40+ 3d Juggalo Tattoos ideas tattoos, tattoo designs ...

Hello everyone,
I’ve had a rash of questions about tattoos so I thought I’d post for the general public.
“The Navy is the most liberal service when it comes to tattoos!”
Well that may be true, but it’s not “anything goes”
If you come to enlist with tattoos, here is what is going to happen. You’ll be given a sheet with an outline of a body and to circle where you have a tattoo.
Below that, you’ll be asked to identify what the tattoo is, what it means to you, and why you got it. We’ll take pictures of tats that can be seen outside of shorts and a t-shirt. The MEPS doctors get to gaze upon your nakedness during your physical and document any tattoos they see.
The pictures and descriptions get sent up for a waiver determination, if needed.
Why do we do this? Art is subjective, and body art is no different. The same piece can mean different things to different people.
If you say, “this is the symbol of the band “Bösünmätë” you’d better believe we’re going to get on the internet and print that out to confirm and put it into your application package. For all of you who think you’re cool putting the chemical structure of THC or LSD on your arm and try to pass it off as caffeine or serotonin or something, don’t bother. We know what it looks like. I should have a chemistry degree by now.
So what’s a taboo tattoo? Anything with drugs, violence, sex, gang affiliation, or hate group symbols. No face tattoos either. Let me break that down:
Drugs: No depiction or reference to drugs. This includes song lyrics, “420s”, needles, nugs, hookahs, bongs, or any other drug paraphernalia.
Violence: Blood is the big no-no. Dagger? Yes. Dagger with blood on it? No. Can’t have dead bodies, dead animals, although The Grim Reaper is ok, strangely enough. No blood on the scythe. Zombies on a case by case, but chainsawing through zombies, as I saw on a recent one, is a no.
Sex: No depictions of sex, no female breasts, no genitalia, no “69s” unless it’s very obviously referring to something else. Pin-up girls and “Fabio” guy tats are case by case. Would you show it to your granny?
Gang affiliation. You would be surprised at the number of tattoos that have a gang connotation. Teardrops, crowns, birds, spiderwebs, the number 13, and stars, depending on where they are are all bad. I hear this a lot: “But CDR Long, I’m just a white boy from Mississippi, my MS-13 tat obviously has nothing to do with the gang!” Yes, but if a real MS13 member sees it, it will be a bad time for you, regardless. What about ICP? Case by case as always, Juggalos. Of course, the last dozen people I’ve screened with ICP tattoos also had violent or drug related tattoos as well, go figure. Woop woop.
Hate Groups. Just no.
Face/neck. Nothing on the face. Cosmetic tattoos on a case by case. Nothing that can be seen above a t-shirt collar. We will take a look at a back of the neck tattoo if it is 1”x3” and cannot be seen from the front. Case by case again.
The tattoo screeners and I have seen it all over the years. I’ve seen good ink and bad ink. Cool ink and WTF ink. The screeners and I have special dispensation to look at questionable websites at work to determine if a tattoo meets criteria. Let me tell you, I’ve seen some stuff.
If you’re thinking of getting a tattoo before joining, just don’t. It’s probably not worth the hassle. Plus, you can’t ship until it has 100% healed.
Also, and this is just CDR Long talking, 75% of the tats I see are just trash. Cringeworthy joke tats, “I’m so edgy” tats, “aren’t I twee and unique?” hipster tats. Misspelled tats, hilarious “I don’t know what these Chinese characters actually mean” tats, blurry tats, “live, laugh, love” empty platitude tats, and incorrect Roman numerals tats.
But most of all, there’s just a ton of bad artwork out there. If you’re going to take the step of putting something permanent on your body, why not do it the right way? Good tattoos require forethought, skill and are usually expensive. You definitely get what you pay for. If you can’t afford the time or the money, I suggest you wait.
I’m happy to take your tattoo questions below.

Hello again friends,
If you're not familiar with what's going on here, check out our previous posts on the subject:
Removed from Bonnaroo
Bunk Police at EF 2018
Weekend One Summary
FENTANYL DEALER CONFESSION (this video is explained below)
Now that you're caught up, weekend two was certainly a learning experience for all of us. It's taken a week for me to process what happened and figure out how to even write about it, not to mention respond to and learn from it.
Before we get into all that, a quick summary of both weekends:
-Bunkot led to nearly triple the number of kits being distributed at Electric Forest this year as compared to 2017.
-We were able to effectively operate throughout the entire two-week event. Security did not shut us down, only dirty looks from them.
-We were able to conduct interviews with four different media outlets, two of which being widely distributed nationally.
---
I'm going to include all relevant details in the name of transparency, so bear with me. Any feedback you might have on how we should proceed from here would be very helpful. I would also like to point out that chasing individual fentanyl dealers all over the grounds was not how I intended for this to play out. We will be making changes in order to limit that sort of involvement.
---As we were setting up on day one, I received a flurry of emails from Goodlife (VIP camping for those who were not in attendance) about positive fentanyl tests from a specific cocaine dealer. These emails came with a description of this dealer and the baggies he was selling. This is what we had hoped for - a community response, that we could act on, to a fentanyl adulteration issue happening in real time.
The descriptions matched each other. There were positive tests from multiple people. I was about ready to send out an alert to several thousand attendees with this guy's description... this is one of several goals that the Bunkbot system was meant to accomplish, after all.
Now, with bizarre timing, I received a phone call from someone in my network who was working for EF as a concierge of sorts in Goodlife. He's in direct contact with the guy who was caught selling fentanyl. Apparently, this dude is hiding in his tent trying desperately to get ahold of anyone from The Bunk Police as he's found himself in a world of shit. His picture is already circulating on social media at this point (not ours...), people are trying to hunt him down, etc. etc.. Luckily for him, he was able to reach me right before I sent out that alert.
---
I get on a golf cart immediately and head out to Goodlife so I can confirm the results before making any additional moves.
When I get there, I realize that I actually know this guy. He's been coming into The Bunk Police tent for several years and buys bulk test kits from us - not exactly a special situation since we'll sell them in bulk to anyone who asks, but still. It's clear right then that this situation is a little different from what I had expected. He isn't someone from outside our culture, viciously trying to profit off of naive kids. This is someone deeply engrained in the scene. He seemingly cares about those around him and has apparently just made a (massive) mistake in not testing specifically for fentanyl.
He's panicked and in tears - I find myself consoling him and his girlfriend... What the fuck. Not how I expected this to play out at all.
He eventually calms down. I tell him that the only way to resolve this situation in a responsible way is to 1) go back to those who accused him 2) test random bags from his supply in front of them 3) dispose of the product if a positive test is confirmed 4) find everyone who he's sold it to and get it back / dispose of it.
He agrees, so that's exactly what we / he did. His samples came back positive for fentanyl several more times. From there, he agreed to film a "confession" of sorts and to dump his supply out. A few ounces bagged up into grams.
---
Here's that footage. I was given permission by him to post it if I could blur out his tattoos / hat and change his voice. I was short on time to learn how blur with object tracking effectively this week so I just blurred the whole thing.
FENTANYL DEALER CONFESSION.
Not exactly what you would expect, is it? As far as I can tell those weren't crocodile tears.
Some of you may be feeling sorry for him at this point, and he does present somewhat well during the remainder of this story - but know this: his cocaine samples also tested positive for meth and he was fully aware of that fact. Even though he was supposedly informing people, that's just not a chill move. People in this culture aren't doing meth intentionally and convincing them it's okay because you've labeled that meth "cocaine" is predatory. He also admitted to cutting this "coke" with two different dietary supplements and "re-rocking" it. Shady moves.
By the way, this dude is way up the chain - he sells to artists.
He reportedly left the grounds immediately, went back to his source, and "took care of it." He also came back and spent the rest of weekend two buying Fentkits in bulk and distributing them. He was in a bit of a panic / manic state thinking his reputation was being destroyed - this was him in "damage control mode" I imagine - but the easy choice would have been to disappear and he didn't.
Now for the really surprising part: He found another unrelated fentanyl-in-cocaine dealer.
---
Let me take a minute to explain something here:
Since about 2013, our modus operandi has been to sell people the kits they need, instruct them on correct use, and let them test / read the results / handle the drama that comes along with these results themselves. We learned the hard way in 2011-2012 that getting too involved comes with a torrent of uncomfortable and legally sketchy situations which are best avoided.
I had no intention of getting involved like I was forced to over the last two weeks. Being exposed to this kind of activity makes me VERY uncomfortable as I can see how the dominos might fall in these situations from a legal standpoint. I usually run to avoid this sort of thing - but the opioid epidemic has necessitated a different approach than what has become our comfortable standard.
---
Back to the story:
He spends the rest of the weekend hunting down fentanyl and, late on Saturday night / early Sunday AM, he finds a positive sample. I'm asleep at this point so he takes things into his own hands. By the time I get up on Sunday morning he's spent all night tracking this guy (let's call him dealer #2) back to his campsite. He (dealer #1) has a group of people ready to go confront dealer #2 and is asking for my advice.
(What the fuck)
I go over there and try and calm the situation down because I can see this turning violent, which is NEVER okay in my book. We ask the group of large guys that dealer #1 has rounded up to stand at a distance while we go have a chat with dealer #2 just in case he makes a run for it.
I recognize dealer #2 immediately from the day before as I walk up. A group had come in with a positive fentanyl test and I told them to go back and get the dealer, which turned out to be him. They bring him back to confirm the results (which we do) and after a ranting lecture by me about how fucked off and irresponsible he's being, he agrees to dump the cocaine.
I believed him, which is regrettable in retrospect.
I don't usually let people pull out baggies anywhere NEAR me and dealer #2 had a large rock of fentcoke on the table. I had a queue of a dozen people needing test kits and he's turning red and shaking with anger after seeing the positive results, leading to my belief that he's going to do the right thing and throw it out. I also needed that felony to disappear off of the table immediately so I sent him on his way.
Apparently he decided not to destroy it and was selling it in the Forest as of around 5am Sunday morning. Because of the vigilance of dealer #1, who was out looking for fentanyl samples like a man possessed, we found out.
---
So here we are, 12pm Sunday morning, and dealer #2 is crying his eyes out in front of us. He empties his pockets and turns over his cellphone. He has some drugs but nothing in quantity and zero cocaine. Considering I saw him with it the day before and we have reports that he was selling it a few hours earlier that morning, that fact alone doesn't get him off the hook. He's adamant that he doesn't have any more of it.
At this point I get a couple of calls / texts in a row on my phone... it's one of my connections in security. He's asking me if I have any information about the dealer who has been selling fentanyl and gives me a description of dealer #2 who is sitting right in front of me. Turns out dealer #1, who is standing next to me, gave security a description after he confirmed the positive fentanyl test. They've put out a BOLO for dealer #2 but we managed to find him first.
So here I am, stuck in the middle of this bizarre official / vigilante justice situation. My security connect is telling me via text how much he would love to "bag and tag this asshole" as he's sobbing in front of me. Literally snot running down his face / choking on the water he asked us for.
Again, i'm consoling another fentanyl dealer. What kind of bizarre alternate reality did I slip into?
Let me point out that getting people arrested, under any circumstances (as long as violence is not involved), is not the way we operate. I've never turned anyone over to security or the cops. If I did, people in the culture would cease to trust me / us. The trust I command has been hard-earned over the course of nearly a decade. Turning dealer #2 over to the security (and I'm sure the cops eventually) was not a viable option.
So I decide not to. We go through his phone and grill him in an attempt to track down his supplier with the goal of breaking this distribution chain, at least for the remainder of the event. Dealer #2's phone number was changed the day before (after he was caught the first time) and he has tons of incriminating images and texts, many of which lead to a certain contact in his phone. He denies a connection but it's pretty clear.
Instead, he says he acquired "$750 worth" from a "5-9 black dude with short dreads named G or Jesus" - which sounded like a load of crap to me. He changed his story half way through, pretty obviously to protect the dude in his phone. I'm not believing it but I play along. We go look for this guy briefly, somehow finding people that halfway confirm dealer #2's story, and reluctantly give the new description to security. I'm crossing my fingers that security isn't "stop and frisking" every black dude at the festival at this point... ugh. The last thing we need is for this to turn into some crazy racist thing.
At this point we've been with dealer #2 for quite some time (hour or two) and there are dozens of people needing kits waiting for me. My phone is blowing up. I have to leave.
Apparently he was escorted off the property from there, but I wasn't present to witness it.
Should we have turned him over to security / police in your opinion? I would really like to know.
---
So there you go.
Beyond this crazy nonsense we also received a boatload of reports from the community about other adulterated substances (beyond fentanyl) going around. MANY of them with descriptions of the dealers.
We decided not to act on these tips this time around as some serious thought and consideration needs to happen before we can be comfortable with how the masses will react to recieving this kind of info. We kept pandora's box mostly closed this time around, but it's clear we'll need to crack it wide open in the future.
---
So here's what we learned:

1. We're able to efficiently tap into the community with Bunkbot and this allows us to react to mass adulteration / overdose situations MUCH more quickly and precisely than security & police. It has more value than we originally realized, but it also comes with the SERIOUS danger of crowd mentality taking over.
2. Texting thousands of people (through Bunkbot) with a description of a dealer selling adulterated substances is an iffy proposition at best. Sure, it would certainly work, but people get REALLY ANGRY which could lead to something violent happening. I'm also unsure if we could ever be specific enough with the description that we would be able to avoid false IDs of unrelated people. Gulp.

