in Best Korea.
I tried to record every name, but between the students, other scholars, and professors from the various universities, I decided I’d ask for a list of participants once the day had worn on. After all, they had all our names, references, and resumes if the thick folio they kept referring to was any indication.
There were a couple of hours of introductions, as every one of the Korean geoscientists there introduced themselves, mostly through translators, told of their personal area of specialty, and their latest work.
Most were what would be considered geoscientists, but oddly enough, not one that you would consider a petroleum geoscientist, however tangentially.
There were geomorphologists, structural geologists, petrologists, mineralogists, marine geologists, engineering geologists, and seismologists. However, there were no stratigraphers, sedimentologists, paleontologists, or geochemists. We were all geoscientists, but apart from the obvious Korean:English disparity, it was as if we spoke different scientific languages as well.
That would be our first hurdle to overcome.
They had no oil industry here; none whatsoever, therefore why one would bother with the geosciences that fed directly into petroleum? That, in and of itself, would make it difficult to explore for oil in the country. Couple that with the fact that they’re so insular, think their version of ‘science’ is the best, at least that’s the official line, and think all other’s ‘science’ is capitalistic, substandard, and inferior doesn’t bode well for your country discovering anything either oily or gassy.
We were having another conclave around the beer keg, ack, err…a ‘coffee break’ and I mentioned this fact to my scientific colleagues.
“Guys”, I need input here, “We’re going to get precisely nowhere if they won’t even acknowledge that they have major problems from the start.”
Ivan replies, “Very true. I’ve seen this before back home. You get a group so entrenched in their own little corner of science, they can’t even accept or acknowledge that others exist. Not only exist but actually know more about a certain problem than do you.”
Dax joins the fray, “Sure, that’s very true, but who’s going to tell them this unfortunate fact? They could take that as a personal, national, and global insult. Imagine you’re at an international conference and a bunch of foreigners walk in just to tell you you’ve been doing it all wrong for the last 75 years.”
I add, “Remember, though. These characters are scientists as well. I think it’ll be a good measure of seeing what sort of science and scientist we’re dealing with here. If they are truly researchers, they’ll listen to and evaluate what we say as for veracity and accuracy. If they’re just a bunch of Commie goons; no offense, Comrade Academician Ivan, they’ll get all pissed off, kick us out, and we get to go home and enjoy our triple Force Majeure pay.”
Ivan walks over and deliberately steps on the toes of my newly polished field boots.
“In Soviet Russia, field boots walk on YOU.” He laughs in his heavily inflected, and scary, Soviet-era speech…
“Yes, I agree”, Joon adds, “But who is going to address this issue with our hosts? Perhaps one of our Russian comrades, as they are, or were, more politically aligned with our Korean friends and perhaps best understand the issue?”
Ack speaks up, grinning maniacally, “No, I disagree. We should have the one person here who so encapsulates the ideologies and political leanings that they love to hate here so much. You know; the quiet, diminutive, and soft-spoken North American…”
Dax recoils, “Oh, no! I’m not going out in front of this mob of ornery Orientals…”
I smile wanly and tell Dax to cool out.
“Relax, Dax. They’re talking about me.”
“Oh, yes”, a collective group of voices replies, “Yes. Let out fearless Team Leader break the bad news to our Eastern Colleagues. That way we can gauge their reactions to being bounced around scientifically by a member of the Evil Capitalist Cartel.”
“OK”, I reply, “I’ll do it. But be forewarned, my fine feathered fiends. I get stuck on a topic that’s not precisely my bailiwick, I’m going to throw your ass to the wolves. Remember, we’re all in this together.”
Whoops, and catcalls were reduced to mumbles and ‘Aw, fucks.’.
Chautauqua resumption was called and I asked for the floor.
It was a bit off the agenda, but since they’ve been chewing the air for the last several hours, they understood it would be appropriate for us to at least try and get a word in edgewise.
I downed my beer, and grabbed a fresh one as what I was going to say was going to be harsh, cut-and-dried, and rather pointed. But delivered in a pleasant manner.
I hoped.
This all had to be filtered through a series of translators, one for general conversational Korean and another for the more technical and scientific transliterations. I realized I was going to be up here for a while. So, I brought a cigar.
One way or another, I was going to deliver our pronouncements and hell, I may as well be comfortable while doing it.
.
“Greetings and felicitations, my Eastern Colleagues. Let me first say how nice it is to be here in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea as part of the ….”
I’m going to fast-forward through all the flowery bullshit and introductory happiness; I’ll going to just cut to the guts of the matter.
“…Now, you do know why there has been virtually no oil, gas nor any other hydrocarbon related deposit discovered here in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea?” I asked by way of a rhetorical question.
I sipped my beer and lit my cigar. In for a chon, in for a won.
I let the buzzing subside on the side of our eastern counterparts.
“Because, and please do not take this as insulting or derogatory, but as a statement of irrefutable fact, no one with the proper training nor experience has been looking. You’re historically guilty of applying the science incorrectly and letting dogma and politics guide your search, instead of the scientific method and the facts. Geology, like all natural science, is just as truth based on the facts for a capitalist as it is for a communist. Reality is not influenced by your beliefs, be they scientific or political, secular or spiritual, ‘trusted’ rather than ‘thought’; any more than by your wish that it wouldn’t rain today during a raging thunderstorm.”