I feel like we dodged a major bullet by NOT sending out that description and realizing in that moment the overall repurcussions of doing so at all. Angry / scared groups of humans are unpredictable and terrifying.
That being said... Bunkbot certainly struck fear into the hearts of dealerkind, and that has always been the point.
Any thoughts on how we could / should proceed going forward? We need your help and feedback to figure out how to do this safely, efficiently, and with the community's consent.
---
What a ride.
Next up - Camp Bisco.
After that? Gathering of the Juggalos. Yup, really.
Wish us luck - we're going hard until at least the end of September - learning and adapting the whole time.
Your feedback on these matters is paramount to us, so let it loose. We need it to learn and evolve.
---
If you would like to help out at ANY event this summer then shoot us an email at [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])

Hey, I have a list of all the titles of my dreams - If anyone wants to know what happened just comment and I will give a summary:
5 headed Man
Super Fast Boat
Yeet B.C
Vomit shirt
Kill Eli
Find the Money
Connor pukes
Hunting the Hunters
Cock in Boston
Jared Dies
Missing Out
Meatball Murder
Mormon-geddon
KKK at LGC
Trying To Help
Inception
Notorious Omelette
Protesting Trump
Sniping Neimz
Run from Cops
Water Polo
Impossible Rock
Art Dies
Repaying Debts
Scared
House River
Hit The Lotto
Rat Man
Mini Golf Extreme
Aops
3000 Year Nap
Dead Arm
Racing Bella
Cruise Crash
Shower Conflict
Double Waterfall
Chip and Chips
Baby Car
New Year's Eve
MJ in Rice Fields
Chips Again
Snapchat Whorey
Competition?
Anna Dies
Olympic ASSlete
Mall House
Black Snowman
Plant Arm
Sports Band
Ceran Wrap
Cock Blocked
Hide n Go Fuck
J-Lo Scandal
Public Poop
Midget Bowling
Ghost Hunting pt 1
Throw Up Ice
Kanye
Planet Staples
Illegal Fishing
Ghost Hunting pt 2
Catch the Peen
Tyson and Neimz
Trans-dude
Sick Snug
Ginos got Moves
Nuclear Crow
Multiple Balls
Claritan Queer
Bear-ly Alive
Eddy loves Trump
Wet the Field
Perry the Embryo
Old Anders
Creg-Boys
Marty Mcdie
Northway Frogger
Sidewalk Pool
Fazzonespeare
Morph Suit Bonanza
Lambo Lambo
A Series of Unfortunate Revenge
Punch Boat
Boatsplosion
GGraduation
Japanese Shrink
Red Tux
Tight Shirt Boy
Terror at Shaker
Hunger Games
Trans-dude 2
Roller-close-ter
Losito Akbar
Cool Glasses
Killing Slim Jesus
Ominous Hike
Anders the Predator
Really Uncomfortable
Kevin Fiasco
Prom at a Lake
Dublivia
Headphoney
College Follies
get off of me
Carpet Succ
Swearing a lot
Leophile
Tireball
Twin bitches
Dumb Idiot
Date me
Korean Skating
Me and Rob are Fat
Date Me 2
Mary Kate and Ghastly
Cattack
Slow Zombies
HalloweineDate Me 3
Protect the Ders
SNL Diss
Plane Jane
Catcalled
Snakes Among Us
Racist'os
People in Black IV
Bullied
Recal Matter
Water Parked
Puzzling Fuck
Bubble City
Avi Facade
Send Nudes
Wakey Bakey
Pixel Dog Dick
Oh Deer
XO Tour Lif3
Brunk Briver
Happy For Once
Justin Grows Up
Jane Badall
Helipopter
Metallic Taste
RA-less Dan
Creepy Sean
Plants for Hire
Mirror Mirror
Productive
Arnav Visits
Jared's Bean Jar
Chogs Hockey
Rubik's life
Basketball 451
GTA 6
Secret Agent Zen
Garfield Cookies
Son of a Witch
Grabbed by the Balls
Party Gal
Summertime Sadness
Naked Office Hours
Indian Food
Winter Lightning
Pee of innocence
WetDream-ception
Explosive Die-hhrea
A Little Late
Yuck.
Pukepocalypse
Stomp camp
Bool Shooting
Bool Shooting pt 2
M-eye-cah
Putt Putt Slut
Big Sledding
Pajama Drama
Demon TJ
Rosewater and Cyanide
Back Shots
Bi-suck-xual
Gabi
Super Mia
Semen Party
Spongebob Succpants
Trashbag Corpse Bombs
Pooping Suicide
College Purge
Punched
Shit Serve
Dont Cross the Double Yellow Line
Poison Thigh-vy
Joke Final
Indian Power
Homework at the Wheel
Nicky and my Dicky
Only in my Dreams
Board Games
Drive Thru Food
High School pt. 2
Count Nolaf
Horse Soccer
Narnia in Altamont
Cellulite Legs
Bare Necessities
Sibling Assassins
Snap Crackle Pop
Mrs. Roth
Most Life Like Dream
Ghost Ancestor Premonition Battle
Pizza Thief
Sell Guy
Battle of Wits
Stormy Hike
Racist Samantha
If You Know You Know
Guanine/1000
Shoe Many Cooks
Drinking
All Egg Diet
Words With More Than Friends
Side Bitch Envy
Imaginary Money Taker
Harry Slotter
Whorevette
Boob Pillow
Brand-A-Bear
"Smile For Me"
Megging a God
Froze Toes
Ruby Rock
Mad "Mad Man" Man
Olivia's Party
Monster Mash Murder
Not Hungry Games
Letter of Recommend-jection
Genocide Cartridge
MT tank
Poker Face Criminal
Jelly Legs
Randy Randomson
Bubble Basshole
NEMOTODES!
Green Flip Flop
Driveway Ball
Park Your Car, Michael
Pokemon Hoe
"Where Am I, Whats Going On"
Pixelated Succ
Mao Ze-Damn
Ball(s)
Bench and Wench
Clear Pee
Dirty Spatula
Keanu Reeves
Joe is Gay
Mt. Everstripst
Sausage Jaw
Gangster Swinny
Sean -20 lbs
Sardine Apartments
Snoopy Tee, Droopy D
Rafi :(
Backyard Ball
Golden Crane
Sullivan Fight
Matt Magonagan
Sibling Saviors
Me vs four 8 year olds
Pennywise Virus
Idubbbz Murder
Cop Run
No Gluten
Teenage Trends
Hop Off
Selfish Boy
Bon Bon
Hunger Tests
1,2,3 JID
GRE-at job
Show her Shower
The Ferocius Farm
Patriots Concert
Money Madness
Dating a Murderer
50-100 Feet
Amazing Racist
Jack-o'-loser
Pig Gut Wallpaper
With the Roomies Present
Buffalo Hand Boys
Comagasm Jenner
Creek Pizza
Axery Murder
Wet Laptop
Exactly, Exactly
Puke Skywalker
Home-Jerk
Umbrella Watch
I'm a Sick Fuck
Just Why
Crying Over Split Milk
Male Pattern Sadness
Dr. Lipple Popper
Dodgeball King
WWEthereal Being
Mousetropolis
Eat Off
Genocide Avenger
Mountaion Dewd
Butt Leggings
Inverted Mushroom
Foot Dealer
8 Billion Enantiomers
ThoR.I.P.
Dinner and a Hoe
Unrealistic Dream
One Eleventh
S(NL)pace Raiders
Lion on the Couch
Little Brother
Rippedbekah
PHEaperwork
Kat fish
Lagansgiving
Songs of the Day
Umbr- Ella
CrossBar Star
Judefellas
J-Lovengers
Atamont High
Sumo Video
Play-tek
DAoun and Out
Hard Crouton
Wall Skeletons
Perimallter
Debby Ryan
bAndersDad
Memory Class
Back Shots 2: Sex
Charred Wedding
Ink Hands
Chetti Wap
TomInception
Heimy
Disturby
Reed's Disease
Young Kevin
Kelleth Cheesburt
Goddess of Wisdom
SLIT
Roomates With Sarah's Boys
Fatpocalypse
Sequin Money
Red Eyes
He Was Number 1
Wizards of Waverly Face
Quazor
Sri Lankan Death Metal
Pokemon War
Jeremy Superhero
Fucking a TV
11 9/11's
Flaccid Peen.jpeg
BenjElla
To Pimp a Chicken Fry
Orchard Crease
Blood Russian
Battle of the Endives
The Runs
Collect Them Chogs
Rodniverse
League of Sanic
Kickstarter
Vigilanders
Mon Amie
Lvl 100 Boss
Clockwork Rainbow
FUCKWORTH
Death 2
Sydny Prohgram
Robstitution
FBI Co-op
One Arm Man
Nautious Roomie
Ballsack Jorts
Fart Man
ASBrawl
CaCl2 Peddler
Ass Ass Assidy
Gnarly iCarly
Scarptist
Grounded
Connor Connor
Alex
Child Rapist
Pop's Racist
TJ Jr.
Chiral Spiral
Clothesure/Rose
Death by Mouth
Cultimate
YU L T
RubiKarate
Spiki Spago
7 Fishes
Life's a Beach
Abini
Dance Recital Lapdance
Dorito's
Handless Jared
Us vs Them
Cele-been there
Stewie 5'4''-en
Raccoon Stew
Thelp
Dance 'til Your Dead
Beachy Darko
Shit Babysitter
Birthday Sharty
Gassed
Big Dorm Theory
Shirtless Orgo
Princess Miler
Orange Skittle Man
Axe Body Count
T. Dubthony's
Big Cloud Country
A Gay Fish
Left Arm
Fish Salesman
Dr. Motler
$24.50
Crocodile Swintee
Rejected
Rebecca's Brothel
Tessix and Chesteroni
Big Titties
Zillboard
Crazy Sabrick
Metalheads Stick Up a Family
Thomas TahcPansdolfi
Ellavator
Wasp
Say Cheese
Poor Flool
BETA
Disney's Cunt
Sick Fit
Butterllik Falls
Apocalagan
Arranged Miscarriage
Hungry Games
Homophobic Zombie
Criminally Underrated
Running Late
Ania
Class with Kids
Suck off Roulette
Mathlete
Grandpa Graduation
Alien Currency
Liquid Jizz
RIP Benji
Ghost Professor
Brutal Self Defense
Backhampton
College Porn Musical
AJ Hang
Scioccer
Soulsucker
Gimme The Loot
Back Shots 3: French Shotty
Rejected Rugby
Snooki Hangout
Grandma Header
Tickle Monster
Rice Pilaf
Will's Orgy
Ball of Penises
The Perlees
Trumpet Blowers
Joji, Lord Of Souls
Sub Time
CVSTD
Horse Slap
Hop Thruster
Steven King
Shit Cannon
KUWTP
ASBLIV
Muted Jew and the Zooted Crew
Cheeto Legged Crab
Bad Clothes
Dude Pussy
Hairless Trachea
Mamargument
Condom Jelq
Swintech
Fart Nut
Bones
Arunika Junior
3 Year Old Reunion
Mr. Steal Yo Girl
Funk as Druck
Hurricane Helen
Creepotzge
Hot Sauce Mouse
Sharrot
Beard Boy
Kill-a-plegic
Kog'Murder
0 for 4 Suicide
Bernie Sanders Honey
Ecchymosis
The Alkali Method
Ping Pong and Mutilation
Jimmy Neutron Dunk
Taco Bell
(K)anders saved Anders
Leonardo Drowncaprio
Day 96
Rock Paper Scissors Die
NYSSMA
Face Sitting Assault
Katniss Wynnerdeen
Millions of Dice
Erick the Professor
Tentacle Golf
No Sleep
Blockheads and Head
RIP Grandpa
Altamont Rescue Squad
Aspirin Ball
RA Cockblocker
Lamborghini from a Mustang
Argus PanFilch
Juggalo Juggle
Out Like a Light
Brycen Chen-Phorgot
Same Penis
In-truck-cerated
Blob PDA
EMTechnique
ISEC Bridge Collapse
Mixed Lace
Gay Beverage
Japonais
By Ameer Vann
Graphite Arrows
Kickball
Bg Black Truck
Precious Primaries
S(exy)RA
8 Points Off
Peter Hand PDA
House As Big As My Mouth
Robberkah Orr
Car Sink
Duty Phone
Mustang Mishap
Black Aura Monsters
Math Helper
Pend it Back
Estee Therapeutics
Bullet Whip
Rash Boy
Skipping Deodorant
Workifred
Thomas' License
Smiley Face Lawn
Spongebob Art
Errinds
Under the Bench
Wrestling Club
History Of Bathmats
Altaria EX
Twerking 101
5th Century Chinese Politics
Delivery
Ankle Breaker
So Much Drama in the FAS
Crazy & Peele
4.8 Inches
Boat Work
Dub King
Synthol Warriors
Bald Flirting
Mah Jong Robbery
Piped Up
Everthing's Retarded
QR Code
SIan
Asymptotic Zombies
Giants and Triscuits
RA Shenanigans
High Pitch Party
RAmagotchi
Crush
Meechgiving
Headlock
Tattoo Uncles
Death by Fart
Everyone is Dying
Kim Kumshot
Kami Fight
Dog Shitter
Gaff vs. Daff
10 Years
Maine Radio

Hey guys! I found this Cracked.com article interesting and I thought that you guys would too! this is the link to the article, but for those who the link doesn't work for some reason I'll put it here.
5 Creepy-As-Hell Stories Of Real People With No Identity
By Chris Radomile
Today, it's impossible to interact with someone without leaving some sort of record. Whether it's a call record, a Facebook photo tag, or a leaked sex tape, it's all on a hard drive somewhere, and probably will be for eternity, or at least until the robot apocalypse. But despite this incessant note-taking by our future technological overlords, some people have achieved the impossible: They got their faces plastered all over the news (usually in corpse or mugshot form), and we still have no freaking clue who they really were.
Here are five people who managed to leave nothing behind, except a mystery as to their true identity and a whole bunch of baffled reporters, authorities, and dick joke websites.
5: We Know "Cheryl Ann Wick's" Killer's Identity, But Not Hers
In 1991, James McAlphin of El Dorado, Arkansas, pleaded guilty to murder and was sentenced to 15 years in prison, because he's an asshole. The weird thing, though, is that we still have no idea who he killed. Well, to be clear, we know exactly who was murdered -- it was his girlfriend, "Mercedes," a strippeprostitute whom McAlphin pimped for. However, after she was killed, police discovered that Mercedes wasn't her real name -- nor was her "real" name, Cheryl Ann Wick, her real name. Despite the fact that we know who McAlphin murdered (and that he got sentenced for it), we don't know who he murdered.
After she was killed, the coroner issued a death certificate for Cheryl Ann Wick and contacted her parents in Minnesota. This came as quite a shock to them, considering that Cheryl was alive and well in Minneapolis. After getting a good night's sleep to make sure this wasn't some Fight Club-esque gaslighting, the police confirmed that the real Wick was living in Minneapolis and had had her purse stolen a few years earlier, including her ID and birth certificate. Investigators snooped around and found more places the victim had lived and worked under names like Cheryl Kaufman, Shannon Wiley, and Kelly Carr, all of which were equally made up. People she had worked with said that Cheryl had variously claimed to be in witness protection (nope), that her father was in the Mafia, and that she was on the lam after pulling some bank robberies -- because if you're going to create a fake past, it should at least be something badass.
McAlphin claims to know her true identity and that he had met Cheryl's mother and sister, but he ain't saying shit. He refuses to give any information to the police unless they do something for him -- evidently not giving him a life sentence for murder wasn't enough. He's currently back in prison, serving 10 years for domestic battery, because once an asshole, always an asshole.
The case is especially frustrating to police because they have numerous photographs, fingerprints, and DNA from Cheryl, but, like the plot of Lost, the tangled web of identities and lies ultimately leads nowhere. People with any information about Cheryl's true identity are encouraged to contact investigators through a website set up especially for this case (and through our comments section; come on, don't leave us hanging).
4: "Joseph Newton Chandler" Lived With a Stolen Identity for 20 Years
In July of 2002, a man in his 60s named Joseph Newton Chandler was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer and committed suicide a month later. With no will or immediately reachable family members, the state set about distributing his worldly possessions and money -- a task that quickly turned disturbing, but not for the usual reasons.
One of Chandler's friends started by tracking down the references he had listed on his lease, but they all turned out to be fake names and addresses. Next, he hired private investigators to try to find out where Joseph had come from, which led them to a small town in Texas ... where Joseph and his parents had died in a car crash in 1945. Joseph was 8 years old.
Thirty years later, a 41-year-old man claiming to be Joseph Newton Chandler requested a Social Security card in South Dakota, and that's where the trail ends. Identification has been difficult, since Joseph mostly kept to himself, had few friends, and paid his taxes on time (perhaps the creepiest detail yet). Fingerprints are tricky, since he was cremated, and scouring his apartment and books for prints only turned up smudges, as though he was purposely trying to conceal them. Alternatively, he may have just been one of those people who lick their fingers before turning pages. Either way, there was something deeply, deeply wrong with him.
U.S. Marshals have taken up the case, believing that Joseph may have been a violent fugitive. They have contacted family members of fugitives all over the country to collect DNA samples in the hopes that one of them will show a match to Joseph. Without anything else to go on, however, police have speculated that he could be anyone from an escaped Alcatraz inmate to the Zodiac Killer, though we can't conclusively prove that the latter theory wasn't put forth by a certain former presidential candidate in the hopes of taking the heat off him.
3: "Lori Erica Ruff" Faked Her Life to Her Entire Family.
In 2010, in the midst of a difficult divorce, Lori Erica Ruff committed suicide, leaving behind an ex-husband, Blake, and a daughter. Her house was discovered to be a total mess, and as they were cleaning it out, Blake found a lockbox in the back of her closet. Prying it open, he discovered a pile of shredded documents, scribbled notes, and identity papers belonging to a woman named Becky Sue Turner. Oddly enough, Becky had the same face as Lori.
Lori had always been extremely secretive about her past to her husband and in-laws, but they probably just assumed she was a reformed Juggalo or something. Thinking they may have finally revealed who she was, the Ruffs immediately set about trying to find Becky Sue Turner's family -- only to discover that Becky had died in a house fire in 1971, at the age of 2. Little is known about Lori before she requested a birth certificate under Becky's name in 1988, though her notes (and the general WTF-ness of her story) indicate that she may have been in legal trouble. Also, someone who had known her from her early days as Becky said that she claimed to have gotten breast implants and worked as a stripper. In fact, for a while there, it looked like the key to Lori's identity may have been her boobs.
Implants are given individual serial numbers and can be traced back to the doctor who performed the surgery. Unfortunately, Lori had been cremated, leaving the Great Boob Job Caper at a dead end. Fingerprints, DNA samples, and photo recognition turned up nothing, and a team of investigators, including Social Security officials who catch identity fraudsters for a living, have struggled to find any evidence of her before 1988. Her trail is so thoroughly hidden that it is suspected that she hired a professional "identity broker" to assume Becky's name, a service usually reserved for spies and international thieves. Wait. Holy shit, she could've been DB Cooper?
UPDATE, 10/24/16: Eagle-eyed readers have pointed out that The Seattle Times recently ran an investigative report revealing that Lori Ruff was in fact Kimberly McLean, a Philadelphia woman who ran away from home at the age of 18 in 1986. Investigators are still unclear as to why McLean dropped off the grid and assumed a new identity.
2: Lyle Stevik Is an Untraceable Suicide Victim (Despite the Internet's Best Efforts)
In 2001, a man checked into a motel under the name Lyle Stevik, left cash on the nightstand for the room, and (we swear this is the last one where this happens) hanged himself. Police quickly discovered the name and address he had given at the front desk was fake. He had no other identification on him and had failed to tell his entire life story to any of the motel's other patrons, for some reason, so no one knew who he was.
While identifying someone with no identification isn't all that uncommon, police had to deal with the fact that Lyle was apparently the most nondescript person in existence. He had no scars, no tattoos, no tan lines, and he was kinda tall and kinda skinny, which also describes like half of Cracked's staff. Fingerprints, DNA, and dental records turned up nothing (after this article, we wonder why they even bother with that stuff). The autopsy found that he had been perfectly healthy, and his age was pegged as somewhere between 20 and 35. Police weren't even able to accurately determine his race. The only identifying aspect that anybody mentioned was that he had a "slight" Canadian accent, but there are dozens of Canadians in the world, at least.
The trail went cold for our indeterminate possibly Canadian mystery man -- that is, until the internet got wind of it. Taking a break from their dank memes and Nazi frogs, internet detectives combed through the evidence to glean some clues to whom Lyle Stevik really was, latching on to minutia like the attachment of his earlobes or how many oxygen isotopes he had in his body when he died. According to one popular theory, he may be Robert Heintz, a kid who went missing in Ontario in the '80s, though Heintz's sister ain't buying it.
While they haven't been able to figure out who he was yet, the sheer fact that so many people have spent so much time making sure that this mysterious suicide victim isn't lost forever almost makes you forget about the other horrible things that come out of the internet. Almost.
And as we'll see next, sometimes the internet actually delivers ...
1: Benjaman Kyle Was Found in an Alley With Total Amnesia
One morning in 2004, a Burger King employee ambled out to the dumpster to discover a naked man lying on the ground, his body filthy with fire ants. Presumably muttering that she doesn't get paid enough for this shit, the woman discovered that the man was not dead and he was immediately taken to the hospital. When he came to, he was determined to be in good health, apart from his formic accessories. Oh, and he had no fucking clue who he was.
We love telling you all the time about how stupid you are for thinking that movies reflect real life in any way, but in this case, it's straight out of a crappy Fox pilot.
The man had only the tiniest fragments of his former life, remembering time in Denver and Indianapolis, his birthday, and the fact that he was pretty sure his name was Benjaman (with an "a," which sounds like a superhero with all the powers of a Benja). Other than that, he was a ghost. When several attempts to stab him failed to produce any hitherto unknown martial arts skills, doctors were forced to conclude that he wasn't a disavowed government assassin, making Ben a nonetheless fascinating, if somewhat less awesome, mystery.
Ben was shuffled around to different hospitals and shelters, becoming an administrative nightmare since he had no identity, much less insurance. He eventually adopted the name Benjaman Kyle -- or BK, in honor of his ersatz birthplace (we're assuming he started wearing a crown everywhere, too). Ben contacted his senator, who got the FBI involved, but fingerprints, DNA tests, facial recognition software, and searching old federal records turned up ... well, you know the drill.
However, once again demonstrating the immeasurable power of a bunch of people with nothing better to do, the internet came to Ben's rescue. Ben started a Facebook page to try to find his family, which eventually caught the attention of genetic genealogists. People all over the country submitted DNA profiles and family lineages to try to find a match ... and it worked. Eleven years after Ben woke up in a Burger King parking lot, a close relative took a DNA test and confirmed that the two were related, and Ben said that he reunited with his family soon after. He has chosen to keep his true identity a secret, which leads us to believe that he may be a superhero after all.

If you survived last week's Gathering of Juggalos then prepare yourself for the gathering of hummingbirds
All my information comes from VisitIndiana so the list is not 100% comprehensive. If you know of anything that's missing, please post and share with everyone! If you've ever been to any of these events, or if you go this week, please share your experiences
Also be sure to visit the city-specific subreddits
This Week Only
Northwest Indiana

• Crown Point

Lake County Fair - August 2-11 at the Lake County Fairgrounds. Family-oriented annual county fair with more than 30 rides, hundreds of concessions, horse shows, contests, live entertainment and motorsports as well as thousands of exhibits and all types of food!! Enjoy free entertainment performs across two stages nightly with acts ranging from gospel to rock and even doo-wop oldies. Take a gander at the schedule for yourself and slate out the best nights.

• DeMotte

Touch of Dutch Festival and Parade - August 9-10 at Spencer Park. The family-fun event features free live entertainment, craft and food vendors, kid's entertainment, a parade, giveaways, the Rotary Ramble 5K run and fitness walk and so much more!

• Hammond

HENNA Body Art Class - August 5, 1-3pm, at Byway Brewing, 2825 Carlson Dr. Join us in the beer production room THIS Sunday, August 5th from 1-3pm as we learn about the origins of the temporary tattoo, styles among different cultures, and how to apply the henna stain. No experience required. *Must be 21+ Our all natural henna paste is safe for staining hair, skin and fabrics. We suggest you dress comfortably in clothes that won't be ruined by a possible spots of henna. For those that do not want the natural temporary stain, white henna will also be available. Reserve your spot ASAP: https://skincolourpro.eventbrite.com

WHAM Ride - August 10 at The Pav, 2324 Calumet Ave. Mayor Thomas M. McDermott, Jr. and the Hammond Port Authority are proud to announce the return of the WHAM After Midnight Bike Ride. Bring out your 2-wheelers, tricycles, or unicycles and enjoy a ride through Hammond, Whiting, Highland, and Munster's beautiful neighborhood bike paths and city streets. WHAM is scheduled to roll on Saturday, August 10th into Sunday, August 11th. Register online at www.active.com or in person at the Hammond Marina. Riders will enjoy a 30-mile-long, or 10-mile-short scenic route. The ride begins and ends at Hammond's iconic Wolf Lake Pavilion. Ride along the majestic shores of Lake Michigan, and enjoy the tranquility of both Wolf and George Lake in Hammond. See firsthand, Hammond, Whiting, Munster, and Highland's spectacular parks and neighborhoods, ride through historic Downtown Whiting and Hammond, and pass Oil City Stadium, home of the Northwest Indiana Oilmen. Adventurers taking the long route will enjoy a rest stop at Cabela's in Hammond, the World's Foremost Outfitter, before they meander through Wicker Park and Munster's beautiful neighborhoods.

• Idaville

Idaville Truck and Tractor Pull - August 10 at the Idaville Volunteer Fire Department. A family event full of fun and excitement with hard working and determined truck & tractor pullers.

• Logansport

Taste of Cass County - August 10, 5-1130pm, at Downtown Logansport, 4th and Market Sts. Food, fun and music highlight this festival in downtown Logansport! Sample food and drink from local eateries. Live music, a kids corner and fun for the entire family.

• Michigan City

Michigan City Chamber Music Festival - August 3,5,7,9,11 at First Presbyterian Church, 9th and Washington St. Music for all ages. Performances feature Emmy, Grammy and Gramophone Magazine Award-Winning Soloists from Across the Nation. Aug 3 & 9 at 7:30pm Aug 5 & 7 at 7pm Aug 11 at 3pm

• South Bend

Pokagon Festival - August 10, 12-4pm, at The History Museum, 808 West Washington St. In celebration of the exhibit Keepers of the Fire: The Pokagon Band of Potawatomi, The History Museum is presenting the Pokagon Festival in the museum’s Historic Oliver Gardens on Saturday, August 10. View the exhibit and experience the arts, culture, dance, and food of the Pokagon Band of Potawatomi. Free with admission to the exhibit ($10/general; $8.50/senior; $6/youth; free/5 and under).

Northeast Indiana

• Angola

Park-inn Movies: Beauty and the Beast (Animated) - August 8, 930-1130pm, at Potawatomi Inn. Bring your blanket or lawn chair to the lawn overlooking Lake James. Admission is free to Inn Guests, Campground Guests and with paid admission to Pokagon State Park. (Weather Permitting).

• Auburn

Girls Night Out Shop.Sip.Taste - August 8, 5-8pm, at Downtown Auburn. HURRY DOWNTOWN... It's a Girls Night Out you won't want to miss! Exclusive late nights in AUBURN at Local Shops, Boutiques, Businesses & Eateries. Sales, specials, prizes, refreshments and fun happenings! Downtown shops are OPEN LATE the second Thursday of every other month: 5 - 8 pm.

• Fort Wayne

Opening Reception: On Being: Realism and the BGSU School of Art - August 9, 5-8pm, at Artlink Contemporary Gallery. This exhibition is on view until September 13, 2019. Realism, like nature, persists. All visual art is based in the observed. Each of these artists is attempting to make realism new, a way to discover the purposes of the image. All of the artists represented seek to find balance inside of the quiet place that realism occupies while acknowledging its historical, social, political, and cultural contexts.

• LaGrange

Northeast Steam & Gas Show - August 8-10 at the LaGrange County 4H Fairgrounds. This years event will be featuring Lesser Known Classics & Doodlebugs! Steam Engines, Antique Tractors, Gas Engines, Antique Farm Machinery, Sawmills, Arts & Crafts, Large Flea Market, Trading Post, Camping, Food and More! Activities Include: Wheat Threshing, Plowing with Steam Engines,125 HP Erie Steam Engine operating a sawmill, Ferguson (FENA Display Area, On Friday and Saturday evening will have the Parade of Tractors & Engines and Live Music. Saturday will be the Ladies Program and Antique Tractor Pull.