Little Boy over Hiroshima was dropped with less effect.
Our Democratic People's Republic of Korea colleagues erupted into a chaotic mixture of stuttering, internecine yelling, accusations, and sputtering.
Calling for decorum, I figured that since I was this far gone, I may as well push the plunger all the way to the bottom.
“Gentlemen, I do not denigrate the science of geology as taught and practiced here in Best Korea.” I actually said that, sort of a slip of the tongue. Continuing, “However, one would not fish for Bluefin tuna from a rowboat in a pond with a fly rod. One does not hunt bear in the city with a slingshot. Just as one doesn’t search for oil and gas with mining engineers, geomorphologists, and seismologists.”
I let that sink in and after the translation, they calmed a bit and wanted to hear the rest of what I had to say. I could sense a couple was less than thrilled with what I had to say, but forging onward…
“One fishes for Bluefin tuna in the deep ocean with huge rods, reels and a specialist boat captained by someone with deep experience in hunting the elusive fish. One hunts bear in the proper environment, the taiga or forest, with the proper tools and guided by one with the education, learnedness, and experience to know how to make the hunt come out successful.”
Hit them with some analogies they can relate to and digest. Now, go for the carotid.
“Just like one does not hunt oil and gas without stratigraphers, sedimentologists, geophysicists, petrophysicists, and other oil and gas experts who have the education, experience, and knowledge to know where to look. Knowing which environment looks most conductive to hide your quarry, if you’ll pardon the pun, and how best to find them, the guys who know how to corral and de-risk them once you find them, and the engineers and technologists who know how to bring them to the surface so they can be utilized.”
They had stopped being irritated and were listening in rapt attention.
“My colleagues and I have spent the last few days going over, in detail the geology of your country. There is nothing we can see that would preclude the development, entrapment, and preservation of economic quantities of oil and gas. Ture, the geology is quite complex as is the structural history of the entire peninsula. That’s one other thing you will have to accept. Geology doesn’t give the tiniest shit about political boundaries. One must look at the big picture, and that doesn’t stop at some man-made borders. Ignore that fact at your peril, because if you continue to view the geology here as not existing across political boundaries, you are preadapting yourself for failure.”
Drs. Ivan, Volna, and Morse make certain that everyone sees the ex-Soviets agreeing with the bushy-bearded, cigar-chomping American capitalist.
“So,” I said, hoping to bring this little spit-balling session to a fortuitous close, “If we can have an agreement; scientific agreement, on these points, then I am certain we can find a way forward with not only this discussion but the program we can devise for the best Korean (notice phase shift?) geologists to take the project forward both scientifically soundly and economically successful.”
My North Korean counterpart gets up from his seat in the conference room, goes to the keg, taps a couple of beers and walks up to the podium where I was standing.
“Thank you, Dr. Rocknocker, for saying what needed to be said”, he spoke in perfect English as he handed me a beer.
I grinned and gratefully accepted the beer.
“Why, Dr. Chang Kwang-Su”, I said, as that was his name, “You old fraud. You do speak English; and very well, I must add.”
“Yes, almost all of us do”, he relayed, “But, as you said, we are most reserved. We were more or less under orders of the ‘most illustrious’, to play coy, and act as if we spoke no English.”
“I see.” I said, “I’ve worked in several FSU countries as well as Russia and saw that there as well. I guess old habits die hard.”
“That they do, Doctor.”, he replied, “But, we must now tell you the truth. We knew exactly what you said is true, and we agree. We are not as totally insulated from the outside world as some suspect.”
“Well, I was going on what your superiors related to us. Like the police that had all their toilets stolen, I had nothing else to go on.” I replied.
“Ah, ha! Quite!”, he chuckled, “We had long suspected that we were lacking in certain areas of scholarship. What you said cements that fact as it was an independent conclusion. We can now present that to our superiors with the caveat that unless we bolster work and training in these areas, the hunt of hydrocarbon resources here will be for naught.”
“I am relieved”, I said, truthfully. “I was slightly concerned that some might take umbrage to being told their science is not up to specifications. I tried to be the bearer of that bad news but deliver it gently. Here, I find you need that to use that as a truncheon to smack one’s boss upside the head and tell him that an upgrade is required. And fast.”
“Ah, so”, he replies, “We are in total agreement. Now that is out of the way, we would appreciate it if you’d help in designing a course of study for up and coming local geoscientists. Then, we can go forward with a great plan to search for oil and gas here in…Korea. Correct?”
“Absolutely”, I remarked, “You’ve got over 400 man-years of science and exploration expertise here in this room alone. Let’s shoot for the moon, so to speak. Let’s get you up to speed on scientific journals and articles that are available out there in all of academia and industry. Let’s get you communicating on a global basis. Let’s prove that you can talk science with global scientists and still not have it affect your political or nationalistic aspirations one little bit. Let’s see if we can drag you, figuratively speaking, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century.”