• Shipshewana

Michael Booth - August 6, 7-830pm, at the Blue Gate Theatre. Showtime: 7:00pm | Doors Open: 6:30pm Prices: Tickets Only - $19.95 | Dinner and Theater - $37.95

Collingsworth Family - August 7-10 at the Blue Gate Theatre. Showtimes: Wed 7pm, Thu 1pm, Fri 7pm, Sat 1pm | Doors: 30 min prior Prices: Tickets Only - $49.95 | Dinner and Theater - $67.95

Brian Regan - August 8, 8-10pm, at the Shipshewana Event Center. Doors Open: 7:00pm Prices: Tickets Only - $38.95 -$44.95 -$44.95 -$54.95 | Dinner and Theater - $56.95 -$62.95 -$62.95 -$72.95

• Warsaw

Gypsy Soul Vintage Market - August 9-10 at Kosciusko County Fairgrounds. We are gathering some of the best vendors around to join us for a 2 day market at the Kosciusko County Fairgrounds. Vendors in the areas of vintage home & garden, bohemian, antiques, farmhouse, gypsy couture, boutique owners, unique handcrafted goods, primitives, rustic, whimsical salvage, gourmet treats, eclectic & healing arts, barn finds, junk art, food trucks and so much more! More info coming soon! Gypsy Soul Vintage Market- Warsaw Friday, August 9, 3-8pm Saturday, August 10, 10am-4pm

Central Indiana

• Connersville

Hummingbird Migration Celebration - August 10, 9am-4pm, at the Mary Gray Bird Sanctuary. The Indiana Audubon Society is hosting the Hummingbird Migration Celebration at its 700 acre Mary Gray Bird Sanctuary. The Ruby-throated Hummingbird is the star of the show as visitors can witness the birds up close as they are banded in order to study their lives as they reside and migrate to and from Indiana. Over 600 of these flying gems were banded at Mary Gray in 2018! Other songbirds will be banded as well so visitors can see them up close and discover subtle characteristics of their plumage and learn details of their lives. Live birds of prey will be a part of the program as well as turtle research and speakers on related nature topics throughout the day. Live music and vendors will also be sharing their talents. The local 4-H group will be hosting refreshments. Come and see the lovely sanctuary. Hike a trail on your own or with a guide. Early bird tickets are available online for $10 (under 18 free). Free parking and shuttle service is provided. Tickets are $15 after August 1st. See the full program at: https://hummingbirds.indianaaudubon.org

• Indianapolis

Indiana State Fair - August 2-18 at the Indiana State Fairgrounds. The Indiana State Fair returns every Aug. to celebrate youth, agriculture and education in a fun and entertaining experience.

Art War for Wolves - August 8, 7-11pm, at Black Acre Brewing Company, 5632 E Washington St. What is our weapon of choice in the War for Wolves? A paintbrush! Come watch three artists compete head-to-head in a race against the clock, with an ice cold pint from Black Acre in hand! Join us at 7:00 pm in the heart of Indianapolis to support Wolf Park, enjoy an eclectic selection of beer and food, have a front row seat to the art war, and spread awareness of wild canines! We are proud to host our first event in downtown Indianapolis to welcome a new crowd of animal lovers, beer sommeliers, and art experts to learn about Wolf Park and enjoy the festivities! Black Acre Brewing Co. 5632 E. Washington Street Indianapolis, IN 46219 $5 Advance $10 Door 7:00 pm on Thursday, August 8th, 2019 Guests must be 21+ to enter

• Lafayette

Mosey Down Main Street - August 10 at Downtown Lafayette. Live entertainment, food, family-friendly, free event introducing the sights, sounds, venues and merchants of downtown Lafayette. Mosey Down Main Street is a series of street celebrations brought to you by the local artistic community. Volunteers, downtown business owners, artists and musicians come together once a month from May through September to offer a free family friendly event that takes place right down the center of Main Street With three stages of music, outdoor food, beer, and wine sales as well as street performers, sidewalk chalk, crafters, vendors, drum circles, DJ's, belly dancers, and balloon animals.

• Martinsville

Giants Live North American Open - August 10, 12-5pm, at Courthouse Square. See world class Strongman competitors in a small town setting as they vie for a spot at the 2020 World's Strongest Man competition. Main Street, Martinsville will be shut down for the afternoon as these athletes compete in five different events. This is the ONLY North American event that qualifies competitors for the world event. This year's competitors will be from the USA, Canada, Great Britain and Australia. This event is FREE to attend and all ages are welcome. There will be a meet and greet opportunity with competitors following the event at Fables and Fairy Tales Book Shop on Main Street.

The Woomblies Rock Orchestra - August 10, 5-9pm, at Cedar Creek Winery. Cedar Creek is Indiana's only single location winery, brewery and distillery - all family owned and operated, just three miles from downtown Martinsville! On August 10th, regional favorites Tastes Like Chicken take the stage at 5 pm, followed by the always amazing Woomblies Rock Orchestra at 7 pm.

• Mooresville

Bicentennial Park Summer Concert: Main Street Band - August 10, 7-9pm, at Bicentennial Park. The Mooresville Park District will again host the free 2019 Citzens Bank Summer Concert Series at Bicentennial Park in downtown Mooresville! Located at the corner of Indiana and Main Streets, the park is convenient to local restaurants to enjoy before the show. The popular Martinsville based Main Street Band will take the stage on August 10. Live music begins at 7 pm; bring your lawn chairs or blankets. Free.

• Redkey

Redkey Gas Boom Days Festival - August 10, 10am-8pm, throughout Redkey. Redkey Gas Boom Days Festival Will be Saturday, August 10th -- Parade at 11 AM, Corn hole tournament at 3 PM, gospel concert from 1-3 PM, Live Band from 4-7 PM, variety of vendors, 50/50 raffle, Redkey Merchants' Silent Auction, Games and much, much more!

Southern Indiana

• Bloomington

LUCINDA WILLIAMS and her band BUICK 6 - August 10, 8pm, at Buskirk-Chumley Theater. In celebration of the 20th anniversary of her highly-influential masterpiece, Car Wheels On A Gravel Road, three-time Grammy award winner Lucinda Williams will perform the album in its entirety, followed by a second set of songs from throughout her remarkable career. The influence of Car Wheels On A Gravel Road is immeasurable, and it is considered one of the cornerstones of what is now called Americana. Following its release, the record was named Best Album of 1998 in the Village Voice’s annual “Pazz & Jop” critics poll and received a 4-star review in Rolling Stone, while garnering critical praise throughout the press. The album went on to win the Grammy for Best Contemporary Folk Album and Rolling Stone has ranked it #304 on their list of the “500 Greatest Albums of All Time”. In a long and celebrated career, Lucinda Williams’ art is as genuine and soulful as when she began writing, and there’s no signs of her slowing down any time soon.

• Corydon

Sunday Concert Series: Melody Resurrection - August 11, 130-530pm, at Turtle Run Winery. With Andrea Overton leading the vocals, this band is ready to really rock it this year. Melody Resurrection resurrects melodies from the 60's to today, from the Beatles, Stones, the Doors to Maroon 5 , Toto and many others. Should be highly entertaining.

• Lincoln City

Ben & Noel Haggard w/ special guest Abigail Rose - August 10, 630pm, at Lincoln Amphitheatre. Ben Haggard. For fans of his late, legendary father, country music great Merle Haggard, his youngest son Ben is no Stranger – in fact, he’s been the lead guitarist in Hag’s longtime band of the same name for the past eight years, since he was 15 years old, fitting in easily with veterans like musical director Norm Hamlet and Scott Joss. Noel Haggard. Growing up the son of a man who has defined country music's possibilities, Noel Haggard has enough life experiences to more than completely inhabit the things he sings about...and does it with the same natural phrasing and richly sonorous baritone that one would expect from someone with such a loaded last name. Abigail Rose. Born and raised in the small town of Pendleton Indiana, Abigail Rose is an 18-year-old Hoosier girl, and have been a musician her entire life. Her father, who is a music industry veteran, is producing her soon-to-be released debut album featuring original songs by her and co writers Fred Koller, Antoinette Olesen, and Melissa Jay. She has also covered classics by John Sebastian, Ray Davies, Roger McGuinn and Elliott Murphy. Special thanks to the guys in the John Mellencamp band and Carlene Carter for helping out.

• Madison

Park-inn Movies: Jaws - August 10, 930-1130pm, at Clifty Inn. Bring your blanket to the lawn overlooking the Ohio River (behind Clifty Inn). Admission is free to Inn Guests, Campground Guests and with paid admission to Clifty Falls State Park. (Weather Permitting).

• Nashville

Women's Live Adventurously Weekend - August 9-11, 8am-5pm. Think about going to a conference and choosing which speakers you want to listen to, only here choosing what workshop you want to be part of or if you want to take a hike, bike ride, yoga class or learn about wilderness medicine! We hope you will join us for this awesome outdoor summit! The weekend will take place in various locations in Brown County, Indiana.

• Tell City

Schweizer Festival - August 7-10, 8am-1130pm, at City Hall Park. Schweizer Fest has become a well-known, community-wide celebration, offering free entertainment and activities for people of all ages. It is now one of Indiana's longest running community festivals. The cooperative efforts of many civic groups, clubs, organizations, and businesses make Schweizer Fest a grand success. Enjoy a beer and wine garden, live music, vendor booths, rides and much more!

• West Baden

Wine Pairings - August 9, 8pm, at West Baden Springs Hotel. Experience wine tasting at West Baden Springs Hotel paired with five courses of a variety of hors d'oeuvres. The event includes American and European wine presentations by our house wine expert highlighting a different imported or domestic varietal with each pairing. Our atrium is the ultimate wine tasting room!

ONGOING EVENTS
Northwest Indiana

• Chesterton

Chesterton's European Market - Saturdays May through October at Third St and Broadway, Downtown Chesterton. An outdoor family/artisanal market held in historic downtown Chesterton from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

• Gary

Gary Southshore Railcats at U.S. Steel Yard - Various days at US Steel Yard. A day at U.S. Steel yard is non-stop fun, and that's even without the baseball! The RailCats promise a wide array of laugh-out-loud between inning entertainment, great giveaways , jaw-dropping fireworks and a family-first, kid-friendly atmosphere!

Miller Woods Hike Sundays - Every Sunday at Miller Woods. The hike starts at the National Lakeshore's Paul H. Douglas Center and travels through varied habitats including rare and beautiful black oak savanna and offers incredible views of Lake Michigan and Chicago. Wear sturdy shoes and bring water and insect repellent. This hike is offered every Sunday from 1:30 to 3:30pm.

• Hammond

61: An Exhibit Celebrating the 61st National Park - July 2 - Sep 21 at the Indiana Welcome Center, 7770 Corinne Dr. The 6,500-square-foot exhibit hall will be transformed to represent the 15,000 acres of diverse landscapes and highlight activities available to those that visit the park system. The exhibit will feature 12 trail stops. There will be interactive exhibits for children along the trail, selfie stations and a large “sandbox” for building sandcastles. Visitors will also have the opportunity to learn about the 1,100 native plant species, rare and migrating birds, as well as recreational opportunities like camping, hiking, kayaking and cross-country skiing. Interactive activities will also give children a chance to become a Junior Ranger!

• Hobart

Summer Market on the Lake - Thursdays through the end of August at Festival Park, 111 E Old Ridge Road. Come enjoy outdoor shopping featuring fresh produce, baked goods, ethnic and gourmet foods, beer garden, local live entertainment, jewelry, handmade crafts and so much more.

• LaPorte

LaPorte Farmer's Market - Saturdays July through the end of October at Monroe St and Lincoln Way. The LaPorte Farmer's Market strives to build and strengthen the local food movement in LaPorte by showcasing our region's bounty and economic opportunities locally.

• Logansport

Summer Sundown Music Series - Sundays May through August. Bring the lawn chairs or blankets and enjoy Sunday evenings listening to a different musical artist each week. Each Sunday evening you will find yourself at a different park with new musical artist. Check online to see where and who will be appearing!

• Michigan City

Michigan City Municipal Band Concerts - Thursdays in June, July, and August, at the Washington Park Guy Foreman Amphitheater. Experience free live musical performances under the stars near the shores of Lake Michigan in Washington Park. Seating available or bring your own chair. June-August, Thursdays 7:30pm.

Michigan City's Farmers Markets - Saturdays July - October at 801 S Washington St. and 1500 Franklin St. Saturdays through October 26th, 2019. Michigan City's Farmers Market aims to provide our community with the freshest produce, providing a space filled with locally grown food and artisan goods

• Plymouth

Mayor's Month of Music - Fridays in August, 7-10pm, at River Park Square. You can grab some food from your favorite Downtown Restaurant or visit one of the many food trucks that will be in River Park Square. Firebrick Road Pizza, Chubby Buddies BBQ, Pig n Pen Tenderloins, Ben's Pretzels, Sally's By The Shore, and Bailey’s Sweet Kettle Corn and Lemon Shake ups will be there! Bring your lawn chairs or a blanket to sit on, sit back and enjoy a wonderful evening. August 2: Magic Bus, August 9: Cornfield Mafia, August 16: PS Dump Your Boyfriend, August 23: Grace Affeltranger, August 30: Out Of Favor Boys

• Portage

Market on the Square - Fridays June through August, 3-9pm, at Founders Square. There will be over 20 vendors selling unique crafts, fresh produce, honey, flowers, breads and jams. Plus local food vendors selling food. Bands from the region will begin at 6. Then to top off the evening we will have a family movie at dusk.

• South Bend

Keepers of the Fire: The Pokagon Band of Potawatomi - April 2019 to January 2020 at The History Museum. The rich history, culture, and art of the Pokagon Band of Potawatomi is shared in this vibrant exhibit about the thriving community. Through interviews and oral histories, sculpture and beadwork, art and artifacts, the exhibit immerses visitors in the traditions and teachings of the Pokagon Band.

South Bend Cubs at Four Winds Field - Various days at Four Winds Field. The South Bend Cubs are the Class A minor league affiliate of the World Series Champion Chicago Cubs. Over the past 30 seasons, the team has won five Midwest League titles and has captured 12 division titles. In 2015 the team was named Ballpark Digest's Team of the Year and received the John H. Johnson President's Award, the highest award in minor league baseball.

The Dinner Detective Murder Mystery Show - May 4th 2019 to May 2nd 2020, 6-9pm, at the DoubleTree by Hilton. America’s largest interactive murder mystery dinner show! The Dinner Detective provides a hilarious evening of murder mystery, a 4-course meal, and a prize package for the top sleuth. Just beware, the killer might be sitting right next to you!

Northeast Indiana

• Fort Wayne

Fort Wayne TinCaps at Parkview Field - Various days at Parkview Field. The TinCaps are entering their 10th season at Parkview Field, which has been rated as Minor League Baseball's No. 1 Ballpark Experience four consecutive years.

• Middlebury

Faces of Middlebury - May 17th to October 4th throughout Middlebury. Grab your cameras and the map to locate each “face of Middlebury” and insert your face for the perfect picture. Free maps are available at local businesses and organizations. Post your pics on Middlebury Then & Now’s Facebook page or on Instagram using #facesofmiddlebury. Can you find all of them, up to 30 "faces"?

Gangsters, Saloons and Buggies on Roofs Guided Tour - May 29th to September 25th at the Downtown Middlebury library. You wouldn't know Middlebury had a rough-and-tumble past, but behind today's modern facades lie tales of small-town mischief, hoods on the lam and possible mysterious passageways. Get the inside story and secrets from a local with this tour of downtown. Tours are offered at 10am every Wednesday and at 630pm the first Tuesday of each month. Walking tour is approximately 1 hour. Allow time after the tour to visit the unique shops and restaurants in the area. $5 Group tours are available by advanced reservation (call 574.825.5601)

Giant Toadstools and the World's Fair Guided Walking Tour - May 30th to September 26th at the Krider World's Fair Garden. Enjoy a guided tour through living history! The Krider family of Middlebury once captured the imagination of the world. This tour of the garden that bears their name opens a window to the family's nursery at the height of its creative powers. The beauty will take your breath away, just as it did at the Chicago World's Fair in 1933. Tours are offered at 10am every Thursday and at 630pm the first Tuesday of each month. Walking tour is approximately 1 hour. Allow time after the tour to visit the museum, unique shops and restaurants in the area. $5 Group tours are available by advanced reservation (call 574.825.5601)

• Shipshewanna

A Simple Sanctuary, the new musical - March 28th to October 31st at the Blue Gate Theatre. She prayed the day would never come, but when her past comes calling, Melissa James has no choice but to flee. Pursued and living on the run, she finds desperate sanctuary and surprising friendship in Amish country. Part suspense, part romance, A Simple Sanctuary is a compelling story of love tested, the cost of freedom, and the solace found in true community.

Shipshewana Flea Market - Tuesdays and Wednesdays from May through September, 8am-4pm, at the Shipshewana Auction. Nearly 700 open-air booths on 40 acres await you at the Midwest’s Largest Flea Market. Food courts, restrooms, scooter rentals and rest areas are on site. Open rain or shine. Also open for Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, and new weekend markets on August 16-17 (MotheDaughter Days). Antique Auctions are every Wednesday inside the Antique & Miscellaneous building.

Shipshewana Breakfast Club - Fridays in July and August, 830-1100am, at the Blue Gate Theatre. Breakfast: 8:30am | Program: 10:00am Price: $26.00 - Includes Breakfast and Show These concerts will be held at the Blue Gate Theatre July 12 - Lynda Randle July 19 - Allison Speer July 26 - The Taylors Aug 2 - King's Brass Aug 9 - Doug Anderson Aug 16 - Old Time Preacher's Quartet Aug 23 - Soul'd Out Quartet Aug 30 - TBA

Shipshewana's Majestic Frontier - August 2-24, 12-10pm, at The Michiana Event Center. Frontier is 90 minutes of gunslinging, riding, roping, action packed excitement featuring real life Cowboys and Cowgirls, ranch hands, folk dancing saloon girls, western singers, amazing trick ropers, a roman riding team comprised of six draft horses, trick and fancy riding, real Texas Longhorns, cowboys riding actual cows, comedy and so much more! One of the most exciting shows Shipshewana has ever seen! Dinner: Authentic Chuck Wagon BBQ meal! Pulled Pork, Cowboy Beans, Scalloped potatoes, Green Beans, Garlic Biscuit. Drinks: Tea & Lemonade. Dessert: Cherry cobbler & Vanilla Ice Cream

Central Indiana

• Fishers

Kroger Symphony on the Prairie - Saturdays and Sundays at Conner Prairie. The Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra's summer series provides music from classical, pop, and rock genres from mid-June through Labor Day weekend. See performance schedule online indianapolissymphony.org

• Indianapolis

Treasures of Ancient Greece exhibit - Jun 15 to Jan 5 at The Childrens Museum of Indianapolis. This once-in-a-lifetime immersive exhibition brings to Indianapolis more than 150 ancient objects and artifacts, many of which have never been seen outside of Greece. The ancient Greeks revered the human body, and many of the depictions are nude. Featured are bronze and marble statues, gold jewelry and funerary objects, exquisite pottery, artifacts of the world’s first democracy, and an extraordinary replica of the Antikythera Mechanism, known as the world’s first computer.

Mind Tripping Show - March 1st to December 28th, 8:30-10PM at the Hilton Indianapolis Hotel and Suites. Mind Tripping: a Comedy with a Psychological Twist is an interactive show by Christian & Katalina, the #1 Husband and Wife Comedy Mind Reading Act in the Nation. Be a part of a mind-bending, reality-twisting interactive theatrical show. Think Candid Camera meets the Twilight Zone. Be prepared to have your perceptions challenged and your expectations turned upside down

Naturally Inspired Art Exhibition - May 24th to August 21st at The Indianapolis Zoo. After the paintings have dried and been professionally framed by The Great Frame Up Downtown, they are displayed for the summer in the Schaefer Rotunda at White River Gardens. Plus, you also get to enjoy the works of some of our more artistically inclined animals. Who knows — you may see a penguin Picasso, a walrus Warhol, an elephant Escher and many others! The Naturally Inspired Art Show presented by The Great Frame Up Downtown is included with Zoo admission.

The National Bank of Indianapolis Summer Nights Film Series - Various days June-August, at The Amphitheater. You can watch movies under the stars every weekend at Newfields. Doors open at 7 pm, when you can enjoy a picnic dinner, music, and activities, followed by that night’s movie, which will begin when twilight turns to night (usually 9:30 pm). Over the summer, over 20 movies will be shown—everything from black-and-white classics to modern blockbusters. All you need is a picnic (with non-alcoholic beverages only), chairs (for the back row of each tier), and blankets (in case the chair row is full). You will also want sunscreen and bugspray. No alcohol, pets, candles taller than 12 inches, or knives permitted. And if you want to travel light with just a chair and blanket, concessions will be available to purchase. Check out discovernewfields.org/summer-nights-2019 to see available films and to purchase tickets once they are available.

The Generous Pour at The Capital Grille, July 8 - Sep 1, 5-9pm, at 40 W. Washington Street. The Capital Grille’s annual The Generous Pour wine event has returned for its eleventh year. This year’s theme is Legends of the Land, where guests can sip on any combination of seven select wines including the Maggy Hawk 2015 Pinot Noir, the 2015 Cenyth Red Blend, and the Arrowood 2013 Red Blend. Each is from California’s Jackson Family that tell a unique story of origin and sustainability. From July 8th through September 1, 2019, guests are offered a customized wine tasting paired with the restaurant’s classic menu items, including hand-carved steaks and fresh seafood and appetizers with a flavorful twist for $28 per person with dinner.

• Kokomo

First Friday Kokomo - First Friday of every month, 530-9pm, at Downtown Kokomo. Activities include art, music, food, local vendors, shops, entertainment, kid's activities & much more! Visit their Facebook page for monthly themes and schedule of all activities!

Kokomo Jackrabbits at Kokomo Municipal Stadium - Various days at the Kokomo Municipal Stadium. Enjoy a day at the ballpark! The Kokomo Jackrabbits baseball team are members of the summer collegiate Prospect League. Games are held late May through early August and feature fun themes and giveaways. Lawn and stadium seating available, starting at $8.

• Richmond

Summer Story Hour - Mondays, 10-11am, at the Physical Building of the Joseph Moore Museum. Join us each Monday in June and July at 10am for a special hour of stories! Each week will feature a different book about nature or science with a corresponding craft or activity. All ages are welcome and stories are chosen particularly for children in preschool - first grade.

• Westfield

Indianapolis Colts 2019 Training Camp - July 25 - Aug 15 at the Grand Park Sports Campus. Join us at the Indianapolis Colts 2019 Training Camp! Every day you can enjoy watching practice, giveaways, food & drink specials, interactive games, and more. Download your free tickets at www.colts.com/camp.

Movies in the Park - August 9, 16, and 23, 8-1130pm, at Asa Bales Park. Come out this summer with your family and friends to enjoy a free, relaxing evening under the stars to watch a good movie with good company! Movies will begin right after sunset, so start times will vary. We encourage you to bring blankets, chairs, snacks and flashlights! Parking will be available at Westfield High School, across the street from the Asa Bales Park. Make sure to get some Kona Ice or FREE popcorn too! *In the case of inclement weather, we will move the event inside just down the road to NSPIRE Church (18097 Sun Park Dr, Westfield, IN 46074)

Southern Indiana

• Birdseye

Wildlife Cruises on Patoka Lake - Wednesdays May through October at the Patoka Lake Marina. Not just a boat ride: cruise the second largest lake in Indiana upon a climate controlled tour boat to search for osprey, eagles, blue herons, loons and other wildlife. Two hour cruises embark EVERY WEDNESDAY at 10am beginning in May and continuing through October. Voyagers are encouraged to capture on camera baby osprey in their nests, an eagle in flight, and busy beavers as the boat passes by.

Wine Cruises on Patoka Lake - Every other Friday starting June 7th, 730-930pm, at the Patoka Lake Marina. Sip wine paired with hors d'oeuvres/desserts while enjoying the sunset on Patoka Lake on our 60 person tour boat! Enjoy 5-7 tastings of wine from a featured Indiana winery, and choose 2 glasses of your favorite to enjoy after the tasting portion. Bottles of wine available for purchase as well as additional glasses. Call (812) 685-2203 to reserve your spot today! Only $50/person or $98/couple. Visit our website to view the winery lineup.

• Clarksville

Shrek the Musical - July 3rd - Aug 18th, 6-10pm, at the Derby Dinner Playhouse. Somebody once told me everyone’s favorite ogre is back in the hilarious and twisted adventure based on the Oscar-winning smash hit film. Follow this unlikely green hero on a life-changing journey full of romance and dozens of zany misfit characters. The perfect show for any age! Ticket price includes dinner, show, tax & parking. AAA discount available.

• Evansville

Evansville Otters at Bosse Field - Various days at Bosse Field. Locally owned and a member of the Frontier League, the Otters are the darlings of summer. Great ball play combined with fun promotions throughout the game guarantee an evening of fun family entertainment. To top it off, the games are played at Bosse Field, a stadium built in 1915 and the site of the filming of "A League of Their Own" in 1992. Come watch our Boys of Summer from May through August!

• Floyds Knobs

Floyds Knobs Farmers Market - Saturdays May through October at 400 Block Laffollette Station. Floyds Knobs Farmers Market Opening May 11 - October 26 Every Saturday from 8:30 am to 1 pm. Were an Indiana Grown Market and host a variety of Great Events throughout Season.

• French Lick

The Art of the Monon - April 1st to August 31st, 10am-4pm at the French Lick West Baden Museum. The Monon was Indiana’s railroad and touched every town in Orange County. See the Monon paintings of renowned railroad artist Howard Fogg and other rare Monon items.

• Huntingburg

Dubois County Bombers at League Stadium - Various days at the League Stadium. League Stadium was home to the Rockford Peaches in the hit movie A League of Their Own. The vintage signage, scoreboard, and atmosphere remain. The Bombers play in vintage-inspired uniforms - pants are knickered, stirrups are worn. The crack of a wood bat against a baseball resounds through the stadium. You may hear Who’s on First over the audio. We even have our own Peaches at the games keeping everything in the stadium rolling, while our coaches and players keep it exciting on the field.

• Rising Sun

Rock on Rising Sun - April 10th to September 30th on Main Street. Search and re-hide painted rocks hidden within the City of Rising Sun city limits. Spearheaded by a local resident, thousands of rocks are painted throughout the season for kids of all ages to find and re-hide. Participants are encouraged to paint their own creations and hide within the city limits. Photos of found rocks are asked to be uploaded to the Rock on Rising Sun

I don't normally self-post to bitch, but I thought last night's adventure would be appreciated by you guys:
Armslist is usually my default starting point for any gun-related searches; it's free, pretty well-populated, and there's a high turnover rate on the posts. I've bought and sold some pretty good stuff on there, no hassle at all. I'm continually looking for Lee-Enfields, and there have been some screaming deals to be had from guys that just didn't know or care what they had, and posted it up online.
I've got a rolling "Want to Buy" for Enfield stuff that I renew periodically, and I get a fair amount of response from it. Yesterday, my inbox lights up with a poorly-spelled ad for a "Enfielde with bayonette". The description looked familiar, and it turned out to be a 1943 Longbranch No. 4 Mk. I * that was up for sale in my area . A little back-and-forth revealed the following:

• bayonet came with scabbard and frog
• The gun has been shot, and of course it's very accurate and never locks up (of course).
• All the serial numbers match
• He's GOT to sell this gun
• He'll throw in 25 "shells"
• He's local to me, living about twenty minutes away

So we agree to meet in the parking lot of a Gander Mountain after work, and I'm there at 5:30 with a pocket full of cash. Any numbers-matching Enfield that's not a pile of shit is worth $300, and I've stumbled across some great $300 guns before. He tells me his name is "Buck" and he'll be there.
....and the plot thickens.
5:45 rolls around, Buck's fuckin' late. I give him a text, he promises to be there soon. Sure enough, about ten minutes later the red Chevy Blazer he described comes rolling up, but it's thumping god-awful rap and the windows are buzzing in time with the bass. A faint whiff of shitty weed comes wafting out of the windows, and three guys jump out, sporting clown tattoos and Psychopathic Records gear. At this point, I recognize the music for what it is: Insane Clown Posse.
....that's right. Buck is a fucking Juggalo. Buck the Juggalo. Juggalo Buck.
At this point, I'm Han-Soloing the the shit out of the situation, because I've got bad feelings about this whole deal. I squash them, shake hands, and they haul out this Longbranch to take a look at. Right off, it's filthy, the bolt doesn't match the action, neither match the barrel, and the magazine (marked Savage actually) had no number at all. The butt's been spliced and repaired a few times, but butt-plate is missing it's trap door, and I see a little bit of wear in the chamber, along with a big "2" on the bolt head, meaning that this gun's been shot a lot.
At this point, I find out which one Juggalo Buck is, a scraggly little blonde dude standing off to the side. NOT the guy that shook hands with me and hauled the gun out....he comes up and tells me "yea I've shot it a few times but never cleaned it." No shit, Buck, thinks I. I tell them right there that this gun is non-matching and a little beat. I can't do more than $200. Buck agrees, but first I tell him I have to check the bore. Thank God I did, because it was blacker and more pitted than Satan's taint. Fouling pretty much obscured the grooves, but I could see substantial pitting on the lands of the rifling. I look up and ask him if he was shooting corrosive ammo, or cleaned this gun EVER.
Juggalo Buck produces a ziploc bag of ammunition. Sure as shit, it's Pakistani surplus, very corrosive stuff. After I inform him that his bore is toast, he says "well, can't you just scrub it out or something?" I briefly explained how rust and corrosion work, and told him that as the gun sat it would be a parts gun for me, and my offer had dropped to $125. I was secretly hoping he'd just walk away.
....and this is where I found out that I was flirting with a felony.
Juggalo Buck's face falls and he's all "Man, my mom will KILL me if I take $125 for this..." My head cocks, I ask him just how old he is. "Seventeen", his reply.
In Ohio, selling a gun to a minor is a 5th degree felony. Buying from a minor has to be just as illegal, if not more. At this point I throw up my hands and say "I can't buy a gun from a minor, sorry man. Gotta go.", and they apologetically load up their shit and thump on out of the parking lot. Had the sale actually gone through, I'd have asked to see ID before the money changed hands like always and balked then.
I sent him a text a little later giving my assessment of his gun, what he could do to clean it up, and linked him to a few youtube videos and write-ups for dis-assembly, along with a warning that he should probably have someone 18+ sell the gun for him. He was polite and appreciative.
All's well that ends well, I suppose. Now I'm off to go grab some Faygo Moon Mist....
TL;DR- Almost bought a rusty Lee-Enfield from an underage Juggalo named Buck.