“Doctor”, Dr. Chang remarked, “You are the embodiment of what we were always told what Americans are. Brash, loud, confident, and evil. Except for evil, you are American as we were led to believe.”
“Hey, I take that as a compliment”, I exclaim. “You think that’s bad, I’ve got a bunch of earnest Europeans, raucous Russians, and a couple of cagey Canadians on my side as well. Before we’re finished here, we’ll have you ordering hachee, dining on Caldo Verde, snacking on salmiakki, drinking Russkaya vodka with Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, eating poutine, and rooting for the Packers.”
“Doctor, I don’t know what half of that means, but I hope it comes to pass. It sounds most fascinating.” Dr. Chang chuckles.
The rest of the day was spent with various groups crystallizing and breaking off from the main crowd; then reforming as different groups. This was good, as it showed an interest across not only national borders but across ideologies and scientific specialties.
Most everyone here spoke English with some degree of fluency, so the translators were called in only occasionally.
I made certain they were included in everything that transpired that day. I want everyone to feel ‘part of the team’. How better to show the classlessness of Western science to include everyone in on both sides of every discussion and activity?
To be continued…

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videos	World War 2 bomb found in London and detonated in Kent quarry	Kent
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pics	Because Cranberry Apple infused balsamic reduction was too long to write...	Apple
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pics	This Coca-Cola bottle cap actually fits on this Pepsi bottle.	Coca-Cola
pics	This Coca-Cola bottle cap actually fits on this Pepsi bottle.	Pepsi
Showerthoughts	I have an Apple Watch, an iPhone, a MacBook and an iPad. Shouldn't I get bonus stats for a matching set?	Apple
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gaming	No Man's Sky kinda cheated tho	Sky
Documentaries	The House of the Future 2015 - Car giant Honda drives sustainability research with its innovative zero-net energy homes	Honda
news	Marissa Meyer Off Yahoo Board	Yahoo
nosleep	I am an Uber Driver and, strangely, I have Stories to Tell	Uber
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funny	Probably got a Starbucks somewhere inside.	Starbucks
OldSchoolCool	Chevy Chase and Christie Brinkley on the set of National Lampoon's Vacation 1983	Chase
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tifu	TIFU by stealing by brothers joke to flirt with a Starbucks barista.	Starbucks
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TwoXChromosomes	Quick survey to find out if Wells Fargo is discriminating	Wells Fargo
gaming	RE7 Xbox - PC	Xbox
sports	Only watched the play that set up the final TD in Clemson/Alabama. Looks to me that the feet got tangled, as usual, refs couldn't just let the game play itself out.	TD
pics	Best ESPN sign of all time.	ESPN
sports	Clemson's TD to win championship in last second	TD
pics	Sentinels of a Northern Sky in Finnish Lapland	Sky
sports	Clemson scores TD with one second left to beat Alabama and win national title	TD
Jokes	What do you call an Orange Juice and Stoli?	Orange
gaming	Cross platform Xbox one and MAC	Xbox
AskReddit	On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?	ABC
AskReddit	You wake up the next morning and have the ability to turn anything into a Lego with touch. On the other side of the world an individual does the same but it's with megablocks. How do you proceed?	Lego
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WritingPrompts	WP The 26th United Galactic Conference is just days away. There have been rumours that the Elves are preparing a war with the Dwarves, while the Orcs can't seemed to be bothered.	United
pics	The New Audi R8 – Truly a Supercar!	Audi
personalfinance	Reread my 401k fund choices. Expense Ratio on Target Retirement Fund for 2050 is 1.02%. Advice please.	Target
AskReddit	For those of you who used to work at McDonald's or still do, what was your experience like?	McDonald's
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pics	This guy on Facebook is trying to nonchalantly sell Redbox movie rentals	Facebook
EarthPorn	Stargazing - Sevenoaks, United Kingdom 3264 x 2448 OC	United
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sports	Fifa World Cup vote: 48-team plan given unanimous approval in Zurich meeting	Zurich
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AskReddit	How different would our world be if Taco Bell had existed since the dawn of civilization?	Bell
mildlyinteresting	Found a 1925 Coca-Cola Swastika Watch Fob	Coca-Cola
todayilearned	TIL that Converse shoes is a Nike Company since 2003.	Nike
worldnews	Jeff Sessions, new US attorney general, faces rough ride - BBC News	BBC
news	Yahoo to be named Altaba, Mayer to leave board after Verizon deal	Verizon
space	Manned Planetary Exploration Capability Using Nuclear Pulse Propulsion - Paul R. Shipps, General Atomic Division, General Dynamics Corporation	General Dynamics
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pics	Marissa Mayer left Yahoo as CEO, and New name of Yahoo is Altaba	Yahoo
gaming	Is it possible for Sony to pick up Scalebound?	Sony
funny	Mike Tyson stars in...	Tyson
Futurology	Can Google and Amazon build a greener Internet despite Trump? - "Almost 20 have committed to running their data centers and other facilities on 100 percent renewable energy as a way to fight global warming, although they differ on timetables and details."	Google
Showerthoughts	If the real world was like the Lego world, our roads would be made of skin, or maybe our heads would be made of pavement.	Lego
mildlyinteresting	This Taco Bell sign is designed so that no matter how hard the wind blows, it always faces the customer	Bell
worldnews	Russian Embassy taunts British PM with cartoon frog tweet - BBC News	BBC