I'm tired of getting shit on :( It hurts every time. People just don't get how tight we are. Tired of being judged. I moved away from my clique a long time ago n never met anyone else with clown love. Gettin real lonely tbh. My girl doesn't like the music.. I gotta listen to it on the dl. Gotta cover up my tattoos or noone takes me seriously. Just sucks.. I have no blood family. Left them when I was 15 n never looked back. I was rejected by everyone til I found the juggalo family. This shit is more than music, it was everything to me.. I dont know wtf I'm writing this for. Just feel pain and loneliness. Whoop whoop n so much love.
*edit- thanks for the support all. message me if your feelin low too n we can be mad at the world together

THE MASKED NINJA’S BEST CAMPSITE COMPETITION
Shimmer Fuckin Forest, Dawg! Family, ninjas, jugglas, and neck cuttaz—Where you postin’ up? Camp Superballs? Hero Mountain? Big Ballas? The masked ninja wants to see you get hype about your home base. Hook that shit up, and your camp could win one of several prizes the masked ninja himself will have as he rolls through the grounds of our Soopa Family Gathering! The best and most creative campsites will win a mystery box full of freshness! Are you ready for the masked ninja to descend on your campsite? May the most ninjatastic campsite win!
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JUGGALO CATCH 21 GAME SHOW
This often-hilarious trivia game show will test the entire span of your Juggalo knowledge and then some! Each round, three contestants will attempt to answer trivia questions in order to earn points. For every correct questioned answered, the winner will get to draw a giant card to either add it to their hand to try to get to 21 or give it to an opponent’s hand to bust them out! Whoever is still standing in the end wins! Want to put your Juggalo knowledge to the test? Then come on down! Prizes: 1st place—Collector’s GOTJ Amulet and a chance to win up to a $100 Gift Certificate in the bonus round.
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ART CONTEST
Every artist is welcome to enter their masterwork creations in this epic art contest to see who among them can rate the best! If you wish to join, simply bring up to 3 pieces of your art (sculpting, painting, computer graphics, photography, etc.) to set up your presentation so you can contribute to the massive gallery of dope art that will be on hand. A panel of judges will then rate each exhibit on skill, originality, and inspiration to determine the top three winners, which will be announced at 2pm. Even if you don’t enter, make sure to stop by to check out all the awesomeness. Prizes: 1st Place—GOTJ Gold Plaque, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and $100 Gift Certificate; 2nd Place—$100 Gift Certificate; and 3rd Place—$50 Gift Certificate.
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WET T-SHIRT CONTEST
Cascading Faygo glistening in the afternoon sun, as it pours over curvaceous twerk-a-liscous Juggalette hotties…it just doesn’t get any better than this! Join your host Mike Busey and his bevy of Busey Beauties as they take you on a joy-filled bouncy ride along the raunchy wet highway of unadulterated fun! You ready for your adrenaline to kick into overdrive? Then come witness this carbonated chaos-filled spectacle that remains one of the most highly anticipated events of the year. Prizes: 1st Place—$300 in Cash and a Collectors GOTJ Amulet; 2nd Place—$150 Gift Certificate; and 3rd Place—$50 Gift Certificate. Those wishing to compete should show up at least 15 minutes before the contest begins with a white t-shirt, if possible. A Private dressing room will be provided.
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JUGGALO PSYPHER AUDITIONS
Do you want to be in a Psychopathic filmed, edited, and produced music video to be officially aired on the Psychopathic YouTube channel for the entire world to see?!?! Stop playin’, homie! This is one of the greatest fuckin contests of all time and your chance to be immortalized forever! All you need to do is show up for these auditions, wait in line, and when your turn comes, spit 16 to 20 bars of your dopest rap in front of a panel of judges (a beat will be provided). Each performance will be rated on flow, lyrical content, and confidence. Afterwards the names of the top 6 performers will then be posted at the Info Tent. Winners will then show up at Cannibal’s House on Friday at Midnight for the filming of the 2019 Juggalo Psypher!!! So fuckin dope!!!
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JUGGALO GONG SHOW
This wildly fun, albeit underrated, game show hosted by the ambiguously gay Chuck Bareass is an elaborate production to say the least. Anyone can compete by taking the stage to display whatever talent they possess; be it jump roping, clenching a 2-liter in your butt cheeks, burp singing, playing an instrument, a backflip presentation, etc. (but please no rapping). You can perform for up to 2 minutes alone or with friends. If you don’t school it, you may get gonged, but last till the end and the judges will rate your performance, with the top scores winning! Did we mention there will also be tearful man babies, mallet-wielding exotic dancers, glitter showers, scantily clad Bronies, balloon animals, and giant inflatable puppets!?! Prizes: 1st Place—GOTJ Gold Plaque, Collectors GOTJ Amulet, Mr. T’s Latex Headpiece with Sideburns, and an empty Gray Poupon Jar filled with $62.47; 2nd Place—$80 gift certificate, Pair of BluBlocker sunglasses, and a lap dance from a Gong Show dancer; and 3rd Place—Mystery gift.
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COSTUME CONTEST
This is a spectacle the likes of which will need to be seen to be believed. Come witness a parade of costumed visionaries who have transformed themselves into the embodiment of their wildest (and wickedest) imaginations. Here you will see everything from a sword-wielding ninja giraffe to a blood-splattered Santa Claus with a gift bag of severed body parts. This is one of the greatest traditions at the Gathering each year and is a wonderful way to showcase the amazing talent and imagination that our family has to offer.Prizes: 1st Place—GOTJ Gold Plaque, Collectors GOTJ Amulet, and $100 gift certificate; 2nd Place—$100 gift certificate; and 3rd Place—$50 gift certificate.Show dancer; and 3rd Place—Mystery gift.
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TATTOO CONTEST
It’s time to show some skin and pledge your pride to the Juggalo side! The world famous Gathering of the Juggalos tattoo contest returns! Show off your best ink and body art in the Freakshow Tent, where you will be proudly displayed and on stage like the work of art you are. No matter what or where your tattoos are, bring ‘em to the stage and strut your stuff, as we prepare to determine the best of the best before a crowd of your Juggalo homies! Don’t have any ink? Then come and bear witness to this dazzling display of inked flesh at its finest. Back by popular demand, it’s the Gathering of the Juggalos Tattoo Contest! Soooooopa edition! Prizes: 1st Place—GOTJ Gold Plaque, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and $100 gift certificate; 2nd Place—$50 gift certificate; and 3rd Place—$20 gift certificate.
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JUGGALO FAMILY FEUD
Its back again like herpes simplex Z…its Juggalo Family Feud! In order to compete, gather a crew of 4 or 5 of your homies and head over to the Kapow Club to battle face to face with another crew to see who will come out on top and who will leave the stage in humiliating defeat! During the game, your crew will try to give the top answers to questions surveyed to 100 Juggalos! The first crew to reach 300 points wins the game and earns the right to move on to the fast money round, for a chance to win a $200 gift certificate! Each member of the winning crew will also win a Collectors GOTJ amulet. Survey says…“I’m dope, hoe!”
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FLOW MASTER RAP BATTLE
Are you ready to see just how good your raps really are? Here is where verbal assassins gather in a competition that will put their rap abilities to the ultimate test! It is a mental warfare of creativity, skill, and confidence, with the ultimate casualties being that of pride, dignity, and humility. Many will stand upon the staged arena but only one will remain in the end as the champion of MCs…. Could this be you? For this contest, rappers will first freestyle for 30 seconds to a provided beat. Those deemed worthy by the judges will then move into an elimination style battle, where two rappers at a time will compete directly against each other. In the end, there can be only one! Prizes: 1st Place—GOTJ Gold Plaque, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and $300 in cash; 2nd Place—$100 gift certificate; and 3rd Place—$50 gift certificate.
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LINGERIE CONTEST
This tantalizing contest hosted by the beautiful women of Juggalesque will take you on a wondrous journey of silk, satin, lace, and leather, as a plethora of curvaceous Juggalettes free themselves of the restrictive clothing of everyday life to show off some of their sexiest sleepwear. You will think you are dreaming when the lines of fantasy and reality become blurred as you lay witness to sexiness taken to a whole new level of fun! Prizes: 1st Place—$300 in cash and a Collectors GOTJ Amulet; Second Place—$150 gift certificate; and Third Place—$50 gift certificate.
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FAYGO LAUNCHING CONTEST
Get ready for carbonated explosive fun as you try to launch Faygo bottles the furthest distance using whatever method you can devise. If you achieve the greatest distance, you will be able to sit on the Faygo throne…that is, until someone beats your score! The last contestant still sitting on the throne at the end wins and is bestowed the honorary title of Faygo King! Prize: Furthest distance—$100 Gift Certificate and Collectors GOTJ Amulet
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THE NEDEN GAME
Got Neden? No? Then this is where you need to be! Five players will be chosen from the crowd for each round of this adult game show for a chance to win a date with a hot Juggalette or debonair Juggalo. Contestants will answer rather bizarre, risqué, and revealing questions from their perspective suitor while they remain hidden from view. If you want to win, you will have to do it on personality alone. Do you have what it takes to master the Neden? We will see my Vaseline-handed friend…we will see. Prizes: The winner of each game will then get to go a date (8pm—mid) while hanging out in the Soopa backstage area!!!
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BEAT THE DJ GAME SHOW
This Name-That-Tune style gameshow pits three competitors at a time against each other as they try to name classic underground songs as quickly as possible. This game will test each player’s musical knowledge to the limit in four different challenges to determine who among them is a true musical guru, allowing them to come out on top. Prizes: The winner of each game will receive a Collectable GOTJ Amulet and go onto a bonus round for a chance to win a $100 gift certificate.
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SOOPA MISS JUGGALETTE PAGEANT
Beauty. Grace. Talent. And that sinister, seductive style. Poised with a perfect stature, yet with a shiny, sharp axe clutched behind her picturesque frame. She is the Soopa Queen of the Juggalos…And she is here to snatch the crown and astound the world as she claims her rightful place on the throne! Do you have what it takes to snatch the trophy and wear the crown upon your perfect, clown-painted brow? Then enter the Soopa Miss Juggalette Pageant and dare to compete in three scintillating rounds! Round 1: Personality, where you will be asked a question as you let your charisma shine. Round 2: Talent, where you will be given several minutes to showcase your skills (anything from acrobatics, to dancing, to fire breathing, to singing, to art, etc.). Round 3: Swimsuit, where you can work the runway and let the crowd be amazed by your beauty! Step up to claim your title–The Soopa Queen! It’s the world famous, notorious, Soopa Miss Juggalette Pageant! Mad love and respect to the Soopa Queen! Prizes: 1st Place—GOTJ Gold Plaque, Backstage Pass, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and $200 Gift Certificate; 2nd Place—$200 Gift Certificate; and 3rd Place—$100 gift certificate.
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DARK CARNIVAL GAMES PAVILION
The DCG Pavilion is a place where you can sit back and play a game or two, from noon til 4am! There will not only be a games library for you to choose from, but there will be various gaming tournaments running throughout the GOTJ (see below). The Masters Tournament for each game will be held on Sunday at 4pm. In order to enter the Master Tournament, you will need to have previously won a standard tournament of the respective game. A player who wins the Masters Tournament will receive a GOTJ Gold Plaque and become the GOTJ 2019 champion for that game!
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JUGGALOS AGAINST SANITY TOURNAMENTS
It just doesn’t get any more politically incorrect, offensive or vulgar then playing a game of Juggalos Against Sanity. The only real question is how far are you willing to go in order to win this tournament which requires all human decency to be set aside? Tournament Prizes: 1st Place—JAS Booster Pack (10 unique cards), 6” DCG Magnet, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and admission into the Masters Tournament. 2nd Place—6” DCG Magnet and admission into the Masters Tournament. Master Tournament Prize: 1st Place Only—GOTJ Gold Plaque.
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INTO THE ECHOSIDE TOURNAMENTS
As the never-ending demonic hoard pours through the rift into our mortal realm, the light of humanity fades amidst the tortured screams of those with the will left to fight. Do you have what it takes to assemble an army capable of defeating such a force of infinite evil? Tournament Prizes: 1st Place—Set of 15 foil Epic cards, 6” DCG Magnet, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and admission into the Masters Tournament. 2nd Place—6” DCG Magnet. Master Tournament Prize: 1st Place Only—GOTJ Gold Plaque.
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QUEST FOR SHANGRI-LA TOURNAMENTS
Shangri-La has come under a dark shadow created by some unknown nefarious power. You have embarked on a dangerous quest to traverse Detroit, the Nethervoid and the Dark Carnival to uncover the mystery of this otherworldly threat. Will you even survive long enough to cross the sacred bridge? Tournament Prizes: 1st Place—Set of 10 Holographic Ending Cards, 6” DCG Magnet, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and admission into the Masters Tournament. 2nd Place—6” DCG Magnet. Master Tournament Prize: 1st Place Only—GOTJ Gold Plaque.
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TEXAS HOLD’EM TOURNAMENTS
This game is all about being calm and collect even in the midst of extreme pressure. Can you go all in with your tournament life on the line, on a stone-cold bluff and not even bat an eye? It will take much more that, if you want to go deep through the field of sharks! Tournament Prizes: 1st Place—DCG Zippo Lighter, 6” DCG Magnet, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and admission into the Masters Tournament. 2nd Place—6” DCG Magnet and admission into the Masters Tournament. 3rd Place—Admission into the Masters Tournament. Master Tournament Prize: 1st Place Only—GOTJ Gold Plaque and a custom Hatchetman Poker Chip Set.
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MORTON’S LIST TOURNAMENTS
This dope game of random reality, which is the first DCG game ever produced, would see players engaged in Quests that have them doing an infinite number of various things that encompass the entire range of human activity. Anything can and probably will happen at one point or another when you play this adventurous game long enough…so play at your own risk ninjas! Tournament Prizes: 1st Place (for each member of the winning Inner Circle) —6” DCG Magnet and Collectors GOTJ Amulet. Also, the two players deemed to have schooled it the hardest during the Quest will gain admission into the Masters Tournament. Master Tournament Prize: 1st Place Only—GOTJ Gold Plaque.
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RENO RYDAS FOWLARAMA TOURNAMENTS
Hosted by your homies the Reno Rydas, come try your hand at this game that is quickly becoming a Juggalo favorite (make sure to bring a teammate). It sounds easy enough. All you have to do is throw a football at a group of bowling pins and knock them down. Except it’s not easy. And those pins…they mock you. There is always a few left teasing you…those…pins. You will have nightmares. AHHHHHHHH…THOSE…FUCKIN…PINS! Tournament Prizes (for each team member): 1st Place Only — DCG Zippo Lighter, 6” DCG Magnet, Collectors GOTJ Amulet and admission into the Masters Tournament. 2nd Place—6” DCG Magnet. Master Tournament Prize: 1st Place Only—GOTJ Gold Plaque.

Dude I am scared for you. Young white kid with a gigantic Insane Clown posse tattoo on your arm pumping ICP music off your iPhone working the counter of the 7-Eleven at 735 Westinghouse.
Bro. I carry both a Glock 19 and a Ruger LCP when I stop during my commute. The cop station is less than five miles away, but the last guy doing your job was shot and killed back in December.
https://patch.com/north-carolina/charlotte/arrests-made-7-eleven-murder-case-cmpd
Khaled was a good guy. I knew him for a long time.
The burger King right next to you closed down and they opened up an underground gambling den "Arcade". it is pretty sketchy. no lighting outside of it, no security. Area is not that safe bro. I had a woman try and rob me with a knife at the truck station/gas station next to Penske down the road three months ago.
I will pray for you fam.
Stay safe Fago Juggalo. Sending you a miracle.
https://youtu.be/8GyVx28R9-s


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a homeless transgender woman legally female for 12 and 1/2 years, I having been the victim of what was an obvious identity theft, back in Chico California on October 7th, 2018, Chico ICP Juggalooos, as I call the more MORONIC badasses associated with #ICP followers, who the hell purchased that stolen ID and how it got online and was used to create some kind of "gay puto trannyfag" video??? I still have yet to figure out.
As for the obviously transphobic Chico police? I'm not sure if they even bothered to figure it out yet, either. ( probably not, because they probably sided with the redneck idiots in Chico's homeless community who authorized the boosting, the identity theft of everything that was in my purse including the purse itself.
Hebron beating reignites Juggalo debate
Since emerging in the mid-1990s, ICP has amassed a large fan base. But some of those fans’ actions have attracted the wrong kind of attention.
JEREMY COX | [email protected]
Updated 4:14 p.m. MDT Aug. 13, 2014

Story Highlights
The beating and burning of a Hebron man last week highlighted the culture of Juggalos.
Law-enforcement officials differ with many scholars over whether the followers constitute a gang.
The victim of the beating is still recovering from his near-fatal injuries, police say.
To some, they are harmless misfits, young people who wear clown makeup, chug off-brand soda and cheer “Whoop! Whoop!” to identify themselves as members of a global “family.”
The brutal beating and burning of a Hebron man last week that police blamed on a pair of fellow followers of the hip-hop act Insane Clown Posse, though, bespoke another, darker image.
The story of Zachary Swanson’s near-fatal beating was sensational enough to spread like wildfire across the country. It dominated readership at DelmarvaNow.com for days and has appeared in one form or another in media outlets as diverse as the online versions of Time and Spin magazines and the British national tabloid The Daily Mirror.
Behind the splashy headlines, however, lies a national debate that’s been growing in volume with each high-profile crime attributed to a Juggalo member.
Critics of the group point to a 2011 FBI assessment that labeled the Detroit-based duo’s most devout fans “a loosely-organized hybrid gang.”
Many groups of Juggalos — or Juggalettes, if they’re female — threaten civil society, with their tendencies toward “violence, drug use/sales and their general destructive and violent nature,” the FBI concluded.
But emerging social research is reaching a different conclusion: Juggalos, like many outcast groups, have been misunderstood.
Insane Clown Posse’s fan group “is not a gang and it is not a cult,” said Karen Bettez Halnon, a sociologist at Penn State Abington who has written several papers about Juggalo culture.
“It is an outcast community of belonging,” she said, “a space and place for many who are poor and who have sad tales of abuse and rejection, a place of acceptance and love.”
The hip-hop group (Twitter handle @ICP) consists of two artists who virtually always wear clown makeup in public appearances — Joseph Bruce, who performs under the name Violent J, and Joseph Utsler, also known as Shaggy 2 Dope. The duo’s own troubled early biographies have endeared them to people with similar backgrounds of poverty and abuse, Halnon said.
They belong to a genre that typically gets little radio play.
Horrorcore hip-hop is rife with graphically sexual and violent lyrics. But the performances are deliberately tongue-in-cheek, like a Roger Corman film set to music.
Juggalos are known for wearing the duo’s “evil” clown makeup to gatherings. Some further distinguish themselves by drinking Faygo, a soda brand mentioned often in the duo’s lyrics.
ICP wears the label “the most hated band in the world” like a badge of honor. But the large, boisterous fan base they’ve amassed since emerging in the mid-1990s belies that description.
Some of those fans’ actions have attracted the wrong kind of attention, though.
In January 2010, two suspected Juggalos were arrested on charges of beating and robbing an elderly homeless man. A year later, a Juggalos member shot and wounded a couple in King County, Washington.
The FBI accuses Juggalo members of “gang-like behavior,” saying that authorities in 21 states have identified 21 criminal groups associated with ICP’s followers. Their behavior was growing more disturbing as of the 2011 assessment, escalating from petty theft and vandalism to felony assaults and robberies, the law-enforcement agency found.
For its part, the musical act has fought such accusations. The American Civil Liberties Union joined the band in a federal lawsuit claiming that the gang classification had violated its freedom of speech.
A federal judge in Michigan dismissed the suit last month, opining that the federal government isn’t responsible for the actions of local police agencies. The ICP and ACLU are appealing the decision.
Carving off a tattoo, then burning it
Then came the Hebron incident.
Two men –– Paul Martin Hurst, 33, and Cary Lee Edwards, 35 — beat one of their housemates Aug. 4 because they didn’t believe he had earned his ICP tattoo, alleges the Wicomico County Sheriff’s Office. They first tried carving it off Zachary Swanson’s arm with a knife, then used lighter fluid in an attempt to burn it off, deputies said.
Hurst and Edwards are being held in jail without bond on charges that include attempted first-degree murder.
Swanson, 31, is still receiving medical treatment in Baltimore, a Sheriff’s Office spokesman said Wednesday. Part of Swanson’s arm had to be amputated.
It is unfair to attribute the bad behavior of a few members to the whole group, Halnon said.
“The actions of these men ... is a very un-Juggalo way of acting,” she said.
Media stories often don’t help a group’s cause because they fail to discriminate between the actions of individuals and the larger group, said James Burton, a media studies professor at Salisbury University.
“The impulse for sensationalistic stories and ratings mean that such incidents come to stand in for all members of a subculture,” he said. “That’s not to say that what happened isn't terrible. It's just that I'm suspicious when an event comes to represent an apparent movement that, in turn, represents an entire group of fans.”
Homeless identify as Juggalos
Robin Petering, a doctoral student in social work at the University of Southern California, found herself researching Juggalos after meeting so many in her work with homeless youths. A couple years ago, she gave questionnaires to nearly 400 homeless young people in the Los Angeles area to learn more about them.
One out of six of the youths identified themselves as Juggalos, it turned out.
They were twice as likely as other survey respondents to have spent time in jail and four times as likely to have been in a recent fight. They also were more likely to have done drugs and have witnessed someone being severely injured or threatened, she found.
“They’re obviously a population at risk for violence and poor outcomes, so we need to think of them beyond being just weird,” Petering said in an interview.
She emphasized that their “poor outcomes” aren’t necessarily a result of being Juggalos or being influenced by ICP’s music. The act’s followers just tend to have experienced more troubles, Petering said.
Ultimately, people should consider the bigger picture behind the Hebron incident, Halnon said.
“It seems a group of people were living together in poverty,” she said. “The real savagism involved may be the horrid things that marginalizing and stigmatizing the poor — including their attempts to find alternative community — produces.”
[email protected]
410-845-4630
On Twitter @Jeremy_Cox
What is the Insane Clown Posse?
A Detroit-based hip-hop act consisting of two performers, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope. It’s part of the horrocore genre, which features over-the-top lyrics about sex and violence.
What are the Juggalos?
Don’t call ICP’s followers “fans.” They prefer the term Juggalos — Juggalettes, in the case of women.
The FBI’s stance?
Juggalos are a “a loosely-organized hybrid gang” with a presence in many states. In small, disorganized groups, they commit vandalism, assault and other crimes, according to the FBI.
Originally Published 4:13 p.m. MDT Aug. 13, 2014
Updated 4:14 p.m. MDT Aug. 13, 2014

Let me take you back a few months, flying through the voids of time to tell you all about a neckbeard I had the misfortune of (attempting) to make music with. It was going to be one long post, but the more I think about it, the more it seems like it's going to merit several instalments, so we'll see how people find it and run from there.
It all started when I responded to a gumtree ad for a local metal band who were seeking a bassist with a few to writing original music and generally going out into the local scene and making some noise. That's great. I didn't have any real experience of playing metal, but I'm not a bad bassist at all - in fact my other band actually manages to make money out of being musicians, which I think is probably every musicians dream. None of us have any designs on fame, it's just nice to get our gigs paid for, and it easily covers all our costs on a night out. But I digress.
I went down to audition, and things went well. The two guys in the band had been jamming together for years, had a clear idea of where they wanted to go, and what they wanted to do - pretty important for a group just starting out. It was alright actually. They showed me what they had, we ha a pretty successful, albeit basic jam and all was well. It was pretty clear that the guitarist (who we'll call Jax, for his deep seated lets-get-an-entire-back-tattoo-of-sons-of-anarchy love of, well, Sons Of Anarchy) was not really that far in to his budding career of a rockstar, but he had plenty of drive and inspiration.
We spent a few months working on demos, which was ok. Early days, right? I got to grips with the material pretty quick (though worryingly, I never learned the songs properly, jamming it on the day never failed). We took on a second guitarist to pad the sound, and the genre changed pretty much overnight from a post-grunge vibe to something chuggier and more traditionally metal. While not my cup of tea, I'm always open to new styles, and was enjoying the change.
Taking on our second guitarist (herein referred to as Sage, the oldest of the group) was where the problems began. Sage was a decent guitarist. He could solo pretty well, loved to jam and generally knew what he was doing around a fretboard. Jax did not like this. At all. He saw Sage as a threat to his position as 'leader'. I suppose it was kind of true, as Sage was markedly better, but it was the beginning of a chain of events that eventually cultivated in the breakup of the band, about a year after we'd first started.
Before I get to what happened though, some more about Jax. He was very much the kind of beard that wore his firmly around his neck beardy little heart. During the time I knew him, he was prosecuted for stalking, committed mass benefit fraud (as far as I can tell), eventually split the band up and then reformed the whole thing with the same logo and songs, while claiming his new band wrote them. More on that later.
Jax loved guitars. A lot. He owned 8. The we're almost all identical black, entry- level Ibanez. Apparently this still counted as a large collection, despite the fact they were all the same. He genuinely believed his Line 6 modelling amp was better than a big, Marshall valve stack (bitch pls.) and generally failed to understand that the rap metal boom from the early 2000s was best left buried.
He was one of the people who, despite the fact he was from the north of England, managed to act entirely like Southern US white trash, down to aping the same fad. I have no idea how he wasn't also a Juggalo. He loved rap metal and nu-metal, especially Korn, and would play all their songs (the three power-chord kind) and assume it automatically made him a guitar god. and God help you if you disagreed or tried to suggest trying something a little more advanced. This is where his true beard kicked in.
Due to the fact I'm typing this out on my phone I'll have to save the good stuff until later.
Coming soon to a /neckbeard near you: Jax takes control (or why no-one is ever going to be as good as him). The neckbeard will seep out your screen and run down your keyboard. I promise.