TwoXChromosomes	Even in the rich United States, women over the age of 65 are, according to U.S. Census statistics, twice as likely to be poor as men over 65.	United
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pics	This completely and totally legitimate Apple Authorisrd Resdller	Apple
worldnews	FTSE 100 sets another record high and pound sinks as HSBC chairman says banks may trigger Brexit contigency plans by March	HSBC
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worldnews	Islamic State attack victims' families sue Twitter - BBC News	BBC
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funny	Hilarious time on Subway in NYC	Subway
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Showerthoughts	Old Apple products box art showed the device's screen, now boxes show the device's thinness!	Apple
funny	This dude in a kimono wearing padlock earrings and watching anime in an Apple Store	Apple
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Futurology	Holographic Touch Interface in a CAR - BMW @ CES 2017	BMW
worldnews	Congressional Republicans are prepping legislation to slash US funding to the United Nations, saying it's the right response following last month's Security Council vote condemning Israeli settlements	United
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videos	I Sh*t My Pants On The No Pants Subway Ride Prank	Subway
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: How and why is Facebook able to determine what advertisements to show on my timeline based on my activity in other apps, Facebook itself, and texting?	Facebook
history	Detroit Institute of Arts Uses Google Tango AR Technology To Make History Come Alive	Google
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explainlikeimfive	ELI5: What is going on behind the scenes when a post claims that "you can make this the image that comes up when searching Google Images for _____"?	Google

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2013-06-16
Link to submission (Has self-text)

Questions	Answers
What's you're best story about someone trying to con/steel from the casino?	I figure you're looking for some kind of crazy Oceans 11 story (of which there are several in the industry but none on my watch), but honestly the best ones are people trying to steal from the fucking buffet.
	Mom comes in with two kids and says they're not eating so she shouldn't have to pay. The cashier says OK.
	Fast forward 15 minutes and the cashier notices that the kids are missing.
	THE FUCKING MOTHER IS FEEDING THEM UNDER THE TABLE LIKE FUCKING DOGS.
Best AMA response ever. have an upvote!	We had set out in the foyer those bags for your umbrella so the floor doesn't get wet.
	Lady takes one, goes to the buffet, and starts filling it with food. Brazenly. Not trying to hide it.
	We stop her and she says "what? this is all you can eat?!"
"Sit down and eat the contents of the bag then..."	We found a HUGE ziplock bag of food by a table. The "customer" had obviously left it behind.
	She realized she forgot it and came back to get it about 30 minutes later.
You should hire me as a buffet monitor i can pose as a customer then obnoxiously call them out for stuffing their purses with chicken fingers and mashed potatoes w/gravy. "HEY FAT LADAYYY I SEE YOU STEALIN THEM CHIKKAN FINGAZ!"	Have a lady who consistently bitches about having to pay full price since she can't consume a lot because of her gastric bypass.
Do you actually have a policy to ask people to leave if you feel they lost more than they can afford? i watched a piece by loius theroux once where he asked this question to some of the managers of a casino and they all said "oh, i know they can afford it, of course we would ask them to stop if they couldnt". but obviously, from a business perspective, this is counter-intuitive towards making profits. so what is your take on this whole thing? and what is the overhead like for running a casino? what are some expenses you have which may be surprisingly high?	We never make judgment on whether or not they can afford it. We really only step in if they come to us or start doing something overt like begging for money or asking for loans, etc. In the macro view, it's very bad for business if we don't do something about problem gambling when it presents itself.
	Overhead... EBITDA margin of 30% is great.
	Expenses... I guess crab legs would be too obvious? Besides that, maybe table games labor. You have a 0.5% house advantage at blackjack and have to have a physical person here 24/7 plus a supervisor for every 5-6 games.
What games are the biggest money makers for the casino? and coincidentally, Ace, ever ran a sports book?	Penny slots by far.
	Ha. No. But have worked in casinos that have them.
But why do I always win/come out ahead max-betting on the fucking Sex and the City penny slot?	Google "law of large numbers"
1) How do you like the city? (So many people hate on it, and I don't understand why). Also, how did you like UNLV and when were you there?	1.) I actually just moved away for a job. I just think Vegas is OK. I moved there when I was in my mid-20s with a decent job so it was cool and exciting then. Fast forward a decade or so and the allure isn't there anymore. It's not "home" and I don't think it will ever will be because of how transient the population is.
2) to me it seems like a pretty small about of locals gamble (at least at the strip properties), do you guys keep tabs on those numbers? If so, what is the ratio of your gambling customers?	2.) I don't have the numbers in front of me, but we did a study one time and showed that Vegas has the highest incidence of regularly gambling activity in the nation. I always just felt that was a function of accessibility and self selection on the part of the residents. But you're right that locals don't go to the strip. The marketing offers are terrible compared to the non-strip properties and it's a pain to get to the strip just to get your gambling fix.