Been lurking for months but decided to finally up and make a profile. I got a pretty damn long story so if you guys are interested I am going to unload all of it in its entirety. But for your sake,
TL;DR: I was an alcoholic right after high school and it was so bad I was homeless, and that still wasn't enough to get me to quit.
The beginning of this story i wrote a long time ago so it's copy pasted here from hellopoetry:
"School was always humuorous to a degree in my opinion because of the underlying idea that the more damaged you were, the cooler you were in the eyes of the rest of the school. I have heard numerous conversations that began with something along the lines of, "Oh, you think YOU got it bad, well my dad blah blah and my best friend blah blah and my life is hell."
I decided to get a little personal and share with you guys something I have never actually told anyone in entirety yet. I am pretty sure the whole story is still only here in my brain. I will, out of respect for these people, change their names.
It's October 31, 2012. It's about noon, and all of us sixteen to twenty-two year olds are just waking up. Brianne woke up probably a few hours ago already to tend to her son, Aaron. He is adorable, one and a half, blond hair, blue eyes. I have been living here for nearly two months. I am supporting her, Aaron, and myself with food stamps. I get two hundred dollars a month to basically smoke weed and drink on the government's budget. Trust me, I'm not proud of it either, and if I could I would pay it back. Since Brianne is a single mother and an adopted child, she has a single-digit monthly rent (I was fucking baffled to hear this) and receives support from her foster parents. Basically, if I want to stay here forever with absolutely no consequences save to miss out on a life of my own, I can.
Brandon is putting on clown make-up so he can troll the streets as a juggalo. I find this amusing as I always liked to mess around with ICP fans, but he's a really cool kid so I let it go and I even help him perfect it. I notice he has a bottle of Stolichnaya in his backpack and it's practically full. That, to me, is temptation. I ask if he would mind me taking a few drinks here and there from the bottle and he says it's fine, so I proceed to get a nice one p.m. buzz. It was always my favorite drunk, very light, and airy, almost like you're still asleep. Something bogs you down, but it doesn't bother you, somehow it makes you lighter.
For the rest of the day, we hook up with a few friends, go out and trick or treat in the pouring rain, get soaked and wait for two hours under an overpass while Brianne goes and gets her car. From there, we proceed home.
At this point, everyone is over at Breanne's and we're all making dinner and drinking beer and having a good time (Aaron is with the grandparents tonight). I guess I started getting angry about the recent events (for about a month, everyone in our group with the exception of Brandon have been slowly losing items...but they're obviously being stolen. At a point, a few of us did some research and determined the only person who could possibly have stolen a good deal of these things has to be Brandon) and I decided I was tired of sitting on the news waiting for no one to make a move after a solid two weeks of being certain that we had our guy. So I called him out... and proceeded to begin burning bridges slowly and very surely for the next few days. I am pretty sure a fight would have broken out if Bri hadn't taken me into her room to relax. When I finally do, it turns out I woke up the upstairs neighbor, her baby, and everyone in the house has left save for my friend Jeff and his girlfriend Marissa. This concludes night one.
I later learned that Brandon was not actually the person who was stealing from us (unless of course he just happened to not get caught when we found out who had done most of it) and I feel bad for bringing the whole thing up because I would have liked to stay in touch with him. We got along swimmingly and he actually did have a lot of interesting things to talk about. Smart, nice, hilarious... Well, maybe he'll turn up one day.
The next morning, I woke up to find the house empty save for Jeff and Marissa in the next room, but where I am, it simply appears empty. I don't know what happened but I intuit that I have been sleeping all night without my girlfriend. This upsets me and I begin to weep like a confused child, which is exactly what you do when you're helpless and too drunk in the brain to figure out how to pull yourself out of a helpless situation (trust me, I own the handbook). Marissa walks in and begins to explain to me that I had scared her too much and she slept on the couch and that she had left to go pick up her son. So I realize I need to calm down, but I can feel Jeff is not happy with me in the slightest, considering he will not come and talk to me (this is extremely painful because he is probably one of the best friends I have ever had, with a mind that vastly exceeds that of everyone I have met save one other, and he's a different story). They leave and I decide to stay in the house all day.
This is a very bad idea. I stay home, watch re-runs of a show I have seen billions of times, and considering that Brandon and I are no longer on good terms, like a complete asshole, I drink the rest of his vodka.
In walks Bri, it's around 7. She's not happy. She proceeds to tell me that the night before I asked out a friend of mine and she said yes. And I was a bit shocked because I couldn't remember it at first. Then it all hit me.
A few days before, Aaron called me "dad." Now remember, this is not my child. I am dark, dark, dark, and she had this kid about two years after we had any past relationship. I am extremely worried in my mind and I realize I am headed toward nothing. That I am stagnant and can not even afford to go back to school. This scares me, so I drunkenly asked out Tanya.
Tanya...we had been friends for about five years, and I had tried to get with her so many damn times... she was like one of those girls you see and you're instantly reminded of an anime character. Tall, thin, beautiful hips, perfect proportions, lovely hair, eyes, voice, and a personality I can liken to a Disney princess/black metal lumberjack. The kind of girl who has a tough exterior, but inside, she just wants someone to tell her everything is going to be ok.
After about two hours of pleading with Bri to let me stay, I finally send Tanya a message, and we hang out for the next two days, whence I whisper in her ear that everything is going to be okay and we proceed to have quite passionate sex for those nights, where I discovered the secret to making a woman climax with my tongue (tip: if the underside of your tongue isn't completely torn apart, you're doing something wrong). But alas, I could not stay.
This is the part I dreaded, because I know I have to go back to Jeff's house and ask him if I can stay there for a while. And I got the answer I expected.
The words he used...
"I'm pissed off...extremely pissed off at you, and disappointed." It was like a father saying it to you. And him and I have a very interesting friendship built on such an extreme understanding that I knew exactly how badly I had been spiraling. I began to leave and he gave me a slice of pizza, with that slight smile that told me "just go find yourself, we'll be fine."
I hobbled off into the night drunk, with one piece of pizza and all my food at Bri's, which could have lasted me another few days, easing the transition into homeless. And it could have prevented a horrible occurance that took place the following afternoon. I was crying, because I knew I was dying, but I didn't want to ask either of my parents for help, because this was the first time I was out on my own and I was far too proud to give up and let the world make me its victim. So I walked...
Sixteen fucking miles...
To the next town. Took me all night because I was dodging traffic, easing into trees, avoiding on and off ramps, trying to stay away from any police that may exist on the road. When I finally arrived in the next town (where I knew I may have one contact) I decided to sleep until the morning came so I could have the energy to find my next venture.
It was five thirty am. I had 3 hours until sun-up, I had just walked enough to be burning, and there was plenty of whiskey in my veins. I had left my sleeping bag with Tanya hours earlier, wishing in the park that I had not been so naiive as to think I would be allowed back in the house. So I pulled out a pile of dirty clothes and put them over me like blankets, in some random corner of the local park, under some bushes, hidden from cold and sight, with great hope...
Fifteen minutes pass. My eyes shoot open. I am freezing. The sweat has dried and frozen to my body. This is hell.
I grab my things and with the worst effort I can ever remember myself mustering, I drag myself to the toilet. When I open it, the first thing I check for is cleanliness. It's spotless. I am so relieved. I sit in the corner of the room, which my knees to my chest, head in my hands, wrapped in a leather jacket I had gotten from Jeff (ha, he really is my guardian angel, though he would laugh to hear it).
I catch winks, occasionally looking up to check if the sun is rising. When it finally is, I get up, change my clothes (I had ONE clean set of clothing and it had been rotting with the rest in the backpack) and immediately head to a thrift store where a family friend is working.
On my way there, I notice in a little parking lot near the store a sight I had never actually come across but I always thought would be the most amazing luck, and it was timed in such a spot in my life that it was the ultimate miracle...and a curse in disguise.
In front of my eyes (this miracle appeared in my path as I was walking looking down, so it startled me) was the worst possible thing for me: A half finished fifth of Smirnoff, and a half smoked pack of Marlboro 100 Reds. I open the pack and sure enough, the celophane protected every cigarette inside from any water damage. I am ecstatic. This is not only amazing, but highly unlikely.
So I down the bottle in one go and take the rest of the smokes with me.
When I arrive at the thrift shop, it turns out I am there on a day when my potential savior is not working, so I get her number from the clerk and head over to a payphone and realize... I have no money. So I decide to go on a quest for dropped pocket change.
Before I even leave the parking lot, I see a young man, no older than 23, sitting on a nice red classic-style Corvette and he's reading William S. Burroughs. So naturally, I decide to strike up a conversation with the young man. Turns out he's the nicest guy and his name is Jordan. So him and I got together and decided to go out for a game of disc golf (some may not know what this is; Imagine frisbee but with a golf theme, so you need to get from a tee pad into a basket. Really fun, centering, and extremely popular with potheads, Californians, beer-drinkers, and hippies) and before we go, he asks if I would like to snag a few beers first.
I tell him a piece of my story and he can tell I am down on my luck and broke so he decides to help me out. He buys us both some beer and we proceed to disk.
Turns out he's an ex-junkie and has been through quite a bit of hell himself, so we find that we're in a good position to help each other make some better decisions in life. After the game, we go over to a payphone and he gives me money to call my friend.
Buzz (this the only name I am not changing because her name is fucking badass) answers the phone and unfortunately informs me that though she would take me in any day of the year, she just moved in to a house with one older lady she takes care of, and its a single bedroom apartment, so there is just no way it can work.
So I go back to his car and tell him the news, and he says he thinks he may be able to put me up for a few days until I can sort everything out. We go back out to the store and grab ourselves a fifth of vodka.
We end up in the park playing music, talking, performing standup for one another, and I begin to realize I am drinking too fast, so I try to ease back a little. He was playing a version of a Radiohead song I had never heard before
"Everyone this way. Okay, get your hands against the wall. Spread your legs. Don't move." The doors clanking, some asshole won't shut up in the next cell over. More slamming of doors, someone rubbing my body all over trying to find my knives, no doubt. And my AK 47 I conceal, and my weed, and my ... oh shit, I really did have weed on me.
"Move forward. Turn around. Alright, go to bed."
----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------
"Get up. Come on, slowly... There you go. There's a few more coming in so we got to get you to another cell."
Clank, clank...
"Pick a bed."
----------------------------------------------------------­---------------------
Something is wrong. This bed is not covered. There is no comfort. It's just a mat. And I have no pillow. This is not a house of any sort, my bag isnt what I am sleeping on. Something is very wrong here.
I am in jail. Oh of course.
I know the answer before I hear it, but I ask anyway: "What are my charges, ma'am?"
"Drunk in public."
-------------------------------------------------------­------------------------
I'm about thirty miles or so North of inner Seattle. Not a bad place to be. I'm working for a Safeway. It's somewhere around the first of June. I receive word that Bri has been on heroin. And I may have left at a crucial time in her life thinking only of myself, but I needed to go somewhere I could be productive. Yet my decision left her in a position where she turned to hard drugs...
I can't help but feel I am to blame. I am listening to the dull, stupid words of my ex boss, Rod, who is telling me that even though I may feel like I need to help her, there is nothing I can do for her, so I should bury myself in my work instead. He tells me this in about six hundred different ways before I leave the room after twenty minutes. Well great. I may have no focus here at work today, but at least I killed almost a half hour of the day just listening to someone bullshit.
I am at a loss of what to do here, but I eventually get a hold of her, and after a long time not talking, we come to somewhat of a closure, and she is beginning to sober up herself. I realize we were both in incredibly hard times, and I still wish with all my heart there could have been some way I could have helped her raise that boy and stayed and been her love, and at the same time, still go to college, and progress and get a good job...but I was in a small Northern California town. There was nothing left, all the old shops were out of business. It was time for me to move on then, and we have all seen better days for it. She looks incredible these days by the way. She lost an insane amount of weight, and I know a lot of it had to do with the drugs, but if she truly is sober like she says she is, she'll be getting much better.
A few weeks ago 3 people I used to know and hang out with died in the span of a week. It was a terrible tragedy, and I have been thinking back on all the names of people I used to love very, very much before they got lost in some way.
There's Lorne Holly, who killed himself after a few weeks of detoxing from crank.
Layla Harmon, who died in a car crash, blunt head trauma, with a drunk driver (I have a tattoo for this, I will never drive drunk).
Heavy Eagle, who killed himself after years of drug problems.
Chaz Lipman, who died in a car crash as well.
Ren Rain, who I am still not sure about...
And of course, Tray Beraldi, who was my closest friend's cousin... I wish I were there to mourne with him...
Last night I got a text from my best friend, who said he couldn't sleep and he barely eats anything anymore, and he feels like his throat is going to explode, and he cant swallow and his neck is killing him constantly. He has been this way for a year, and he is talking constantly about getting a gun and blowing his head off. And no one believes him because he constantly talks about it because he is in so much pain. No doctor can diagnose him so far, he has no idea what's wrong with him, he's been tested all over the place, he has no hope, he's barely cligning and he doesn't know how much longer he can hold on.
All I really want to say is
Lord? What I have done? I don't pray, I never pray, I don't even know who I would pray to. But WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO DO?!
I bring myself across hell and I pull myself from the worst depression I have ever experienced, and all I ask of you is to just STOP. KILLING. MY. FRIENDS. PLEASE?
Or maybe the other effective way is to just state... "I just wish my friends would stop fucking dying."
I believe the real point here is that we all feel pain. But don't try and compare our pain...
It's ridiculous. To say the only experiences in life are depressing ones because bliss is ignorance is a simple statement. Pain shouldn't have to be felt. Pain like these all can stem from something much bigger than us, it's much more integrated into society than we think. It's control. We need to realize, we're being divided, we're being hushed, the idea is to keep us in this pain, to make us all miserable, to make us want to die. Docile.
The point is, make a good future for yourself. Because that story up there is not worth bragging about"
Fast forward a few years. I am living with my future wife, shes five months pregnant. One night i got so sick of working a dead end job after months of promises to move up by my boss that I stole a bottle of vodka and got blackout drunk and went home. I don't know if I ever finished that bottle or if someone poured it but all i know is I blamed my fiance. We got into a huge argument and I remember stopping myself as I sat straddled above her, seconds away from punching her in the stomach. She left me and after a while gave me another shot.
I went to rehab, got cleaned up and months later we had our baby. Then we moved out to another state because my mother is here and it's cheaper. Fast forward to my daughter at nine months old. I fall off the wagon and we get in another fight. We end up arguing over a hash oil cartridge we bought together and in my drunken stupor her and I get into a physical struggle over it. The next day is the same. She leaves me. I think I am going to lose my daughter. This is a cycle btw. Her leaving and giving me another shot.
This was one month ago today actually and I am really excited to go to an AA meeting and get my one month chip. My fiance has given me one more shot, which is amazing, in her infinite patience and wisdom she somehow still stuck by me, though I know she didn't want to. We are doing well now, she has let me back in her life and my daughter is much better for it now that i can be counted on to be a proper father.
I want to make it known that i have never been a violent person but if the drink can actually make me that awful, it can do anything to anyone. I urge anyone who actually stuck through this story to PLEASE seek help immediately if they think they have a problem. If there is any doubt in your mind, it will very likely only get worse. Go to a meeting. Find a counselor. Don't waste five years of your life like I did.
Thanks if you managed to read all that