To what extent is organized crime still present in or around the casinos? Any personal encounters?	Virtually none AFAIK.
	The industry is very, very heavily regulated. When you get to the executive ranks you have to go through very, very thorough background checks. 5 years of tax returns, 5 years of all cancelled checks, explanations of all withdrawals > $200 and deposits > $500, in depth interview with an agent, etc.
	The last time I've heard of legit organized crime here in the states (places like Macau are an entirely different story) was in Rosemont, IL I think in the mid-90s.
	Link to casinoconnectionac.com
Damn, all withdrawals over $200? For the past 5 years? "Uh, I dunno, I don't really remember why I withdrew $300 from an ATM 3 years ago. Maybe I spent it buying some off of Craig's List, I dunno."	Yeah, it's really ridiculous.
Explain Macau?	The Triad are heavily influential there. Kind of like what you'd imagine in Vegas in the 50s.
Holy shit, I live in Des Plaines.	Des Plaines' only problem now is how to more quickly count all the money they're making
The scene from Skyfall comes to mind.	Yep.
Organized crime is the muscle of the casino, the security guards, the directors of security, the private investigators, the small business owners, the gamblers who launder money through the casinos. Of course the mob isn't like the movies anymore.	Well i'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you on everything except the money laundering despite the fact we have to live by Title 31 Link to en.wikipedia.org
It is true that if a person is on a helluva winning streak and is consistantly winning and you cant figure out why... you will demand that he take his winnings and leave and never show his face in the place again? (kick him out for winning).	It's possible but relatively rare. you have to have enough cash to really turn out our lights to get to that point. for the vast vast majority of people, we have more money than you so as long as feel like we can get you back in the door, go ahead and win away
So that scene in Rain man is totally bullshit then? Where they consistently win and make $80,000 from a couple of thousand... then are told to GTFO after the casino guys couldnt figure out how they were doing it.	Bullshit only in the sense that couldn't figure out what was going on
What gives a person the best odds when playing Blackjack-playing with more decks or less decks? i seem to win more with tables that use 6 decks and my friends do better with 4 decks..	It's a lot more than the number of decks and the casinos use that information asymmetry to their advantage (e.g., $5 SINGLE DECK BLACKJACK!!!) Everything being the same, the less amount of decks the better but we will change the payouts for BJ, rules for splitting and double down, etc. to our advantage. So you can have a 6-deck shoe with otherwise very liberal rules that have a lower house advantage than a single deck show with very unfavorable rules.
So with the same set of rules, less decks is more favourable?	Yes everything else being equal
Is that just because it's easier to count or is it fancy math stuff.	Fancy math stuff.
	USING FEWER DECKS.
	Six Decks: -0.02% Five Decks: -0.03% Four Decks: -0.06% Two Decks: -0.19% One Deck: -0.48%
	Link to www.onlineblackjack.com
Ever seen anyone get naked or have sex in the casino or bathrooms?	Boobs pop out of the cocktail waitresses' uniforms relatively often because they'll get tops 3 sizes too small in order to get bigger cleveage/tips.
	Saw chick blowing a dude at a slot machine at the entrance of a club.
	And Vegas has all of these European-style pools so if you're out there "inspecting the grounds" then all those girls are topless.
Sweet. What'd you do with the BJ couple? Pic of one of the pools please?	Security was running towards them so I just assumed they got the boot.
	Pools = just go to imagefap and look for topless beaches.
Do you ever feel guilty for all the money people lose to your business?	Of course.
Did you see the fictional series "Tilt" on ESPN about 5-7 years ago? Any opinions on it? Did you find it entertaining? Did you find any of it accurate at all?	Vaguely. And when I say that I mean I remember the series and watching a bit of it and that's it.
	To us, the holy grail of Casino movies is Casino and Rounders.
Thanks for the response! I love Rounders, but it seemed to focus more on the players, and more on non-casino-based games, whereas Tilt was as much about the casino management as anything else. I should watch Casino.	Yeah if you're interested in the casino management piece then Casino.
Does your casino make any efforts to stop problem gamblers from betting more than they can afford?	Every casino company has policies regarding problem gambling that are audited by the state. Each state also has its own minimum guidelines like mandating that brochures be placed in very visible areas of the casinos, hotline numbers printed on every ad, etc.
	It's a delicate situation when you think someone might have a problem because, well it might not be a problem. So we generally only do things if they specifically ask us to (e.g., they can ban themselves) or if they start doing something really egregious like asking players or employees for loans at which point we'd probably pull them aside and hand them a brochure and ask if there's anything we can do to help because what they're currently doing is unacceptable (the begging).
There's a casino near my house that keeps a full time car appraiser on staff. I've always felt that's a little shady. You ever run into anything like that?	No way.
Even though I believe casino gambling should be legal, I find the practice of casino's providing credit to be morally indefensible. What is your opinion on the practice? Would it be a reasonable compromise to allow for more casinos on the stipulation that gambling on a margin is banned?	So if I'm a high worth individual who likes to gamble, your expectation is that I just bring in a suitcase of $100s to gamble with?
No, a debit card.	Reasonable.
A debit card? not reasonable...a credit limit is the only feasible way some patrons can gamble...most people do not want to walk around with 50k in there pocket...and I'm not sure how you would go about withdrawing thousands of dollars from an ATM machine.	I was being sarcastic. It's a huge competitive disadvantage to not be able to offer credit (e.g., Missouri) because no high roller wants to play there. You'd have to physically go to the bank, withdraw 20K cash or whatever, somehow survive walking to your car, and then somehow survive walking to the casino from your car. TBF, there's also what is called front money which is where you can wire money to us and we will hold it for you but you have to pay the fees vs us offering you credit free. I did have a millionaire player who strictly got his money off of a variety of credit cards and would just do cash advances. We obviously never questioned it but he had apparently had a huge credit line (evidenced by the amount he was able to withdraw) and enough to pay it back (evidenced by him able to come often).
notjabba...no one cares if "you believe casino gambling should or shouldn't be legal"
How do you know if i am card counting, and do you care if i am not playing for big money?	Primarily odd fluctuations in your betting patterns. $5, 5, 5, 5, then $1,000, then $5, 5, 5, 5 would catch our eye big time.
, big money!	We care. Small wins add up.
What if i went 5,5,5,20? Would you care then?	At those low levels no one would be on the lookout for you.
How automated is the alerting system for this? Pit boss getting info from the sky I assume?	Not very automated. There are a variety of technologies out there designed to thwart this but they're expensive and casinos are too staid to invest.
	So basically it's just either surveillance or the pit supervisor noticing something odd then starting to keep track of the bets.
Might be a silly question, but does stuff ever go down like it does in the movies? Like, say some guy is cheating in one way or another or doesn't take a hint to leave. Is he going to get taken into a back room and get his ass kicked or just escorted out? Taking fingers, breaking knee caps etc. etc.	Nah, too highly regulated these days.
At what point do you start looking for card counters? If I'm playing with a $50-200 bet spread am I noticeable? Is the the spread (4:1, 8:1, 20:1) the dollar figure or a combination?	Sorry this isn't my area of expertise so I can't with this level of specificity. I'd think a 4X spread wouldn't be bad, though, but just an educated guess.
	You could buy a membership to the Green Chip forum (bj21.com), though and read up on the reverse engineering they've done.
I would venture a guess that electronic card games have pattern recognition built right in?	I don't know how they do the shuffle. I'd imagine it's a fresh shuffle before every hand like in video poker thus nullifying counting.
Well I understand that, but profits on a casino are through the roof, are they not? I assume that there is a relatively low amount of card counters , and that you still will make a very good profit.	Profits aren't as good as you'd think post 2008 economy.
	Bottom line is that it ain't ever gonna happen. Sorry.
What is the biggest amount you have seen someone lose?	I was working at Wynn when Andy Beal played "The Corporation" so that was like $16.5MM he lost to them I believe.
That's fucking cool, I read the book detailing the events of this, Link to en.m.wikipedia.org. Any cool stories etc from your point of view from then?	Honestly, everything I found out about it at the time was from 2+2. I didn't have direct access to the players so it wasn't really like I could analyze the session with Phil afterwards.
Urban legends of someone winning big at the slots but having it taken away to a glitch. Has this really happened to your knowledge?	Not urban legend. Many cases like this. The player never wins. Google it and you'll find tons of them. E.g.,
	Link to www.lasvegassun.com
	This one is international but I think is the funniest. Not only did you "win" $55MM on a machine that stated the max jackpot was $50K but after winning $55MM, you went ahead and played another spin... just in case...
	Link to www.thanhniennews.com
Damn that sucks. Well here is one for you. Did you know that in Panama you can double down at the black jack tables at any point. It gives you a huge advantage and you can win a lot of money that way.	I'd heard something like that. My best friend (avid gambler) went to Costa Rica and basically came back saying he had to totally re-learn BJ when he was down there because of all of their crazy rules.
	If that's true about Panama, I'm surprised there aren't people haven't just set up shop down there and pillaged that place until they went bust.
No i didnt have sex with the hooker but my friend did make out with her drunk.	As would I. What's up with fucking people who just make out? Fucking amateur hour. This isn't fucking 7th grade.
He didn't know that she was a hooker and was just putting the moves on her. He thought he was just really smooth with his broken spanish. What he didn't know what that I paid her to keep quiet about it. He looked REALLY sad when someone else bought her and he realized what she was.	I actually did something similar for my friend after he split up with his whore wife. We wanted to boost his spirits so gave a hooker $100 to go and flirt with him.
Shit man in Panama you can get a lot more than flirting for a hundo. Granted she won me a grand and i think i threw her 50 back. Well that and she got to make out with my friend...Worth it. Did your friend end up with the hooker hilarious movie style?	Nah, this was in Vegas, he's cheap, and we're not that generous.
How do Vegas casinos differ from Native American casinos? Or are they essentially the same?	Depends in the jurisdiction. in some there is no difference (e.g florida) while others are wildly different (e.g north Carolina)
I'm curious as to how they differ. I'm from NC but haven't been to any of the casinos around here.	In NC, for example, games have to be "games of skill" so like on the slot machines you don't just pull the handle and watch the reels go round and round, you have to physically touch the game to stop each reel.
That's not true (I've been there).	Admittedly it's been awhile since I've dealt with them (I used to work for Harrah's) but it was like that for awhile.
	Link to wizardofodds.com (scroll down a bit)
They might have some that are like that, but the handful I played (there are a shit ton) were not. Apparently they've got table games there now, too, which is new from when I was last there just a year ago.	Well the states quickly understand that they're leaving money on the table (no pun intended) but creating this arcane regulations.
Fastest growing casino region? AC? Vegas? Macau?	Macau.
	Absolutely nothing domestically.
Why? Distance to the large volume of middle and wealthy chinese?	Yes, and whose culture has a high propensity for gambling.
Why isn't counting cards allowed? Lets say I was a math genius, isn't it just part of the game then?	Because we reserve the right to serve whomever we please as long as we're not discriminatory against a protected class.
I see. It just seems like mocking people for being good. Maybe if I was a black math genius with down syndrome I could get along with it. No offense to either btw.	Perhaps but we're not particularly concerned.
	Btw, I'm a bit of an advantage gambler myself. I only play low house advantage games, maximize my coupons and promotions etc. so I'm sympathetic but there's just nothing that can be done on the card counting front.
Private business CAN discriminate based on protected classes, just bad business to do so.	Then don't come to my casino.
Semi-serious question: have you ever crashed someone's hand with a hammer because he/she was found cheating?	Boy do I wish, but no.
Could you explain why it is so difficult to get casinos in states that do not already have them? Im from Dallas, and it seems that the Oklahoma casinos are 70%+ Texans. It seems our state is losing a ton of $ to other states. (Oklahoma, Louisiana...)	In Texas it's because your legislature meets relatively irregularly. expansion since the 90s has been predicated on budget shortfalls and using gaming to patch up those holes.
	Texas' economy has been relatively good so combine that with a conservative legislature that doesn't meet often as we'd have have to have the perfect storm of you having a bad economic run at the same time the legislature is meeting.
	Trust me, we are ready to pounce when that happens.
Okay so a couple of years ago there was a show called "Las Vegas" and it was about a casino.	Hosts are basically your sales team to high worth players. The compensation structure is just like any other salesperson: base + commission.
Not sure if you ever saw it, but there was a character named Sam and she was a casino hostess and she was kind of a bitch but I always wanted to be that (casino host not bitch). How can I get into that?	So, if you've never done that kind of work before or sales at all for that matter, you just need to take anykind of remotely similar job and then just keep trying to plug along with the job search.
Well I cant wait until it happens. I will gladly donate my fair share for a free Paula Dean buffet.	We've owned land for decades in preparation.
	You see where companies like PENN have already bought stakes in racetracks there, taking a bet that racinos (adding slots to tracks) will be the states first foray.
The owner of Landry's (also owns the Nugget) has said repeatedly that as soon as the law is passed he can have working slots in Galveston overnight.	Yeah. His family (Fertitta) started Stations casinos in Vegas (and MMA) and really big shots in town.
Yeah, as a Houstonian and gambler, I am really hoping one day it finally happens. I hate hate HATE driving to Louisiana and I haven't been able to make it out to Vegas in 2+ years.	The folks in Lake Charles and Shreveport do not share your sentiment.
I'm sure they don't. Bud of mine wanted to make an ad campaign of just going to Isle of Capri and showing the license plates.	You mean Pile of Debris.
Highest progressive payout you've ever seen paid out? And what was the game? And any good stories about throwing out patrons?	That I've physically seen? Probably like a $75K Caribbean Stud.
I have been encouraged by many people to get a job there, but no one, even me, knows where I should start. Personally, I don't enjoy gambling and have only been in the Hard Rock a couple times, just to see the lobby and buy shirts with some out of town guests.	Probably on the non-gaming side. Not sure of your educational background but NA with degrees go very, very far very, very quickly.
So my question is where would you recommend someone to start in the casino industry, if they don't particulary like/understand gambling?	If you want to work the front line, then hotel front desk or something like that.
I don't have a degree yet, but I do have 10 years in B2B (business to business) sales in telephony, so I know a lot about circuits/phone systems/general telecom.	Native American.
EDIT: what does "NA" stand for?	So then in your case either work in IT or maybe some kind of sales position like convention sales?
Oh I didn't know there would be some sort of sales team with a casino. Sweet. I considered IT, but I assumed it would be in the realm of network security, which I know little to nothing about.	Who do you think maintains the phone switch, PCs, servers, etc.?
Proof?	What would suffice without outing me?
You would know best what you have, however this sounds like it would be easier to prove confidentially to the mods. Things such as work ID, paystub, business card, etc are acceptable forms of confidential verification.	I'll send a pic over to them. Never done this before so wasn't sure.
I have a BA in Accounting and am currently a Project Manager (Prior exp in Cost, Tax and Accural accounting, worked for the Big 4, Now I make Warheads for the Army). If I wanted to get into the Casino industry what jobs should I persue. What is the best way to persue them? Do people telecommute? Whats the pay range?	We always need good finance people. There are always other industries they can work in so it's hard to find good people.
	So I'd say just go be an accountant?
	We post on all the major job boards and casinocareers.com is the main industry-specific job board.
	Telecommuting is not a regularly accepted practice.
	For finance, it's just market rate salary.
How did you get your job?	Was in undergrad and needed a job. responded to ad in paper for entry level job. worked my way up.
I'm going to guess that wasn't a typo.	Not going to edit for the lulz.
You know what, why the hell not? Best way to make money fast?	Well, assuming you have one and only one bet to make, the math always says banker on baccarat.
Any tips/secrets for slot machine players? Which one's your favorite type/brand?	Learn to play video poker, blackjack, baccarat, or craps.
Anything video scares me..are there 'rules' in place for video poker or Bj blackjack to guarantee payouts or is it completely random? If random, how do we know the game isn't rigged in your favor?	Completely Random.
	Because it behooves the state not to let us rig the games so they employ strict regulations to prevent such.
	For example, many states mandate that this company verify the legitimacy of a game: Link to www.gaminglabs.com
	Those states that don't, do it themselves.
I accidently got my gf addicted to video poker but it paid well. Its a better chance and payoff than video slots IMO.	No opinion about it, it is true.
Does this only go for high roller tables? Or does it also go for some guy that hits a big jackpot on the slots?	Both.
Are security as horrible as people say in Vegas? I've heard from my relatives that purse snatching and such happens quite a bit and security shows up minutes after they were called (so pretty much useless). On the other hand, I've heard some amazing quick response time in Macau. Are these myths?	Need some reference point. Horrible as compared to what. You've got a 3-mile long street with literally a million people on it. There's gonna be crime.
Hmmm... how about relative to san diego or fort worth?	I'd say on par to Gaslamp but I'm no criminologist.
HOW DO YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT!? I'm serious, I want the gritty details... You use a sleep number? Memory foam? Standard matress with some box springs? And what kind of pillow to. Oh, oh, and what is the thread count of your sheets...	I'm a minimalist. Same mattress I've had for literally 15 years that I got at a department store. Hypoallergenic pillows from Target. 800 count. Also from Target.
Nice! Glad I registered my wedding at Target. Sounds like they got the good stuff.	Decent and reasonably priced. The girls can't tell the difference between it and the really nice stuff.
Counting cards actually means that you are playing the game very well and it isn't cheating. How can you justify kicking someone out of a casino for being too good at the game? Also as far as I'm aware it isn't illegal.	No it is not illegal but just like any other business we reserve the right to serve whomever we please (as long as we're not discriminating against a protected class, of course).
	In essence you are keeping track of how many 10s/face cards and low cards are in the deck because high cards help the player, low cards help the dealer.
	So if you know that the deck is rich in high cards you bet more and vice versa.
I will be attending UNLV for hospitality management in the fall. any tips?	For undergrad? Make the program what you want out of it. Just by graduating no one is going to hand you a huge job but if you do well the brand recognition can really work in your favor.
Yep for undergrad. thanks for the answer!	Go Rebels!
Does your business invest in gambling addictions or have employee training to prevent those who are gambling addicts from playing in your casino?	I take it you mean gambling addiction treatment... And yes, we do: Link to www.americangaming.org
	And every employee, at least in the majority of casinos, is trained on how to identify problem gaming.
How do you hire trust worthy people, meaning do you have some dude or gal that is like HR on steroids watching people? I imagine you have seen more than one case where there is employee theft or people who are running a front for money laundering?	Well everyone goes through a background check through the state with fingerprints and whatnot then executives go through an FBI-style background check where they check all of your bank records and stuff.
	But with so much cash floating around there is theft but it's basically like a bank so I can't imagine the incidence to be much higher than with tellers at banks.
How much do you make?	Six figures + bonus.
Awesome. What was your path to this career choice? Like education/jobs.	I just happened into it. Got entry level job during undergrad and worked my way up. Picked up master's while working.
Nice. Went to school for business I presume?	For my master's yes. Have doo doo lib arts degree for undergrad.
Awesome! So you managed to get the entry level job with just an arts degrees then worked your way up? Or was the MBA necessary for where you are at now?	I was in undergrad I got the job. It as entry level. $10/hr.
	Master's not necessary but very helpful to stick out of the crowd.
Just noticed your name...classic. At around what limits are you able to get comps for free rooms out in either AC or Vegas? I would assume that Vegas is easier due to the vast amount of rooms, but what are your tips to earning comps faster?	Depends on the property and depends on the game. And by rooms, do you mean like direct mail offers or the ability to walk up to someone and say "bitch, I'm a baller - hook me up!"
What do you know of online gambling?	I did a bunch of preliminary work when I was a corporate person.

Last updated: 2013-06-21 00:10 UTC
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